To not want to socialise with my work colleagues?

[nobeans]

I work part time so I don't earn as much as them yet they seem to forget this and complain when I kept turning them down for after work socialising. I just want to get home and see my family. The latest complaint is that I won't go to the pub to watch football with them - it's the euros I think? . 1. I don't drink and 2. I find football dull. My husband says I should make an effort and go once for every twice I say no as it's team building. I just don't see the point. I go out with people I am friends with. Aibu?

I think if you don't feel comfortable then don't go. It's entirely up to you what you do with your free time.

Fuck em and fuck "team building". That shit can be done in work time, not in your free time.

If they dont like it, tough titties for your fake team "mates".

YANBU, I never do

You aren’t being unreasonable at all, you want to get home to your family and home.

I always find work events a bit of a conflict of interest anyway so tend to stay away.

Don’t feel pressured, it’s entirely your choice what you do with your free time.

If you are not up for it then don't do it.

I never go out with work colleagues and they all know. I see them all day and don’t want to spend my free time with them too 🤣

YANBU

Do you think there's a nice way I can say look stop nagging me?

Really do what you want you spend quite enough time with them already! I am the same

It's nice they invite you.

But you should never be coerced or expected or pressured to attend.

Just say thanks for the invite and hope they have a lovely time.

Yeah it's nice to be asked I guess but it's the pressure and oh come on oh you never come out. It's just tiresome.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/5075628-please-please-can-you-make-the-op-unquotable?reply=135280666

Why have you posted this?

Because the 1st poster quoted your OP

I am going to go slightly against the grain here: I don’t think you should feel obliged to go out every time and I also dislike “team building” pressure.

But I also think once in a while making the gesture of showing people you value them enough to spend a bit of social time with them is worth its weight in gold.

Fuck the euros I can’t be arsed with football but it would cost you nothing to just once spend an hour with them after work.

I don’t think people should ever have to socialise with colleagues but I also think the extreme position of regarding it as an imposition, which is very fashionable at the moment, is a bit OTT.

I would never socialise with my current colleagues. I don't have anything in common with them and I don't trust them...so I would never be relaxed around them.

I also have a life outside work and I like to choose the people I want to spend time with socially :).

In previous jobs, I had better colleagues and occasionally did join in for drinks after work, lunches and similar.

You should never be pressured to join in and they should be respecting your choices.

Ah. This is one of the hardest lessons I learned. I'm ex military. I made the mistake of turning down the pub (as a non-drinker). I became an outsider because I missed out on all the bonding. Now I see why it is so important. I wish I could turn the clock back. You don't have to drink, you don't have to stay late every time (but don't always be the first to leave) but if it's that kind of job you really need to turn up. It's an unwritten and very important part of the job ESPECIALLY if you are part time.

I think your husband has a point, that going occasionally would be good.

I wouldn't expect you to go to the pub to watch football - especially as you aren't interested - but the odd meal or quick drink sounds like a nice thing to do.

I see thanks for explaining :)

One of them is a dick so I don't value him tbh and would rather not spend a minute more with him than I have to. But yeah fair point about the others. Do you think they'd leave me alone if I asked for tap water?

Yeah that's why I'm thinking maybe DH has a point

Absolutely this. Work time is for 'team building', home time is for your actual life.

Go out for a coffee break or lunch instead during work day? You get to bond and you have a time limit

I think it depends on your job and career aspirations. Interacting with colleagues socially means I build positive relationships with people across the company. Which helps me in my job and gets me noticed. It does help I like most of my colleagues!

If I was your colleague I’d rather you kept turning me down

Roll on 12 months and you're posting about how you don't have any friends and you're isolated and there's nobody to support you.
Because all you ever wanted to do is get home to your family.

Just go for a drink. They're just people, they might actually be, you know, alright.