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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find what’s happened to Michael Mosley quite anxiety provoking

966 replies

Glasto73lover · 10/06/2024 18:14

It’s that idea of never really knowing what’s going to happen- the idea that we walk such a fine line in life. If you think too much about it, you probably wouldn’t leave the house.!

A close family member died suddenly and tragically a decade ago - literally dropped dead at home age 48 - something went pop in their head. So you genuinely don’t know when your time is up.

It’s that idea of a chain of consequence that can go so horribly wrong too- people always say ‘oh but you could get hit by a bus’ - stuff like this actually makes me really anxious. So many what ifs.

For Michael Moseley - a chain of probably inconsequential decisions may have led to his death- not having a phone on him, choosing to undertake a walk that in the U.K. is nothing but in that heat, was devastating and probably caused his death.

It makes me anxious that I won’t know if I am making those decisions - am I making sense? I think as I have got older, I have become more anxious and risk averse (thanks menopause) and as a result, you could end up not leaving the house. How do you choose a sensible approach? Not too much risk but some!

But I also want to live my life too!! I guess I find incidents like this quite difficult!

I guess always having a phone, not undertaking walks in intense heat in an unfamiliar place etc are the common sense points that will come out of this tragedy.

Aibu to find it anxiety provoking tho?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
beatrix1234 · 11/06/2024 11:00

GingerbicciesPlease · 11/06/2024 10:56

I think, sadly, that if he was full of (misguided) optimism and exuberance (which is how he comes over on TV) he was possibly thinking 'I can do this, it's only 4 miles'.

But heatstroke is a killer and being dehydrated clouds judgement.

Yep, that's how I see it too. Optimism and exuberance are great attitudes for some things... but not so great for others unfortunately.

VenusEnvyXX · 11/06/2024 11:03

Keeptoiletssafe · 11/06/2024 10:21

Firstly I hope his family will be taking comfort in the outpouring of lovely stories that I have seen in the media.

But a few statistics in the following post so thought I should warn. Also- it’s long!

If you collapse, being able to survive or if you suffer long-term damage, will be down to whether someone notices and rescues you.

I am campaigning for gaps to be kept between the floor and the bottom of the toilet doors. Small design detail that saves lots of lives when you need it.

None of the government’s new toilet designs (in every non domestic building and refurbishments) from October specify door gaps. They specify every door should be able to be opened from the outside in an emergency but there is no point if you can’t see the person, so don’t know if they have collapsed. They also specify acoustic deadening.

If you’re out and about or at work and feel nauseous/ill you are likely to head to the toilet.
There are around 100,000 hospital admissions due to heart attacks in this country, equating to one every five minutes.
There are also around 100,000 strokes in this country, equating to one every five minutes. There are known medical reasons for a disproportionally high frequency of cardiac arrests and strokes while an individual is in the toilet because of the physiological strain on the body.

Around 1% of people in this country have epilepsy and around 80 people are diagnosed with epilepsy each day. To put it into perspective there are around 9 children with epilepsy in an average secondary school.

There are many other conditions that lead to collapse where you need to be noticed and accessed quickly eg. diabetes.

A recent government report noted 80% of the thousands of incidents of drink spiking happen in public places, usually in bars and clubs, mainly to women, average age 26.

Prevention of sexual assaults is also key.
In any space that becomes private, more offences are likely to take place. In Parliament it was discussed that there was at least 1 rape inside a school premises each day (over 600 in a 3 year period). The data, collected by the BBC, mentions an example occurring in a private cupboard. This was in 2015, before many schools decided to change their toilet designs to fully enclosed and mixed sex. There is no available data on these new toilet designs but, teachers and pupils are reporting many problems with drug dealing, dirt and sex. The toilet door gaps are vital for safeguarding to help prevent activities that stop pupils, especially girls, going to the toilet. There are known problems of girls avoiding toilets and getting urinary infections or missing school. This legislation does not affect schools but they have been at the ‘coalface’ of new experimental toilet designs so it a good demonstration of what goes wrong.

