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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take away the dummy from my 2 year old even though the dentist has advised we do...

123 replies

MolI9 · 11/06/2024 18:23

DS has just turned 2 and is a happy little boy.

The item he loves most is his dummy which he has for sleep - we usually let him have it about 45 minutes before bed and just before nap time. It creeps in more when he's poorly and he has been recently.

He has a million cuddly toys and the same one in his cot but is not in any way attached to any of them. He doesn't have another comfort item. He sleeps with a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand.

The dentist has said his teeth look good but we need to ditch the dummy asap as he'll have a gap/over bite. His suggestion was to use the dummy fairy...

I've tried to enforce having the dummy only in his cot as a step towards removing this and we have had the biggest meltdowns. To the point he was struggling to breathe and screaming to go to bed. He has good (and clear) speech and good understanding - he clearly understands his dummy is now only for when he's in his cot and sleeping - but he absolutely wouldn't understand the dummy fairy or the concept of giving his dummies away forever for a toy yet. I'm sure he will do so in the next 6 months or so.

We're also expecting a baby which has made me wary about keeping it and then trying to get rid of it when the baby has one... but I can't face taking it away before I think he's ready! DP feels terrible at the thought of it too.

AIBU to ignore the dentists advice and wait till I think he's more ready? Any advice/suggestions welcome!

OP posts:
Original poster
MolI9 · 11/06/2024 21:21

@nomeslice this is very helpful, thank you!

OP posts:
Didimum · 11/06/2024 21:21

My twins had dummies for night sleep only up til 3.5yrs. They didn’t have an issue in stopping as they were old enough to understand being bribed. Teeth fine now at almost 7yrs.

supercalafragilisticexpealidocious · 11/06/2024 21:23

I think the advice totally
Depends on which dentist you see.
My four year old still has one at night. We went to the dentist recently and I asked about the dummy and he said it was fine until she was about 6?!

Our 2 year old also has one at night.

So we've got no tips for getting rid of them sorry lol. They both are quite advanced with speech for their age and neither has any teeth issues and dentist hasn't told us to get rid of it so I reasoned it's fine for now given they both love them for sleep.

Coldsore · 11/06/2024 21:23

Missmarple87 · 11/06/2024 21:05

My kids were never into them - rejected them as babies when I tried to use them to buy myself a bit more sleep! I think kids are 'sucky' types or they're not, though. I also think people used to be more disapproving of them - I know my mum is horrified by walking, talking kids wandering around with dummies in (shes a bit snooty).

Show quote history

I think all babies are sucky types. I just didn’t try to use a dummy as what they really want is their mother’s breast, and a piece of plastic is a shit substitute for that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
MolI9 · 11/06/2024 21:23

willowtolive · 11/06/2024 21:14

My just turned 2 year old loved his dummy , absolutely loved it. Over last few weeks they've slowly disappeared like they do and we were down to one. Which then broke and I got him to put it in the bin himself. OH went straight down to the shop to buy more but I thought there's no better time than then to ditch the dummy . Two nights and two naps later we are dummy free. So might not be as hard as you think , my son was exactly the same his dummy was his prized possession! Good luck!

A friend had a similar thing happen... maybe I can start to break them and get them to put him in the bin until they all go!

OP posts:
BeeDavis · 11/06/2024 21:26

My son really really loved his dummy (he called it Diddy) and I thought it was gonna be awful taking it off him. But we told him that Santa had taken it to the North Pole for the baby reindeers and we had absolutely zero issues, even the first night was a complete success. He had just turned 2 a few month before Xmas and we thought it was a good opportunity as he loves everything about Santa and Christmas so fully understood it.

Oblomov24 · 11/06/2024 21:28

Please do it asap, you've left it too long already and you know that.

mutleyschuckle · 11/06/2024 21:31

Mine was similarly upset at the thought of the dummy going but I spoke to him about the amazing (paw patrol pad!) I think it was he wanted & really hyped that up. Then one day cut a small nick in each dummy so they lost the appeal. He was sad, I was also sad they were "broken" but we went out to buy the horrendously overpriced plastic toy & he took that to bed from then on.

Brbreeze · 11/06/2024 21:32

I'm not a fab of dummies at all, but tbh if he is only using it for sleep then I'm not sure it's the worst thing.

For what it's worth, my 2.5 yo saw the dentist today who asked if she sucked her thumb or used a dummy due to her gap and slight overbite. She doesn't do either. We used the dummy very sparingly between 4 and 8 months to help with silent reflux symptoms. She lost interest at 8mo. We also did everything else you are meant to re. stopping using a bottle and moving on to cups etc.

My husband needed braces having never used a dummy or sucked his thumb. So I'm putting it down to genes!

Newsenmum · 11/06/2024 21:33

When’s the baby due? If you do it pre baby then make sure it’s a good few months prior and he doesn’t see it as related to the fact.

And go with your gut. It’s really not a big deal in the long scheme of things. We waited until 3 and it was the best thing for us.

