Shorter maternity leave???

[Sausagedog101]

Has anyone here taken a shorter mat leave (less than a year)???

I am taking 8 months which is the right decision for us as a family (my MH is in tatters and work help keeps it at bay!) but I get a lot of surprised/shocked comments from people who say they can't believe I'm not taking the year, or people saying I'm not making the most of the 'full allowance'.

I would argue quality over quantity is more important but I am feeling abnormal for wanting/needing to work when everyone seems to love mat leave and never want to go back. I keep busy with my boys and always out and about but my mind craves stimulation or else I end up in a dark place.

Anyone else???

I do disagree with a PP that babies cannot be intellectually stimulating. I'm an academic and I still find babies stimulating. I like thinking about child development and the impact of their learning experiences on their developing brains, so that in itself is stimulating for me. Watching your own child develop is even more amazing. However YANBU at all not to take a full year off OP and I didn't either.

I took 13.5 months with both of mine, so stretched to the limit of mat leave plus annual leave. Childcare is so extortionate where I am l that it currently costs our family more for me to work than not. So, there was no financial benefit to going back sooner - though I enjoy my job.

People love to comment on how long I took off and ask questions. Don’t I feel guilty for not earning? Wouldn’t the kids be better learning to socialise? How can you afford it? Aren’t you bored?

My sister went back at two months. She earns much more than I do but had a worse maternity package. She also disliked the newborn phase (but was so much better with toddlers than me), so this worked well for her family. All of our children are fine.

Everyone and their dog seems to have an opinion on everything you do as a parent, so just do whatever works best for you and your family and block out all the noise as much as you can!

I think what I said has been taken out of context.

I love spending time with my baby and I find him, and his responses, watching him grow etc, very stimulating. I love watching him grow and learn.

However, what I miss is a different type of stimulation. I struggle mentally and find even when I am with my baby, playing with him etc, my mind can unfortunately often be elsewhere, lost in obsessive thoughts/rumination and rituals. Hard to explain unless you understand severe OCD.

At work I focus on a particular task/deliverable and don't have time to dwell on these thoughts.

So it isn't that I don't find babies stimulating, I do! But I need a different sort of stimulation to keep me as well as I can be. I hope that clarifies!

I can only take 4 months (it's all I get where I live, not the UK). I'm sad about it and the thought of pumping milk at work fills me with dread but I have no choice.

They would fire me if I didn't go back and I would lose my visa, so it's not even about money!

My family back in the UK have called it "child cruelty" when I told them how short my mat leave is. Thanks a lot grandma, really helpful.

Sorry @Sausagedog101 I was responding to a different PP there, didn't mean to aim that at you. I totally understand. It makes a lot of sense.

I took 8-9 months both times with mine. I am the higher earner and couldn't afford to be off any longer , had to use savings during the SMP period and there was no way I could have been off unpaid after 39 weeks.
I don't think people realise that if you have a year off the last three months is unpaid, which is financially challenging for many, plus SMP isn't much if you are the highest earner.

To be honest 8-9 months was enough for me anyway, had PND after the first and going back to work helped, second one was during the lockdowns and being off with no playgroups / soft play / limited socialising was tricky. DH and me worked part time so they weren't in nursery too much when they were little.

I had 6 months

It worked out well

Anyone else?
Hopeful bump

I took 10 months with my first (1 pre baby arriving and 9 after). 11 months with my second but again 1 pre baby arriving. I technically only took the 9 months paid ML with my second and the rest holidays/bank holiday accrued but strategically placed Christmas holidays with my second.

Its quite common in my circle of friends just to take the 9 months then tack on a month holiday or use the holiday to go part time for a few months. I know very few who took the full entitlement including the no paid months.

Where I live I got 10 weeks and it was horrific. Babies are way too young to go to daycare at that age so luckily we could use family.

I personally would have killed for a year because the guilt of leaving a small baby is crushing. But I accept everyone's different and if you're ok with baby in daycare all day that's your choice, you know your baby.

10 weeks must have been hard, I'm sorry.

My little boy will start nursery at 9 months as my husband will take a month of leave after me. My eldest started at a year but struggled to settle but I've heard separation anxiety is better at 9 months so hope that is the case!

Being at home with a baby or young child is a completely different form of stimulation to the mental stimulation derived from working as a scientist or lawyer or doctor or financial expert etc. Its ok for women to crave or enjoy that.

Like many parents i was very torn. I did enjoy maternity leave and took as long as i could, but did want to return to my work. For me the right answer was a reduction in hours to balance work & family. I was lucky to be able to afford that choice.

I took about ten months off per child. The second time around we were in a position to be able to do SPL so my husband had about three months off with our children (mixture of SPL and well-timed annual leave straddling two holiday years).

I don’t think taking 8 months off is unusual at all.

I took 6 months, 5 months and 4 months mat leave with my 3 children. With the last, my husband shared parental leave and we took 4 months each. They all went to nursery when I/we went back to work. I had huge guilt with my first - I had to go back full time to pay the bills (and I like my job anyway) but the number of comments I got was awful. With my last dc I worked at a US company where much shorter mat leave and full time working is the norm (I also care much less what people think!). It all worked out well for us and I have no regrets.

Thank you for sharing your experience. What hours did you find worked best for you? I returned 4 days after my first maternity leave and loved the balance.

I took six months. Got fed up of comments about how I'd feel different when the baby was here and would want to stay with them for the full year - didn't matter what I did or didn't want, we could only afford six months and that was that.

I was marginally the higher earner and contributed more to household bills, so DH did take additional maternity leave of six weeks when I went back after six months, which was great as it happened to be over Christmas/New Years/January sales and he would never have been allowed to take leave at that time, so he got to spend some proper time with DS over the Christmas period.

Thank you for sharing your experience. How did you find going back at 6 months? Was it ok for you?

How long did you take, if you don't mind me asking?

It was and it wasn't. I enjoyed maternity leave a lot so would have liked longer, but at the same time work was a bit of a rest - I guess it depends on your job really. I like mine, and they were very supportive.

I think it helped that DH was looking after DS to start with, and when DH went back to work my parents had DS.

Should perhaps add that I was breastfeeding so had to express in work, which was an added thing - though it was fine, I took my tablet and headphones and watched films while expressing.

I took 2 weeks but self employed and boiler had failed. I didn't go back full time just Abit to keep job going

Everyone has different feelings and experiences with having a baby. I think people have to do what is right for them and their family. I'd have rather had more time off, personally, but I loved the baby stage with mine and didn't particularly enjoy my job enough to rush back. Plus I had a good network of friends and family around me to spend time with. Hormones are powerful things and really influence our feelings when our children are babies.

I get this! I wish maternity leave could be taken within the first 5 years or something - I would take more time with my eldest (nearly 2) now!

@Sausagedog101 where I am there is additional 6 months of unpaid parental leave for each parent which can be taken up until your child is 8 without affecting pension contributions. Most people use it to work reduced hours until it runs out. Minimizes loss of earnings if you're only taking a few hours a week and means that there's a more equal split in parenting too. Childcare is also so expensive and difficult to access that it's a huge incentive to use it. I don't know anyone who hasn't used it to be honest.

I couldn't afford more either and so many people seemed to question me about it! "Oh, you're not taking the full year?", "oh wow, you're back early!" Etc. After a while I got quite honest with them and said I didn't want to be there but also wanted to pay my mortgage! That seemed to shut people up😂

Frist time 10 months second time 13.

Remember you are entitled to unpaid parental leave of up to a year any time your kid is up to 18. If you ever want some more time with your kids (when they are older and more fun, or if you want to travel or something) then it's still possible.

Also remember your baby won't even remember