A quick internet search brings up the disproportionate number of sexual assaults and rapes that happen to able bodied and disabled women and girls in disabled toilets in this country which are obviously mixed sex and fully enclosed toilets, often in very public places such as busy train stations and shopping centres.

More problems with toilets with enclosed full height doors are:

  • Ventilation is decreased so there’s a higher risk of disease spread.
  • Evacuation times are greatly increased as a responder can’t tell quickly if stalls are occupied.
  • Hygiene is compromised as a mop can’t go underneath the doors nor floor be washed down. It is awkward to enter the cubicle with a mop and detritus ends up on the partition corners.
  • Doors are more likely to get stuck/warped and the cubicle out of action.
  • People are more likely to engage in illegal activities (drugs) or self harm if they are in a private space.
  • The length of time in a cubicle is increased, especially if the wash basin is in there so queues are longer.
  • Occupants can’t see if anyone is lying in wait outside their cubicle if they are feeling vulnerable.

Why have toilet cubicle door gaps disappeared from the new public toilet designs?

There are many articles and videos on why we have gaps under and over toilet doors - so it is worrying these have been ignored. The initial government consultation that was publicised several years ago led to Stonewall coordinating a response and very effectively dominating the results. There is nothing wrong with this as such but the policy goals that were created from the initial consultation concentrated on mixed sex ‘universal’ toilets and privacy because of toilets being mixed sex. The concepts of mixed sex toilets have then been applied to the single sex designs without anyone joining the dots as to why the gaps are there.

Apologies for the long post but one of the reasons I am so passionate about this is I did save a young girl who had collapsed, by noticing she had because of a toilet door gap. She was in very public block of toilets and had already collapsed and was silent. I helped get her breathing properly again.

Unfortunately no politician has got back to me when I have tried to raise this, hence me raising this here. I have sent a lot of research to lots of people. No journalist has ran with it.

It’s something I hope will get into people’s minds who have any kind of influence. So I hope people won’t mind me adding this post to a thread about a very inspirational man but he made a point about getting messages out. So I am trying to do that as much as possible.

Mind the gap - it saves lives.

Where can we learn more about your work, @Keeptoiletssafe ?

SallyWD · 11/06/2024 11:04

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 10:36

Have to admit I felt some of this too.

I keep thinking of his poor wife coming home from that 'holiday' alone when he should have been with her...not like they even got to enjoy a final lovely holiday together as he went for his walk on their first full day.

Just such a silly decision to make from someone who definitely knew better, but then as his wife said, he was an adventurous man and that's part of why she loved him. I'd be fuming myself.

I do understand the anger and I'm sure his wife will have those feelings too. After all anger is a part of the grieving process.
But I just feel so sorry for MM because he got lost! It seems he didn't mean to walk for so long. He intended to take a shorter route. It must have been so frightening for him, especially as he started to feel unwell and there was nowhere to shelter. I can only imagine the panic.
I know what you mean OP. I was chatting to my neighbour one Friday evening. He was 50, very fit and healthy and full of life. About to get married. He was so happy. By the time I woke up on Saturday morning he was dead. I saw them remove his body. He just dropped dead. I couldn't get my head around the fact that the body I saw in a body bag wad the same animated man I'd been having such a laugh with 12 hours before. It was a terrible shock and had a bad effect on me, seeing how life can end so very suddenly with no warning.
I had cancer in my 30s when my children were toddlers. It was a real shock, a rare cancer for a young woman to get. It forced me to face up to my own mortality. I literally spent months focusing on the fact I might die quite soon. This obsession with my own death made me realise a few things. Firstly, it was much more horrifying to me to think of leaving my young children without a mother than to think of me dying. Secondly, it made me think about the fact that every single one of us will die. While it's scary to think of yourself dying, it will happen! And every person you know will die. Some very suddenly and unexpectedly in the prime of their life. Some will suffer many years of illness and pain before dying. Living to 100 is not necessarily a good thing as I've seen the wretched lives some people are living in their 80s and 90s. Death is the one thing we all have in common.
The third thing my cancer taught was how fleeting and precious life is. After my diagnosis everything felt more vivid - colours were brighter, food tasted better, the most mundane moments like queuing at a supermarket seemed somehow magical! Here I am! Alive! Breathing in and out, watching the world around me. One day I won't be here anymore and everyone will carry on living their lives. The world will keep turning, new babies will be born. Life goes on without me.
We're only on this earth for such a brief time. There's no point wasting time and energy worrying about the fact you'll die. Just try to get pleasure from each day. I try to have a positive impact on those around me. That to me is a life well lived.

