To not take away the dummy from my 2 year old even though the dentist has advised we do...

[MolI9]

DS has just turned 2 and is a happy little boy.

The item he loves most is his dummy which he has for sleep - we usually let him have it about 45 minutes before bed and just before nap time. It creeps in more when he's poorly and he has been recently.

He has a million cuddly toys and the same one in his cot but is not in any way attached to any of them. He doesn't have another comfort item. He sleeps with a dummy in his mouth and one in each hand.

The dentist has said his teeth look good but we need to ditch the dummy asap as he'll have a gap/over bite. His suggestion was to use the dummy fairy...

I've tried to enforce having the dummy only in his cot as a step towards removing this and we have had the biggest meltdowns. To the point he was struggling to breathe and screaming to go to bed. He has good (and clear) speech and good understanding - he clearly understands his dummy is now only for when he's in his cot and sleeping - but he absolutely wouldn't understand the dummy fairy or the concept of giving his dummies away forever for a toy yet. I'm sure he will do so in the next 6 months or so.

We're also expecting a baby which has made me wary about keeping it and then trying to get rid of it when the baby has one... but I can't face taking it away before I think he's ready! DP feels terrible at the thought of it too.

AIBU to ignore the dentists advice and wait till I think he's more ready? Any advice/suggestions welcome!

YABU

Although I believe orthodontic dummies are better than thumb sucking. You could end up in a worse situation if he starts sucking his thumb instead.

Take the dentist’s professional advice. You really don’t want to risk your DC needing orthodontic treatment, possibly even maxillofacial surgery for an overbite just for a quiet life now. It is a brutal procedure.

The longer you leave it the harder it will be for everyone involved. And I say that sitting here with my 2 year old daughter very upset she isn't having a bottle at bedtime. I have made excuses for why I haven't done it before, but this is night one and there will be no more bottles. We have the bottle fairy haha!

Totally agree with gummy vs thumb.

That was my thing no dummies for any of mine unless they started to try thumb sucking. I can take away dummy. Legally it’s looked down upon to chop off thumbs 🤣

My initial plan after the dentist said that was to remove it first from his bedtime routine and then completely after our holiday in a couple of weeks and do lots of talking about it in the meantime so I'll try and stick with this.

Baby will have one as it's advice to prevent SIDs (albeit the evidence isn't particularly strong) but I have already thought about getting rid of it much sooner before they can get attached in this way.

Not all medical professionals even agree dummies reduce the SIDs risk. Breastfeeding does

YABU as it really will be harder when baby comes. I planned from birth to take DSs dummy along with bottles at 1 then ended up pregnant again 4 months later, DS was 13 months when DD was born and we couldn't take the dummies as he would just take hers (same with the bottles although we were stricter about that).

Ended up throwing the dummies after DD turned 1 and they went cold turkey - we had a crap week sleep wise then neither of them were bothered. He asks for 'nummy' occasionally but I just tell him they're all gone and he says okay and moves on.

@Quittingwifework I know but I'm not going to ignore as some evidence suggest it does. I will removing it before 12 months though which seems to generally be dentists advice. I'll be breast feeding too - even though I'd rather not.

Why would you give a baby a dummy when your dentist has told you it will spoil their teeth?

The whole dummies possibly prevents Sid’s. Isn’t that because it actually makes baby wake more because they wake up because the dummy fell out. You might as well just go poke your baby awake every hour.

A gentle way is to pop it out once your toddler is sleeping. So they suck to sleep and then you ease it out.

@OhmygodDont @GrannyOgre he did have a tendency to suck his thumb before he could find his dummy and put it back in although he doesn't during the day so fingers crossed this doesn't replace it. The dentist did say if we removed it any gap should go as it's not currently significant - warned about braces in the future if we didn't (but then I had three sets and never had a dummy so that could happen anyway!)

I'd get it long gone before the baby comes. Mg daughters 2.5 and has never had a dummy but wants one now her sister has one

I believe it's having the dummy at the start of sleep - the advice is not to put it back in if it falls out when they're asleep but to give it for going to sleep.

Get rid before 12 months! 4-6 months.

Family member is a maxfax surgeon, says dummy use has absolutely minimal impact on tooth/jaw positioning and formation if used just for bedtime.

Our DD is 3 and still has hers, we told the dentist she doesn't and the dentist said she could "see the improvement" in her teeth. It's nonsense.

So are you going to wait until the damage is done before removing the dummy?

You need to do it, sorry. YABU to wait.

This. DS16 still had a dummy until 4(at night). I got told off by the school
nurse. But his dental problems are unusual and not caused by the dummy - according to our dentist - and will be fixed by braces.

We found it much easier to go cold turkey with a new cuddly toy at 4 as he could understand much better. An earlier attempt at 2 was a disaster - at 4 he had a couple of upset bedtimes but settled reasonably quickly.

Speech problems are surely only an issue in kids who spend all day with one in their mouths - never the case with mine and not with OP’s child either.

The harder problem to tackle was DS1’s thumb sucking - still doing it at 10/11 and damaged his thumb.

If you’re bf you don’t need to use a dummy as the baby will wake up more frequently

Yes, this is exactly what our dentist said - not a problem if used at night.

There is a big difference between an hour at bedtime and all day.

My DS had a dummy until he was 3 and about 4 months - like you, mainly for sleep / naps and when ill. We did the dummy fairy when he was old enough to understand - and he got a lovely toy from the dummy fairy and there was no issues after that. I felt 2 was just too young to understand the concept.

He's 12 now and has wonderfully straight teeth. I would be much more concerned about thumb sucking as you can't remove a thumb.

I wouldn't be overly concerned right now - dummy sucking doesn't automatically mean a child will need braces. My daughter didn't have a dummy as she didn't like them - she has a referral to an orthodontist for an overbite.. (also didn't suck her thumb).

YABU, braces etc. is much more traumatic for a child than removing the dummy. Take it now before it gets harder.

My 3 and a half year old is still a dummy fiend. The dummy has honestly saved our sanity. Saw dentist recently. Forgot to mention dummy. He said her teeth look great. We limited to car, night time and when poorly / tired. Most of the time, she's not sucking on it, it just sort of hangs in there. I really struggle to see what the harm is. Is there really evidence it messes up teeth? I know people judge but I honestly couldn't care less.

Whenever we took the dummy off our youngest she stuck her thumb in 🤬 having had a thumb addict and 2 dummy addicts, the dummies are easier.

We were strict they were for in bed only and the youngest eventually gave up about 6 which is when the dummy tears are too small and they start to lose their full sucking reflex. Far less traumatic than the thumb sucker and what that took - socks taped around hands which meant she couldn't stroke her cuddly

Our 2.5 year old still has it for naps and bedtime. My sisters 4 kids had theirs until 3-4 yo for sleep only, dentist said it was absolutely nothing to worry about, and they have never had any gap...
It depends how they use it I guess, but my toddler only uses it to fall asleep, he doesn't keep it all night.