Would you sack nanny over this?

[YourMerryBrickRobin]

AHave name changed as potentially outing.

Nanny has been with us for 6 years, since our joint biological eldest turned 1 (DH has two kids aged 18 and 14, eldest lives with us full time youngest visits in school holidays)

We have never really had any problems although we will admit a boundary has been slightly pushed lately but we let it go- her long term boyfriend was left homeless, so we agree he could TEMPORARILY move on but would be in the caravan outdoors as he wasn’t DBS checked and didn’t want him staying in the house. He seems a nice enough guy and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t harm my children and appreciate a DBS doesn’t stop that, but it was a boundary we put in place.

He started coming into the house around the DC while we weren’t there. Got a bit more annoyed, but chose not to rock the boat as Nanny is a diamond

Anyway today- she left our youngest (9 months) in the care of her boyfriend while she went and collected DS from nursery, which is literally a 5 minute walk away. Reason being- we had DDs car seat in our car. She didn’t attempt to contact either me or DH (we are both self employed and always within 10-15 miles of home) despite noticing this morning when she was going to take her to the park (DH dropped DS off, we have 2 same stage car seats hence why it wasn’t an issue with DS this morning)

Im pissed off if I’m honest. Like I said, nice enough guy but don’t know him well enough to look after my child even if it was for under 10 minutes

AIBU?

@Bollindger I get that you were an amazing nanny and the family wanted you back and that because you do your job properly and take safeguarding seriously you had spidey senses about that man. I bet you never left any children with a stranger which is what the OPs nanny did.

By all means they should talk with her in a sensitive way rather than sending that text message but on the basis of OPs post their nanny cannot be compared to you.

I know. A professional is someone who is paid.

You actually don't need qualifications to know you should not leave a child you are paid to look after with your boyfriend. You just need sense and good judgement. You still should not be looking after children if you have such a lack of judgement. I'm sorry, but its her job to keep children safe and failing at this level means she should not be working with children.

So your nanny usually picks DS up in the car when it's a 5 minutes walk? That's odd to start with. Much healthier to walk - not as if she's on her way back from work. If she's really great otherwise I wouldn't sack her. But I would give a formal warning and reiterate her boyfriend is not to be in the house. Have you got a date for him to move out of yours? If not set it now.

And her.

And yes she could easily have taken the baby and walked so she sounds lazy too. Not that that matters when she also actively endangered your children (as did you by letting the boyfriend move in).

All of us are guilty of leaving a child with someone we know, for a few mins, another parent , a friend, even a professional.
Even the Nanny confessed straight away to the parents what she had done? Which is the only reason they knew.
A lapse of judgement the Nanny instantly regretted.
This does not mean it will ever happen again, the hysteria of not ALLOWED to work with children ever again is shock....
What about when the Nanny becomes a mum, should her child be taken away by social services?

@Justonemoresleep A professional is not someone who is paid. It is someone who has professional training and where there is a regulatory body.

I can see how this happens though. Baby is crying as she is trying to get the baby dressed to go out. Nanny is stressing about being late. Boyfriend says just leave baby I will watch the baby. And if you are right about grooming, the boyfriend could have said to the nanny many times just to leave the baby and he will keep an eye. It is called grooming for a reason. Boyfriend needs to be removed from the equation altogether.

OP could just sack nanny as you suggested. But finding a good nanny is very hard and the children will already have a loving relationship with the nanny. So personally I would keep the nanny but say he has to move out, and she will be sacked if she ever leaves DCs alone with anyone. I would also install a ring doorbell so I can just check for my own peace of mind.

Princess my point is if this Nanny has been there 6 years, she must be a brilliant Nanny.
She was trussed with a new born, the greatest trust any parent can give is to leave a baby.
That is why in this instant and only this one, I think OP may have to think twice about how to replace someone like this.

Because there is no promise the replacement will be better.

There is nothing from OP to say the nanny regarded this as a lapse of judgement she regretted. We know the nanny was letting the boyfriend into the house, expressly against the wishes of the parents, and without letting the parents know he was doing so. If the boyfriend was coming into the house he may have quite regularly been alone with the baby whilst the nanny was in another part of the house, doing something else. We don't know.

Nanny was bringing an older child back without having the baby with her which means the older child may have told the mother herself, meaning the nanny chose to tell the mother first. Or maybe nanny didn't think there was anything wrong with this and mentioned it in passing. OPs posts don't make clear the context in which nanny told her.

