To not want to socialise with my work colleagues?

[nobeans]

I work part time so I don't earn as much as them yet they seem to forget this and complain when I kept turning them down for after work socialising. I just want to get home and see my family. The latest complaint is that I won't go to the pub to watch football with them - it's the euros I think? . 1. I don't drink and 2. I find football dull. My husband says I should make an effort and go once for every twice I say no as it's team building. I just don't see the point. I go out with people I am friends with. Aibu?

This is a tough one for me. I don't think anyone should feel pressured to go to every single one, but you I do think going to the odd one here or there is actually really great for you relationships with your colleagues. And you do have to work with them multiple times a week.

I work somewhere now, where I get on with everyone and genuinely like them, but we are never gonna be friends, I go to a good chunk of the drinks/events and I feel it really does help build relationships. I also don't drink alcohol. Maybe if you went to a couple a year? It would stop them nagging you and you might enjoy.

YANBU. This is why I am so glad to be self employed for the past 10 years. No office parties, no socialising with work colleagues - 90% who I dislike - and no spending money on shit I don't want, when I could spend it on my family, and my hobbies and interests.

Don't know whether it's me being an old gimmer now, but I have such LOW tolerance for people now. I just CBA to speak to most people, and dislike socialising. I CBA to even speak to most neighbours. In any given group setting, there is always someone who is obnoxious, loud, and rude.

I am pleasant and courteous to public service and retail staff, and I love my close family (DH and DC,) and 2 very close friends, but everyone else can fuck off frankly. I just CBA to speak to most people. I have very little family - parents and parents-in-law died some years ago, and both DH and me have no close family in this country. So no annoying extended family. Just me and DH, and our adult DC and their partners. (And, as I said, my 2 best friends.) Small circle but top quality.

Quality is better than quantity.

I don’t socialise with colleagues, hangover from having to dash off to sort out horse/dogs and because I just don’t want to. I find it fake, I don’t want to sit talking about work. To knock it on the head, you give them the dc as an excuse ‘must dash, Layla has a thing at 6’ or be quite blunt and tell them you don’t socialise. I do that and if I’m asked about attending something, I just laugh disbelievingly and remind them ‘I don’t socialise’.

I hate the push to make friends with work colleagues. I'm there to earn money not to make new friends. Yanbu.

One of my good friends once said ‘I don’t have enough time to see the people I do want to see let alone the ones I don’t’.
It fits nicely here I expect!
I find ‘I’m busy’ for stuff I really don’t want to do!

It's not just social events with him that you should be avoiding.

Bingo!

Such a typical MN response. Do you have a cap on the number of friends you want to make? Have you always lived where you grew up and went to school?

Did you not move away from your home town to go to university/work?

DD lives over 100 miles away in the city where she went to university. She is friends with her workmates. She doesn't want to live a solitary life.

And that's up to her isn't it. What's that got to do with me?
FYI - yes I went to uni over 100 miles away and lived there for 3 years. Yes I made friends who I still see seven years later.
I also worked abroad for two summers and made friends who I still keep in contact with too.
My point wasn't ''dont have work friends'' my point was the push and pressure to socialise outside of work is annoying, not everyone wants to do it! I spend ten hours a week with my son roughly excluding weekends as by the time I'm back from work he's in bed 2 hours later. We spend too much time working as it is, I have no interest sitting in a pub with Barbara from HR who is twice my age who I share NOTHING in common with.
Hope that helps.

Many of my friends are ex colleagues. I go out when I enjoy their company, not because it's expected of me. Where I currently work it's a two hour commute home and I'm often just knackered by the end of the day. Plus, I have nothing in common with any of them, although they're nice enough. Go if you can see any of them becoming friends, don't go if not. It's your free time.

I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to socialise with my colleagues either.

I worked in a call centre many years ago. The job itself sucked, but I am still friends with some of the people I met there. I was hassled to go on team-building exercises by my supervisor, and told him that I would consider it work and would expect to be paid - otherwise I would choose when and where I socialise, thanks. He then organized a paintball day out annd I emailed back stating that I wasn’t interested. A few days later he asked me to pay “my share”. I told him that I had never agreed to go to this event and wouldn’t be paying. He then tried to guilt me because he had “factored me in” when working out each individual’s contribution. He kept coming at me saying “Well now everyone’s going to have to pay more because of you…” and I suggested to him that maybe it should come out of his own pocket as he earned more and had nominated my personal time and money without my permission. It ended up going to HR and he was most surprised to discover that I had emailed HR the chain of emails and he was told to pay it himself. Idiot.