MuseKira · 11/06/2024 11:05

westisbest1982 · 11/06/2024 10:57

This ridiculous prolonging of life through “ jogging in your 80s” means more and more people end up with the onset of dementia and have to experience horrific deaths

That's a bit ridiculous. Regular exercise has been proved time and time again to reduce the chances of getting certain diseases, including dementia.

Yes, but "regular exercise" doesn't mean jogging in your 80s. A regular daily sedate walk is just as good, as are activities like yoga and pilates, gardening, etc.

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 11:06

Goldenbear · 11/06/2024 10:57

I agree with you but I do think it comes down to personality type and if you simply don’t think in that way you are highly unlikely to take such measures. My Dad really lacks common sense but he is pretty fearless and doesn’t care- He has been in loads of different scenarios that have been hair raising and when you point this out he doesn’t see it like that.

Yep, add my dad to this too!

I commented on another thread about MM that it's hit me so hard partially because of my dad, who I know would do this exact type of thing and is a similar age. He is an optimist and always thinks everything will be fine, even if what he's doing is objectively pretty risky. I have asked him not to do several things through the years but he always does.

You do sort of get resigned to it as part of someone's personality, and then something like this happens and it makes you really worry because you just want them to be more cautious and keep safe. But they'll never change.

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 11:12

But I just feel so sorry for MM because he got lost! It seems he didn't mean to walk for so long. He intended to take a shorter route. It must have been so frightening for him, especially as he started to feel unwell and there was nowhere to shelter. I can only imagine the panic.

I do agree but it just seems a bit foolish to press ahead up such a huge incline, it must have been a really arduous walk and many would have turned back.

But I do feel terrible for him, I just hope he laid down for a rest knowing he was near help and went quickly rather than realising he was in serious trouble.

Goldenbear · 11/06/2024 11:14

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 11:06

Yep, add my dad to this too!

I commented on another thread about MM that it's hit me so hard partially because of my dad, who I know would do this exact type of thing and is a similar age. He is an optimist and always thinks everything will be fine, even if what he's doing is objectively pretty risky. I have asked him not to do several things through the years but he always does.

You do sort of get resigned to it as part of someone's personality, and then something like this happens and it makes you really worry because you just want them to be more cautious and keep safe. But they'll never change.

Yes, my Dad is an Optimist as well as an idealist. In the 1970s he was working in Uganda with my Mum and when Idi Armen was locking up Westerners, my Dad wouldn’t leave, my Mum did as she was terrified and is very much a person that thinks along the lines of ‘dotting the I’s and crossing the Ts’. In the end my Mum left with a friend who were helped by some American soldiers and they left on a cargo plane. There are many situations like this that my Mum just couldn’t accommodate anymore and it wasn’t the reason but they divorced.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 11/06/2024 11:15

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 10:36

Have to admit I felt some of this too.

I keep thinking of his poor wife coming home from that 'holiday' alone when he should have been with her...not like they even got to enjoy a final lovely holiday together as he went for his walk on their first full day.

Just such a silly decision to make from someone who definitely knew better, but then as his wife said, he was an adventurous man and that's part of why she loved him. I'd be fuming myself.

Maybe his wife’s on MN? She can have a read of this thread and the outpourings of judgement sympathy🙄

blondiepigtails · 11/06/2024 11:16

crackofdoom · 10/06/2024 18:43

As a solitary walker this has, indeed, given me food for thought.

