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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take away the dummy from my 2 year old even though the dentist has advised we do...

123 replies

MolI9 · 11/06/2024 18:23

DS has just turned 2 and is a happy little boy.

The item he loves most is his dummy which he has for sleep - we usually let him have it about 45 minutes before bed and just before nap time. It creeps in more when he's poorly and he has been recently.

He has a million cuddly toys and the same one in his cot but is not in any way attached to any of them. He doesn't have another comfort item. He sleeps with a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand.

The dentist has said his teeth look good but we need to ditch the dummy asap as he'll have a gap/over bite. His suggestion was to use the dummy fairy...

I've tried to enforce having the dummy only in his cot as a step towards removing this and we have had the biggest meltdowns. To the point he was struggling to breathe and screaming to go to bed. He has good (and clear) speech and good understanding - he clearly understands his dummy is now only for when he's in his cot and sleeping - but he absolutely wouldn't understand the dummy fairy or the concept of giving his dummies away forever for a toy yet. I'm sure he will do so in the next 6 months or so.

We're also expecting a baby which has made me wary about keeping it and then trying to get rid of it when the baby has one... but I can't face taking it away before I think he's ready! DP feels terrible at the thought of it too.

AIBU to ignore the dentists advice and wait till I think he's more ready? Any advice/suggestions welcome!

OP posts:
Stressedoutforever · 11/06/2024 19:29

My 2 year old was obsessed.. the dentist told us to stop so we did! I binned nearly all of them one night and the other ones "broke" when I took a pair of scissors to them.. I let him keep a broken one and within 2 days he never asked again

First night was tough, I just kept saying I know but it's broken and mummy can't fix it

The other day he found an old dummy and I thought it was game over, instead he told me irs yucky and threw it in the bin

Pin0cchio · 11/06/2024 19:30

The meltdowns will only get worse trying to get it off a 3/4 year old.

Go cold turkey asap. You will have a rough 2 weeks then done.

Bearbookagainandagain · 11/06/2024 19:32

Stressedoutforever · 11/06/2024 19:29

My 2 year old was obsessed.. the dentist told us to stop so we did! I binned nearly all of them one night and the other ones "broke" when I took a pair of scissors to them.. I let him keep a broken one and within 2 days he never asked again

First night was tough, I just kept saying I know but it's broken and mummy can't fix it

The other day he found an old dummy and I thought it was game over, instead he told me irs yucky and threw it in the bin

I wish I could do that, but my 2.5 year old is very much aware of the power of Amazon 😂"Let's buy a new one"...

Helengreggregson · 11/06/2024 19:33

My dc still had his at 2.5 I thought we would never get rid of it he was so attached but we went cold turkey and it was literally fine within 24-48 hours. If a professional has told you this take their advice.

Stressedoutforever · 11/06/2024 19:34

Bearbookagainandagain · 11/06/2024 19:32

I wish I could do that, but my 2.5 year old is very much aware of the power of Amazon 😂"Let's buy a new one"...

Show quote history

I was asked to buy one at Tesco but we "forgot" 😂😂 he only asked once to be fair!

WitchyBits · 11/06/2024 19:35

JustmeandADHD · 11/06/2024 18:27

He won’t be ready. Just snip the tip of it off so it doesn’t feel the same and he will soon get over it. You will have a few days of tears but lots of positive reinforcement and he will be fine

I did this with my dummy addict. I tried it to the head post on the bed so it would literally just fit into his mouth so no strangulation risk. Then every 2-3 nights I cut a sliver off the silicone bit until there was nothing there. Thankfully his teeth died over the next 2 years but it was looking pretty ropey for a while

WonderingWanda · 11/06/2024 19:36

Follow the professional advice and find other (probably harder work) ways to soothe him. He's old enough to deal with it.

Indigococo84 · 11/06/2024 19:36

Honestly just get rid of it. Both of my kids have an overbite due to dummy use. I feel so guilty about it.

TipsyKoala · 11/06/2024 19:39

Our DD used a dummy to sleep but we got rid of it around age 2.5 because her teeth really were protruding at the front. The dummy fairy was an epic fail! After weeks of preparing her for the arrival of the fairy, lots of talking about how she was going to give her dummies away, we gave in at midnight the first night because we couldn’t cope with the screaming. Instead I put a cut in her dummies which reduces suction and makes them less appealing. This would probably not be widely recommended though due to bacteria but I sterilised them constantly. After getting rid her teeth went back to normal and she now has completely straight adult teeth.

Original poster
MolI9 · 11/06/2024 19:54

A few people have mentioned speech and I do understand that concern but he has no speech problems.

I going to remove the dummy within a month. We only saw the dentist on Friday so I don't feel guilty waiting a couple of weeks and enjoying a holiday without screaming for his dummy every night. Nobody we're going away with would thank me for that either.

Dummy fairy isn't going to work so I think it may have to cut the tip - other suggestions very welcome! For now I'm going to restrict to in his cot so it's not a massive part of the bedtime routine and maybe take away the other 2 that he holds in his hands one by one.