And frankly, from some (many) of the posts on this thread, I don't think some basic safeguarding lessons would go amiss as part of ante or post natal education for parents.

I hate to tell you this but there are things called nurseries, schools and pretty soon sleepovers.

Nurseries and schools are highly supervised environments with well developed and regulated child protection and safeguarding practices and procedures. Absolutely not comparable to the situation in this thread.

Parents will have to make their own judgement on sleepovers, and in which situations and circumstances they feel this is safe. In this case, the nanny had done something which the parents had expressly said was not allowed as the nanny was told the boyfriend was not allowed in the house at all, but had been coming in without their knowledge.

Assuming this is a DBS checked Nanny with formal training, I would sack her, once I had taken legal advice. You expressly forbade the boyfriend from being in the house. Not only did she ignore that instruction, she left a baby alone with him. What other signs are you waiting for? It does not matter that she has been fantastic for 6 years. If that boyfriend abused your baby, would the 6 fantastic years you had with your nanny comfort you? DBS isn't perfect, but it is there for a reason.

@Floatingvoternolandinsight You can sack her for leaving the baby with the boyfriend. You can not sack her for letting the boyfriend in the house. OP knew this was happening and did nothing.

Yes, I suspect she only told OP because her older DC would likely comment on the fact that baby was not with nanny when she came to collect her at school and that BF was looking after baby when they got home; or another mother may have commented at the school gate, wondering where baby was; or 18yo DSC came home and noticed what had happened.

I think it’s really hard to find a decent nanny. However you have let yourself be taken advantage of. If you like/trust them get him dbs checked. I would be having a conversation about boundaries. I would be horrified she left her with him and she should have contacted you.

That's the ground on which I would sack her - leaving her with the boyfriend. Th ebroken trust was insult to injury.

Can I ask, how old people's children are?
I think as our children ages we relax whom we leave our children with.
OP has older children, I bet the older ones have babysat even if only for 10mins with friends around.
That they snook in a partner as a youngster, before checks were around.
Yes the Nanny was wrong.
But this hysteria being expressed if anyone so much as glances a childs way is what will effect parents mental health.

@Bollindger

But this hysteria being expressed if anyone so much as glances a childs way is what will effect parents mental health

The hyperbolic way you lie about what people are saying, really undermines your arguments.

I’m a nanny and I 💯 think sack her. Doesn't mater how good she is. She is not behaving responsibly.

OP I won't waste my breath being the zillionth poster to say you shouldn't have let him move into your caravan, because it's obvious and I'm sure you are well aware of that and thats not why you posted!

I can see how tricky it is when you've known and trusted someone for 6 years; thinking of the potential impact on your children should you choose to dismiss her etc. That said, I think the trust is gone. When it comes to your children you simply can't take a chance that everything works out OK. I wouldn't be able to settle wondering what she was or wasn't doing, so I'd have to let her go.

Think you are being deliberately obtuse - it doesn’t matter that we may all as parents made the decision to leave a child with a stranger for a few minutes, or that we’ve asked our older children to watch them with a friend… the point is that that was OUR choice as a parent (I’ve personally NOT done this, including sleepovers until my children were 8+ because I was molested as a child and was naturally a bit over-protective with my own kids).

The nanny was contractually, professionally and morally responsible for the sole care of the baby and knowingly ignored the parent’s directions a) to not allow this man in their home and b) to leave their baby with him - unsupervised.

Why is that any of your business and how does it relate to the OP’s thread? You are bordering on bullying and harassment now.

@Bollindger it is a blessing you are no longer a nanny. You simply refuse to understand safeguarding or boundaries and are now just arguing pointlessly.

First rule of safeguarding - not everyone who is a paedophile acts 'funnily' towards children. Sheesh.

@Bollindger are you the nanny?

Normally I would be very much on the warning side of this debate and urge you to give her another chance.

Unfortunately I had a very similar situation where my brilliant nanny got into a relationship with a very charming guy. At this point we were at the stage where she was picking up from school only and she had another job working as a TA at their school--perfect arrangement I thought.

Something happened which rang alarm bells for me, and I put strict boundaries in place about her not seeing him when the children were around, him not being there at pickup etc. mentioned to a friend at work about this and she recognised his name from her safeguarding work. I raced straight to school that day to pick them up instead of her and I caught her taking the children to his house after school instead of home. She was very naive and didn't realise what was going on but it made me ultra cautious about this kind of situation. Predators do try and connect with people who work with children. It's awful to lose a good nanny but worse to take a risk.