I've had numerous "getting- lost-and-ending-up- scrabbling- up-a-tiny-goat-path-on-the-side-of-a-cliff" moments. Nobody's going to find you if you're in the undergrowth way off the path.
You do hear about lost walkers, quite regularly. I did a 14 mile walk on Exmoor last weekend (which also involved getting spectacularly lost, ending up with barbed wire cuts and a dozen ticks 😳), which included a massive cliff on the coast path- a nearly sheer drop of 200m. When I got back to the campsite, the farmer took a great deal of relish in telling me about the lone female walker who disappeared there recently. "They had all the helicopters out, but it took them three days to find her body at the foot of the cliff" 😪.

But what can you do, other than take reasonable precautions? Walking gives me such joy, and statistically the chances are that it will lengthen your life rather than the opposite.

I don't really like the holier than thou posters sneering about how stupid MM was. We all make mistakes, and my guess is that he never meant to walk that far. Got lost after Pedi perhaps, dehydration kicked in, he started to get confused...?

Oh I do love where I live! The poor woman in question who fell from the coast path a couple of weeks ago was found only 14 hours (not 3 days!) later by the coastguard helicopter. She had been suffering from dizzy spells but had been feeling better so had decided to go out on her usual walk. Again, I don't think anyone will ever quite know what happened. This walk isn't remote, it's close to the town and popular - BUT it is an awful long way down....

Waitingfordoggo · 11/06/2024 11:17

But I do feel terrible for him, I just hope he laid down for a rest knowing he was near help and went quickly rather than realising he was in serious trouble.

@MaMarysBigBowl, I’ve had the same thoughts. The idea of someone alone feeling panicked and frightened in their last moments is very upsetting. MM seemed like a very positive and optimistic person so I hope that he as he lay/fell down he was thinking ‘Someone in that cafe will see me and help will come soon’. If I was his wife I think that’s the narrative I’d be telling myself.

MuseKira · 11/06/2024 11:18

@SallyWD

The third thing my cancer taught was how fleeting and precious life is. After my diagnosis everything felt more vivid - colours were brighter, food tasted better, the most mundane moments like queuing at a supermarket seemed somehow magical! Here I am! Alive! Breathing in and out, watching the world around me. One day I won't be here anymore and everyone will carry on living their lives. The world will keep turning, new babies will be born. Life goes on without me.
We're only on this earth for such a brief time. There's no point wasting time and energy worrying about the fact you'll die. Just try to get pleasure from each day. I try to have a positive impact on those around me. That to me is a life well lived.

I'm similar, not remotely scared of dying - the only things certain in life are death and taxes! What I AM scared of is leaving people behind, which is the main motivator as to why I try my best to look after myself, keep my affairs in good order, etc., so that I'm more likely to live a bit longer and if I don't, then the "burden" on my OH and son will be much reduced as I've done all I can to make it as easy as possible for them once I've gone. That's facing up to inevitable reality and not burying my head in the sand.

I'm a convert to "wellness", i.e. living my best life now, enjoying the simple things in life, like gardening, wildlife, meditation, mindfulness, spending quality time with loved ones, etc. I get far more out of that kind of thing. Doing any kind of "risky" activity just doesn't do it for me. Yes, people would probably say I'm risk averse, but I'm past all that - I did "risky" things when I was younger (some were intentionally risky like abseiling but others were just plain old stupidity and lack of planning etc) and look back with horror at some of the things I did!

HarryPottersScar · 11/06/2024 11:20

Marinade · 10/06/2024 19:34

How rude are you? Incorrect, he died two hours after his last sighting so he would likely not have made the three hour hike even if had he taken the correct route. He had no phone and insufficient water in 40 degree heat.

Had he taken the correct route home there would have been more shade and places for him to rest and get refreshment. He would definitely have had a better chance.

Katiesaidthat · 11/06/2024 11:27

Goldenbear · 11/06/2024 10:13

Yes it is, I didn’t mean to be flippant. We went to Spain last year with some friends, I was so looking forward to it as we hadn’t been to the Mediterranean for 6 years but it was just way too hot for me and DD. I was really worried about DD who is very fragile looking and had quite bad asthma from the dryness of the heat. The temperature was hitting 40 on a couple of days and then 35 most other days. We spent a fortune on drinks and snacks in restaurants as well as the meals as we were perpetually escaping the sun. The best day out was a gallery that had amazing Air conditioning! I remember going on holiday with my parents to Spain, Southern France, Italy and it just wasn’t the same, we could actually do stuff. That said my brother was in Italy last year and it was 45 at one point and he said all was fine.