OP posts:
Iloveeverycat · 11/06/2024 19:55

Please ignore my ignorance but I don't quite understand about dummies at all I had 4 children none had dummies and didn't suck their thumbs either. Is there anyone who doesn't use dummies anymore. If they are so hard to stop using them why start.

mummyh2016 · 11/06/2024 20:08

OP we took DD off her at 2 years 9 months and that was only because she'd had an assessment at SALT and were told to get rid. She was practically addicted to it. We did it cold turkey, we had a horrendous first night, second night she asked for it once and never asked again. It was hard, she was wailing but I had to be stubborn. Anyway she had a very obvious gab in her bite. She's 7 now and there's no gap at all (she's only lost one baby tooth so it's not a case of it's her adult teeth that have solved it). DS is currently 2 and he only has his for sleeps. We saw our dentist last week who has said to get rid within a year (will be before then anyway, we go on holiday in 2 months and will get rid after then in the school holidays so it won't matter so much if he keeps DD awake crying).

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 11/06/2024 20:09

All my kids had them and all gew up with perfect teeth.

Radiatorvalves · 11/06/2024 20:36

I never used them and my boys never wanted them. And one upside was that we didn’t have to go through dummy cold turkey. I’d never heard of the sids argument - is that really a thing?

Original poster
MolI9 · 11/06/2024 20:42

@Radiatorvalves yeah bit disputed for various reasons but have a look on the nhs website.

OP posts:
Mishmashs · 11/06/2024 20:43

I have a friend who weaned her daughter if hers by the first night cutting the tip off, second night cutting a little more off, third night etc - no more dummy. You’ll have to be strong, after a week without he’ll have forgotten about it.

Quittingwifework · 11/06/2024 20:51

Iloveeverycat · 11/06/2024 19:55

Please ignore my ignorance but I don't quite understand about dummies at all I had 4 children none had dummies and didn't suck their thumbs either. Is there anyone who doesn't use dummies anymore. If they are so hard to stop using them why start.

I don’t use them! And none of my friends do either!

Quittingwifework · 11/06/2024 20:51

Radiatorvalves · 11/06/2024 20:36

I never used them and my boys never wanted them. And one upside was that we didn’t have to go through dummy cold turkey. I’d never heard of the sids argument - is that really a thing?

It’s not really I think parents use it as an excuse

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/06/2024 20:53

Well yes, of course you are. Why go to a professional if you’re going to ignore them?

The dummy fairy called on our grandson at 2. Wasn’t an issue at all.

EatTheGnome · 11/06/2024 20:58

MolI9 · 11/06/2024 19:54

A few people have mentioned speech and I do understand that concern but he has no speech problems.

I going to remove the dummy within a month. We only saw the dentist on Friday so I don't feel guilty waiting a couple of weeks and enjoying a holiday without screaming for his dummy every night. Nobody we're going away with would thank me for that either.

Dummy fairy isn't going to work so I think it may have to cut the tip - other suggestions very welcome! For now I'm going to restrict to in his cot so it's not a massive part of the bedtime routine and maybe take away the other 2 that he holds in his hands one by one.

"Forget" them when you pack to come home.

I know you feel mean taking them but you're saving years of braces and everything that goes with it. The state of the NHS means I'd be surprised he would even get them in 12+ years unless he meets strict criteria.

Teamustbefromateapot · 11/06/2024 21:04

I personally would be inclined to let him keep it until he's settled with a new sibling. My eldest was nowhere near ready at 2, especially as he'd got a new sibling, but around 2yrs 4months we felt he was more ready and he put his dummies inside a build a bear that he chose. That teddy does now go everywhere with us still, even at 3, but it was a smooth transition! I think because he didn't feel he was losing them completely

Xyz1234567 · 11/06/2024 21:04

Dummies are awful things- unhygienic, bad for speech development and they distortion the position of teeth. You should get rid of them. Why don't you want to? The only reason I can see is that it's going to mean a little more effort and inconvenience for you. Listen to the bloody dentist fgs. You shouldn't need to ask.

Missmarple87 · 11/06/2024 21:05

Iloveeverycat · 11/06/2024 19:55

Please ignore my ignorance but I don't quite understand about dummies at all I had 4 children none had dummies and didn't suck their thumbs either. Is there anyone who doesn't use dummies anymore. If they are so hard to stop using them why start.

My kids were never into them - rejected them as babies when I tried to use them to buy myself a bit more sleep! I think kids are 'sucky' types or they're not, though. I also think people used to be more disapproving of them - I know my mum is horrified by walking, talking kids wandering around with dummies in (shes a bit snooty).

willowtolive · 11/06/2024 21:14

My just turned 2 year old loved his dummy , absolutely loved it. Over last few weeks they've slowly disappeared like they do and we were down to one. Which then broke and I got him to put it in the bin himself. OH went straight down to the shop to buy more but I thought there's no better time than then to ditch the dummy . Two nights and two naps later we are dummy free. So might not be as hard as you think , my son was exactly the same his dummy was his prized possession! Good luck!

nomeslice · 11/06/2024 21:15

Meta analysis of related published research concludes "Pacifier use beyond the age of 3 contributes to a higher incidence in anterior open bite, posterior cross bite and narrow intercuspid width. The greater the longevity and duration ofpacifier use, the greater the potential for harmful results."

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17256438/