To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Also appalled by some of the responses on this thread! Sorry OP, it’s utterly unfair and thanks for highlighting it because if I do get any election candidates come knocking then I’ll be asking them about CMS reform.

Of course your DS’ dad should be paying half his nursery fees and then some given his salary. Are posters really happy with the taxpayer subsidising childcare etc for a child with parents who have combined income of £126k????

Also £1700 per month for full time nursery is not at all uncommon and no you shouldn’t “cut your cloth” by reducing your hours with the inevitable career and pension hit. That would be putting yourself and your DS in a more vulnerable position long term. As another pp said it’s pretty obviously not a good time to move nursery (even if possible) given your DS’ s dad has just disappeared out of his life and stability is really important.

Good luck OP. Hope things improve.

Yep a person (male or female) can simply walk away from their child and leave them with the other parent. Some scam the system to pay as little CMS as possible, most pay the legal amount and some more wealthy might pay more. But when you split up you then both have mortgage/rent and bills to pay separately instead of jointly when married which puts both people in a more difficult financial position. Men are also more likely to then go off and have more children which they then have to provide for which lowers the CMS for their other children. It’s shit really, you would think most would want to provide for their child but my time on mumsnet has proven that to not be case a lot of the time.

Once he realises how much he will have to pay he will up his pension to max contributions then will pay even less cms. My ex was on 65k upped everything he could,salary sacrifice the lot and had to pay only £62pw in maintenance.

God these answers. You can spot the 'I only got 50p for 15 years' folk a mile off. Or second wife syndrome.

Whether the OP earns £14k a year or £140k, no one has yet explained why the father shouldn't pay 50% of ALL costs, including nursery fees. Come on, have a bash.

But it also means HE can go to work too…?

100% agree with you @whatnowws

And even if you just need to vent before getting down to action, vent away! Men get off lightly and for what it’s worth, I don’t think he is paying enough. Childcare costs should be split proportionate to incomes…roughly 1/3 you and 2/3 ex in this situation.

Neither you nor the taxpayer should be subsidising rich parents who walk out on their families.

£40k a year salary as a single parent is not loads.

Of all the stupid, ridiculous statements you can find on mumsnet, you definitely take the biscuit!

Where do you live that working full time is a lifestyle choice and not a necessity? For example, majority of places in UK £730 is now half the rent/mortgage, not half the household running cost.

Lots of the first hour of comments have missed the point. Just because loads of NRPs men pay really really low amounts, doesn't mean paying closer to half is somehow awesome. It's the bare minimum.

A nice way to look at it op is that your nursery years are your biggest costs. Once he's at school, he same contribution will cover more than half so it will even out in the end.

I sometimes can’t believe what I read on here

Let's live in the real world , how do you agree what 50 percent of a child's cost is?

This is where 50/50 should be the default than it's an even split.

The NRP also will have a house to run. Unfortunately changes have to be made.

He most definitely walked out on the DS too - not seeing him and not even covering half the nursery costs (absolutely neccessary for OP to support herself and DS with COL). Let alone half of everything a child NEEDS (I won't even go into wants).

You seem to have walked away on sanity.

@CharliesAngels81 Nursery costs 50%, then probably more on top for day to day costs for RP as they have the child more. The NRP has chosen to leave. Yes break ups happen and marriages break down but no one would have children if based on that.

Why has no one suggested the father give up work or reduce their hours to help with childcare? Funny that.

Might help to think of it as him wildly underpaying now but when your child is out of nursery you'll be quids in long term. In the meantime make sure you claim the child benefit.

Nah, you definitely sound bitter and jealous.

i think in this situation it would be fair if the father agreed to pay half the childcare costs. That said, we are talking about whether the state should force him to. I have to say no - it just doesn’t work like that because the NRP will not be able to afford to pay half in many cases. Also different costs of childcare are available to the RP - it’s too complicated to base it on half the actual costs. In ops case she could get cheaper childcare and it will be temporary and she will soon be eligible for free hours.

The state assesses cms by a set amount based on ability to pay. I think that’s the least worse system. Id like to see them actually enforce it and make sure it’s paid and transfer assets etc if needed. But I don’t think a system of half the actual costs of everyone administered by the state is feasible.

no, not bitter and not jealous, I would not want to swap places with the OP, who would want to be someone who is never going to be happy or satisfied? I would much rather be me, and enjoy life even if I have comparatively much less.

I only got £200 for 4 kids because he cut his hours to look after his new girlfriends kids (and he claimed financial responsibility for them so paid even less).

I still think your ex is a deadbeat prick who should be paying half the costs.

The system is totally unfair and favours the NRP massively.

Not a lot you can do about it op, but it's shit.

It’s always tough paying for nursery on a single salary. I’d have a look and see if you qualify for any universal credit to help with nursery fees.

If you were married then you could have achieved this. I got full CMs plus half the childcare , plus half of school uniform , extra curriculum stuff clubs, trips, phoens now they are older etc and still do 6 years later.

it is totally doable, in a divorce.

have you spoken to a solicitor? They might be able to help if you have any financial ties to cut?

“Stonking rich”. Again. What are some of you ON today?!

OP, I’m sorry that the system is shit and I’m sorry that you’ve had some absolutely insane, frankly misogynistic comments on here.

Ideally you’d both work out your income/expenditure and come to a private arrangement via mediation. Ideally. Sounds like that’s not likely at the moment.

It really is shit and I can imagine the shock you felt when you saw the CMS amount. A lot of good fathers pay way over the CMS minimum amount.

OP, I get your point and entirely agree. Perhaps if men were held to account, and being a dead beat dad became socially unacceptable things would be fairer.

The situation punishes you and your child.

Society should not accept the current state of affairs. There needs to be a huge shift in focus and expectation placed on fathers who happily walk away and leave their own children to grow up in poverty

You're right OP
It's an unfair system. In the case of no contact/overnights NRP should have to pay 50% childcare costs of top of CMS.
Those saying OP should go part time, why should she have to lower her pension contributions and reduce her chances of furthering her career? And then everyone would call her a single parent benefit scrounger claiming UC top ups. Women cannot win in a patriarchal society.

Mumsnet is so weird about this subject.

The argument that 'well others cope with less' is a shit argument and similar to teens who do all sorts of shit because their mates do worse, or husbands who do fuck all because 'at least they're not down the pub all the time like a lot of men'. It is irrelevant, if the behaviour is fundamentally wrong.

And paying less than 10% of your gross pay for your child, when the other parent is then forced to pay (say £1.2k a month of 40k gross salary = circa) 35% on childcare costs alone because she has 'made a lifestyle choice to work' is fundamentally unfair.

No the OP should not be grateful that she is getting such a small proportional contribution from the child's other parent, which will leave her struggling due to the uk's extortionate childcare costs while he will actually financially gain from splitting up. She should be fucking furious that the systems allows this, and in fact that the system is so fucked up (not taking assets or inherited wealth into account, allowing self employed earnings to go under thr radar etc) that a lot of people actually think this is a 'good deal'