Actually, last summer in Spain was the hottest on record. Heat wave after heatwave after heatwave, and each one going on for a week or ten days. I was born in Mediterranean Spain and have lived here all my life and even I was weary. I started getting headaches and a nurse friend warned me to make sure I drank more water, as the "headache" was the first sign of dehydration. Unfortunately, we either respect the heat or we pay the price.

GingerbicciesPlease · 11/06/2024 11:28

Keeptoiletssafe · 11/06/2024 10:21

Firstly I hope his family will be taking comfort in the outpouring of lovely stories that I have seen in the media.

But a few statistics in the following post so thought I should warn. Also- it’s long!

If you collapse, being able to survive or if you suffer long-term damage, will be down to whether someone notices and rescues you.

I am campaigning for gaps to be kept between the floor and the bottom of the toilet doors. Small design detail that saves lots of lives when you need it.

None of the government’s new toilet designs (in every non domestic building and refurbishments) from October specify door gaps. They specify every door should be able to be opened from the outside in an emergency but there is no point if you can’t see the person, so don’t know if they have collapsed. They also specify acoustic deadening.

If you’re out and about or at work and feel nauseous/ill you are likely to head to the toilet.
There are around 100,000 hospital admissions due to heart attacks in this country, equating to one every five minutes.
There are also around 100,000 strokes in this country, equating to one every five minutes. There are known medical reasons for a disproportionally high frequency of cardiac arrests and strokes while an individual is in the toilet because of the physiological strain on the body.

Around 1% of people in this country have epilepsy and around 80 people are diagnosed with epilepsy each day. To put it into perspective there are around 9 children with epilepsy in an average secondary school.

There are many other conditions that lead to collapse where you need to be noticed and accessed quickly eg. diabetes.

A recent government report noted 80% of the thousands of incidents of drink spiking happen in public places, usually in bars and clubs, mainly to women, average age 26.

Prevention of sexual assaults is also key.
In any space that becomes private, more offences are likely to take place. In Parliament it was discussed that there was at least 1 rape inside a school premises each day (over 600 in a 3 year period). The data, collected by the BBC, mentions an example occurring in a private cupboard. This was in 2015, before many schools decided to change their toilet designs to fully enclosed and mixed sex. There is no available data on these new toilet designs but, teachers and pupils are reporting many problems with drug dealing, dirt and sex. The toilet door gaps are vital for safeguarding to help prevent activities that stop pupils, especially girls, going to the toilet. There are known problems of girls avoiding toilets and getting urinary infections or missing school. This legislation does not affect schools but they have been at the ‘coalface’ of new experimental toilet designs so it a good demonstration of what goes wrong.

A quick internet search brings up the disproportionate number of sexual assaults and rapes that happen to able bodied and disabled women and girls in disabled toilets in this country which are obviously mixed sex and fully enclosed toilets, often in very public places such as busy train stations and shopping centres.

More problems with toilets with enclosed full height doors are:

  • Ventilation is decreased so there’s a higher risk of disease spread.
  • Evacuation times are greatly increased as a responder can’t tell quickly if stalls are occupied.
  • Hygiene is compromised as a mop can’t go underneath the doors nor floor be washed down. It is awkward to enter the cubicle with a mop and detritus ends up on the partition corners.
  • Doors are more likely to get stuck/warped and the cubicle out of action.
  • People are more likely to engage in illegal activities (drugs) or self harm if they are in a private space.
  • The length of time in a cubicle is increased, especially if the wash basin is in there so queues are longer.
  • Occupants can’t see if anyone is lying in wait outside their cubicle if they are feeling vulnerable.

Why have toilet cubicle door gaps disappeared from the new public toilet designs?

There are many articles and videos on why we have gaps under and over toilet doors - so it is worrying these have been ignored. The initial government consultation that was publicised several years ago led to Stonewall coordinating a response and very effectively dominating the results. There is nothing wrong with this as such but the policy goals that were created from the initial consultation concentrated on mixed sex ‘universal’ toilets and privacy because of toilets being mixed sex. The concepts of mixed sex toilets have then been applied to the single sex designs without anyone joining the dots as to why the gaps are there.

