Would you tell him the truth?

[yuniper]

Ex and I had acrimonious spilt. He cheated, he’s since left me to do everything for our 1 year old while he carries on with his career. I had a good career too but it’s stuck in the mud for the foreseeable while I juggle it all alone. Yes, I am resentful…

He’s come up with a random figure of 1,100 a month to pay me which he says should ‘shut me up about money and will cover half the costs by his estimation.’ I recently complained about nursery cost hence his comment about shutting me up.

he made the first payment last week. He does earn well (something over 70k, I don’t know exactly). But he thinks 1,100 is half the cost. It isn’t. Nursery is 990 so it still leave 110 for other things on top. Would you tell him? I don’t want to as I hate his guts and what he’s done to me but I also feel guilty not telling him half is more like 600. What would you do?

What would CMS award and is it more than that?

Sounds like it covers half the nursery cost plus other everyday living costs - food, clothes, activities etc.

Personally I wouldn't say anything. If that's the amount he's come to and happy to give you I'd leave it at that (assuming you are happy with that amount).

You could look at the online CSA calculator to see what he should be paying if you are unsure and wanted to check.

I wouldn’t personally. Children come with a lot of costs. Keep the extra money aside for dc savings

@SneezedToothOut cms came out around 700 which I think is a joke anyway given how much he is paid!

@BlueMum16 its covering all nursery and 90% of other costs

Take the £1100 then.

Employ a lawyer.

You're doing all the hard work. He has zero responsibilities, gets to just walk away and throw 1k a month at someone raising his CHILD. Take the money.

@PTSDBarbiegirl for what? We weren’t married

What for?

I wouldnt say anything. If you wernt there to provide childcare for him when your child isnt in nursery, he would be paying a lot more for someone to look after your child.

Dont say anything and enjoy it while its there

He's chosen that amount so take it

Take the money. It might cover nursery and 90% of the costs right now but your child is going to get more expensive as they get older.

I wouldn't tell him. I bet he wouldn't increase it, if you told him it was more, would he?

No it sounds reasonable to me. There are lots of other costs involved in raising a child . If you add it all up food, clothes etc it probably is half.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat this is exactly what I said to my best friend but she said the reality is I would be making money out of him after nursery finishes?!?

I'm sure you are underestimating. What about housing costs, utilities, outings, birthday presents, etc...

No, I would accept the money, acknowledge that he’s being generous and use it for the things that you need.

The cost of raising a child as a single parent isn’t just half of nursery, nappies, clothes, food etc.

Its also maintaining a suitable home, compromising on your career, paying a babysitter if you want to go out, limiting your choices etc. It costs lots more than he’s giving you!

So you and your child are protected with a legal minute of agreement for your child’s upbringing…. Is he legally your child’s father? As in on the birth certificate, if so your child has rights as you have obligations as parents. Married or not.

Because you won't be. It will be money to compensate you for the hit your career takes, for having to house, feed, clothe, educate, entertain your child and to pay for any wrap around childcare you will need after your child goes to school.
Honestly, nursery isn't the half of it, especially when they get older.

@PaminaMozart well she is 14 months so I hadn’t factored in birthday presents etc. That’s a good point.

utilities again I hadn’t thought about too much especially as it’s summer and heating hasn’t even been on, but it’s true these things should be considered. Thanks

Some of the cost is to provide a home for your DC too!

Put surplus into an account for your DC that you can draw on for them if necessary in the future

No, wouldn’t say a word. Keep it to yourself too.

For now maybe. 110 a month isnt going to 90% of costs forever.

Shoes are likely to be 40 a pair DC may need a new pair every 8-12 weeks for a while as feet grow. New clothes as season changes, winter coats x 2 (nursery and home), etc etc.

Kids can cost a lost. Take it. Save it. There may come a time you have to fight the ex for cash.

Plus Ex sounds like a higher earner. It's probably a quarter of his take home pay so not massive in the scheme of things.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat i agree, thanks. I already feel my career is stalling massively