FlyingHorses · 11/06/2024 21:33

I would initially get rid of the having dummy 45 mins before bed, and only have it for lights out and sleep time for a week or so. I’d read some books about saying goodbye to dummies and let your DS get used to the idea of it going soon. Then pick a day that is “no more dummies day”! Mark it on the calendar and keep reminding him that it’s 3 days, 2 days, tomorrow etc.
I explained to my then 2y3m old that his dummies had to go to younger babies now and whilst there was literally one night where he was upset not having it, it was totally fine afterwards. I just kept calmly explaining to him that I understood it was difficult to say bye to his dummies but that I was so proud of him for giving them away etc. Lots of extra cuddles! He had a new muslin arrive in the post afterwards which we said was his thank you gift from the babies and he still loves that muslin for a cuddle!
Good luck, it’s got to be done!

nappysan · 11/06/2024 21:37

The official advice is only at bedtime and not after the age of one.

Teeth, speech, dribbling control…

The clue is in the name ‘dummy’, unfortunately.

Please get rid of it as soon as you can, it will only get worse with time. For your child’s sake follow the never have a dummy after first birthday advice if you have no option than to give one to your new baby.

plodding5 · 11/06/2024 21:41

This might be controversial but just go cold turkey (after your holiday). Just after my ds turned 2 he started biting and bursting his dummies. I got worried he would choke so I just stopped giving him one. He LOVED the dummy and I was so worried but he was fine. It took him maybe 3 or 4 nights to settle without it and it's been fine ever since. He stopped asking for it after a week; I used to tell him he's big now and doesn't need it because he's not a baby any more.

BirthdayRainbow · 11/06/2024 21:42

By six months is the best time to get rid of bottles and dummies.

daffodilandtulip · 11/06/2024 21:45

It's not just teeth, it's speech.

This is the problem with parents now, they are too scared of "meltdowns" to deal with the problem properly, in the best interests of the child.

HolidayAddict23 · 11/06/2024 21:46

YABU

BeyondMyWits · 11/06/2024 21:49

Roughly £3,000 for my niece who did not qualify for NHS treatment of her overbite as it was deemed cosmetic. THREE THOUSAND POUNDS. She slept with a dummy til just before school... so about 4.

Lolamorte · 11/06/2024 21:51

Parent of teens here- my youngest has developed a severe ‘overjet’, and has been on the waiting list for corrective orthodontics for years. My dear friend is a dentist, who alerted us to the problem and told us what the consequences of missing the treatment window would be - basically, some really painful and invasive surgery to break his jaw and wire it back in the correct shape once he has finished growing.
Like much of the country, NHS orthodontists are rarer than hen’s teeth where we live. He got seen, and recommended for swift treatment- but not by the practice who assessed him, as they were going private henceforth! Other practices became swamped with the NHS list - no chance of NHS treatment for my boy in time.
Knowing what lay in store for the poor lad, and with the treatment window about to close, I sold the car and spent £5000 on private orthodontics.
I’d recommend you lose that dummy.

midlifepisces · 11/06/2024 22:02

Mine had dummies til 3/4 and they're fine. Our dentist said as long as you gradually reduce it and it's gone by 4 you're probably alright. Some kids really find them soothing, not all kids are the same so if some pps managed it with their kids good for them but 2 is too young for some kids to give them up entirely, not to mention that it helps parents sanity.

LaPalmaLlama · 11/06/2024 22:07

The problem is that as they get older it’s harder and harder to keep it just for bedtimes as they can go and get it themselves. As soon as ds started going to get it I binned it off. Two traumatic bedtimes and it was forgotten. Honestly, just do it. stopping dd thumb sucking was a million times harder.

Original poster
MolI9 · 11/06/2024 22:12

Thank you for all the helpful replies and ideas. I'm jumping off the thread now but I really appreciate them and now have a plan to ditch it.

OP posts:
Heatherbell1978 · 11/06/2024 22:20

Meh. Mine had them until they were about 3.5. When they get to that age they become more aware of them being 'babyish' and willingly stop. At least mine did. Their teeth and speech are absolutely fine...I'm all for doing what makes your life easier. I remember feeling pressured to potty train at 2 as well. Then left DS until he was 3.5 for that as well. Sorted in a few days. So did the same for DD. You do you.

JumpingPaperback · 11/06/2024 22:27

Erughhh, wish mine liked dummies! Have 2 thumb suckers, one is 2yo so can't take his thumbs away 🙄🥴

Noseybookworm · 11/06/2024 22:32

My middle son had a dummy and like your little one he loved it. He only had it for sleep but liked to always have one in his pocket! He gave it up himself when he left nursery because he decided that once he started school he'd be too old for a dummy. He's 27 now and has perfect teeth!

PurpleBugz · 11/06/2024 22:36

I'm going to go against the grain and say it's ok to keep it for a bit longer. Dentist gave you generic advice- dummies do cause a gap so the advice is not to use them/give them up. Your dentist said teeth fine currently but you will get a gap if you continue to use dummy. And that is true so don't dismiss it completely but it's not the case just yet.

Stick to only in the cot for sleeping.

Consider not using a dummy for the new baby.

Next time your child wants a new toy say you will get it in return for giving up the dummy. Do t do the whole manipulation that big children don't have dummies or that toy is for big kids it will just make child feel bad because they still really want the dummy and will feel like they are wrong for that. You just have to find something your kid wants more than the dummy.

So basically I think it's not unreasonable to decide not to immediately take the dummy away. But it is unreasonable to just dismiss what dentist said and not try find a way to tackle it