Apologies for the long post but one of the reasons I am so passionate about this is I did save a young girl who had collapsed, by noticing she had because of a toilet door gap. She was in very public block of toilets and had already collapsed and was silent. I helped get her breathing properly again.

Unfortunately no politician has got back to me when I have tried to raise this, hence me raising this here. I have sent a lot of research to lots of people. No journalist has ran with it.

It’s something I hope will get into people’s minds who have any kind of influence. So I hope people won’t mind me adding this post to a thread about a very inspirational man but he made a point about getting messages out. So I am trying to do that as much as possible.

Mind the gap - it saves lives.

I have yet to find any toilet that has NO gap.

Most have an inch at the bottom at least (for air) and an inch at the top.

The most vital point is that if you're unwell and take refuge in a loo, don't lock the door. OR if you can use the one with access (disabled loo) where someone can get in or you can pull the help cord.

There's a happy medium between loos that have almost 'stable door' height and zero privacy and ones that are fully enclosed.

rewilded · 11/06/2024 11:34

What you really need to be aware of is you really need to keep loaded up with water (I see a pp mentioned this upthread).,

Again, this is misinformation. You can't keep drinking lots of water, you need salts too. That is why locals don't go off hiking with 2 litres of water.

Alwaysgothiccups · 11/06/2024 11:34

I've put yabu because we all die and that sounds like a halfway decent way to go.
Horrible for loved ones left behind.. but I'd rank dying pretty quickly on a beautiful island quite high up...
My dad dropped dead suddenly just over a year ago.. he had no sign he was ill. I had been talking to him earlier in the day. He just sat down at his desk in the evening and died. So fast he still had a glass of wine in his hand resting on the desk.. it didn't even fall or spill.
Absolutely horrific for all of us left.. I'm still in shock about it.
But actually for him it's probably one of the better ways you could die. I wish we'd got to have an extra 20 years with him.. there's so many parts of his grandkids lives he won't see.
But he doesn't know that.
It's made me more afraid of losing loved ones but less afraid of dying like that.
I'd love to die doing something I loved, like hiking. Not now obviously but when I'm relatively old.. 70 plus. I'd much prefer that to dieing slowly in a hospital or even at home of a long illness.. or even of old age. Slowly disintegrating, my personality eroding.
I read a story of an 80 yo man who had died falling off a mountain. He always climbed alone. People in the comments were saying how stupid that was but I thought it was a beautiful way to go.
Anyway I'm very sad for Michael mosley family because sudden death is so hard to deal with.. but it doesn't make me scared of dying in that way as that's the type of way I'd prefer to go. Other than dying peacefully in my sleep in my own home unaware I was ill. Falling somewhere beautiful would be my second choice.
I wouldn't let it stop you doing anything you love. Obviously be careful and be as sensible as possible.. but yes these things sometimes do happen regardless. How I view it tho in the grand scheme of things it's a lesser thing to fear for yourself.

MuseKira · 11/06/2024 11:35

GingerbicciesPlease · 11/06/2024 11:28

I have yet to find any toilet that has NO gap.

Most have an inch at the bottom at least (for air) and an inch at the top.

The most vital point is that if you're unwell and take refuge in a loo, don't lock the door. OR if you can use the one with access (disabled loo) where someone can get in or you can pull the help cord.

There's a happy medium between loos that have almost 'stable door' height and zero privacy and ones that are fully enclosed.

An inch at the bottom is pretty useless to enable someone to look to see if someone is in trouble. You'd have to squeeze your face against a, probably, manky loo floor to be able to see under!

But yes, loo doors without any opening at all, not even an inch are becoming more common. They seem to be very common at motorway service stations where there's often no gap at all, anywhere. Maybe it's just the service stations I frequently use???

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 11:36

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 11/06/2024 11:15

Maybe his wife’s on MN? She can have a read of this thread and the outpourings of judgement sympathy🙄

Edited

Maybe she is? Is it bad to say you feel sorry for someone who's suddenly and unexpectedly lost their husband on what was meant to be a lovely holiday?

Somerandomgirl · 11/06/2024 11:37

Look at it the other way..instead of closing yourself at home because youre afraid something will happen outside... we have only one life and we need to live it! We will d.no matter at home or outside alone or surrounded by people. Ask yourself which would you rather? Let your life pass you by being afraid to step outside and do anything or live and live and live and make sure youve done everything you could have possibly done! We dont live forever.... you cant 'save the time' for later. Live now. 😘

And the killer for anxiety is to do exactly what youre afraid of! Keep pushing and pushing even if its baby steps. 2 steps out the door today, 3 steps tomorrow

Oblomov24 · 11/06/2024 11:39

I can't grasp your anxiety, but that's because I've never been an anxious person. If I died tomorrow no problem, because I'm already happy with the good life I've led.

Rebusa · 11/06/2024 11:40

MaMarysBigBowl · 11/06/2024 11:36

Maybe she is? Is it bad to say you feel sorry for someone who's suddenly and unexpectedly lost their husband on what was meant to be a lovely holiday?

I think the point the poster is making is that the wife could be reading the posts “judging” her husband.

GingerbicciesPlease · 11/06/2024 11:45

MuseKira · 11/06/2024 11:35

An inch at the bottom is pretty useless to enable someone to look to see if someone is in trouble. You'd have to squeeze your face against a, probably, manky loo floor to be able to see under!

But yes, loo doors without any opening at all, not even an inch are becoming more common. They seem to be very common at motorway service stations where there's often no gap at all, anywhere. Maybe it's just the service stations I frequently use???

This is very off topic but I have found that even motorway loos do have a gap but it's only about 1cm, top and bottom - enough so no one suffocates.

TBH it's probably, statistically, more an issue at home where people lock the loo door or they fall against it and it can't be opened.

This happened to one of my parents. They fell against the bathroom door.
The only solution is to build new homes with 2-way hinges so they can be opened from the outside.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/06/2024 11:47

GingerbicciesPlease · 11/06/2024 10:56

I think, sadly, that if he was full of (misguided) optimism and exuberance (which is how he comes over on TV) he was possibly thinking 'I can do this, it's only 4 miles'.

But heatstroke is a killer and being dehydrated clouds judgement.

They'd also been on the beach before his walk back, hadn't they? Even if there were parasols it's far too hot to be out in 40 degrees heat midday. He was probably very dehydrated before he even set off.

ZebrasAreStripy · 11/06/2024 11:47

People are being really mean, imagine if his widow is reading this?? By the time he realised he was lost, he may well have been very confused by the effects of the sun etc and not been able to do anything to help himself. I expect no one would berate themselves more than him if he were still alive. He made a tragic mistake and he’s paid the ultimate price.

Calliopespa · 11/06/2024 11:54

Gettingbysomehow · 10/06/2024 18:23

I feel absolutely furious with him. Quite unreasonably as I don't know him. Why did a medical doctor think it was OK to go for a long walk in 40 degree heat at the height of the day with one very small bottle of water and no phone????
He wasn't young either. He was 67.
Sheer stupidity.
Now his wife is on her own for her whole retirement. He won't see his kids marry or have children.
Older single women as I know very well often get abandoned by their married friends after the husband has gone. It takes time but in couple of years she will be lonely.
The utter stupidity of the whole thing made me feel sick and depressed.

It’s interesting you say this as extreme sports give me a similar kind of anger response.

So many people regard them as somehow “ cv enhancing” and I just can’t get my mind round what seems to me self -indulgent stupidity. So your mum birthed you, tended to you lovingly for years, your parents probably made financial sacrifices for you, not to mention the love and, inevitably, strain that goes into bringing a child safely to adulthood and you now want me to think highly of you because you want to hang yourself from a rope descending down the side of an ice-sheeted mountain, which you think is all the more admirable ( and so you tell me with breathless expectancy) because so many people die doing it ( or require rescue workers to put themselves in danger rescuing you). All to achieve what? Bragging rights?

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