MIL took a photo of my child with a stranger

[Cookiemonster81]

We were out with my in-laws last weekend. Stopped for some food in a small grassy area and as we were finishing up another family came and sat by us. The mother gave her children some little bubble machines to play with and my toddler got very excited so started playing with the children (with the families consent). At one point my DS went and just sat on the lap of the mother - I think she had her phone in her hand and he hasn't grasped that you can't just look at everyone's phones yet.
She was really lovely about it and entertained him for a minute, before I decided that as we had finished we would leave because I didn't want my child disturbing this family for ages.

Then later that night I get a couple of photos sent over from my MIL of my son sitting on this woman's lap. It might sound silly but I instantly burst into tears because my self esteem is at an all time low and I don't have a single photo of me and my child that I like, yet here he looked so happy with this total stranger, it was a nice picture. If it was me and my child I would have been really happy. MIL has never sent a photo of me playing with my son.

A week on and I still feel gutted. It's really got me down. I don't know if she did it on purpose, I doubt it really, but why the fuck would you take a photo of a total stranger that we spent about 5 minutes with and further, why the fuck do you think I'd want it. What are you expecting me to do with that photo. I was there, stood chatting with the woman, I saw it.

AIBU to be so bothered by this, given that MIL knows how I feel about things at the moment or do I just need to stop sulking and forget it.

I wouldn't be happy about this, your feelings are completely valid!

Couldn't get worked up about this tbh

Umm this is the nonnest of non issues.

Your issues of self esteem don't get to dictate other peoples actions. Many many people would like to be sent a photo of their child enjoying themselves.

It’s just a memento of a nice day out, with someone being kind to your child, nothing more, nothing less.

I’m sorry you’re feeling low. But your MIL hasn’t done anything wrong. She saw a nice moment. She snapped it. It came out well. So she thought you’d like to see it. Please don’t overthink it!

Well, you feel what you feel, but it sounds like it was just a sweet interaction and your MIL sent the photo of a reminder of a happy day. It's exhausting having a toddler though and sometimes things can touch a nerve.

why the fuck do you think I'd want it. What are you expecting me to do with that photo. I was there, stood chatting with the woman, I saw it.

Presumably she thought it was a nice pic of your child. You say yourself he looked happy in the picture.

If you don’t think she did it on purpose then maybe she sent it because she thought you’d like it. Sounds like your DS was having fun and interacting with a nice person and maybe she though it was a nice photo.

If it's a nice picture of your child then I'd just crop it and save it. I'm sure your MIL is simply thinking that your little one looks nice in the photo and has sent it on.

Not everything has to be about you and your feelings but appreciate it's hard when you aren't feeling the best about yourself.

I really don't see that she has done this to hurt you unless there is a huge backstory.

You're overthinking it. It's just a nice picture of your son. It isn't taking away from the fact that you're his mummy, this lady is a stranger and he loves you the absolute most out of everyone in the world!

Your MIL took a photo of a moment in time - a happy unexpected moment of fun with your toddler happy and being confident. This was probably joyous for your MIL to watch a d she was being proud grandma.

I think your low self esteem is really impacting your view on this. How are other things in life going? I hope you are OK, but if not do get help and support

Are you certain that she has done it to annoy/upset you? If not, it might be a bit thoughtless, but I’d let it go- and get your DH to take some photos of you.

Your mum was taking a photo of her grandchild during a day out. I doubt she gave a second thought to the woman.

That's really over sensitive of you but if it's an issue foe you why don't you ask her to take some photos of you and your child together?

Bursting into tears over an innocent photo is very extreme so there must be other things going on that need addressing otherwise it's going to have an impact on your child and your relationship with your family.

It's not a non issue and your feelings are valid. However your MIL clearly thought she was being kind in sending you photos of DS, and it's lovely she wants to capture happy moments.

I would really suggest sharing with your MIL how you feel, thanking her for the photos and letting her know that you'd love some photos of you and DS when the situation allows. Communication can solve all, OP, and I'm sure she'd be mortified to know she'd upset you!

You say he looks really happy in the photo? I’d assume she’s shared it because it’s a great one of him!

It’s a shame it’s so upsetting to you but I’d try not to extrapolate blame from that and plonk it on your MIL.

There's an opportunity here to say 'that's a lovely photo, if you see a nice shot of me and DS together please could you capture one, I get lots of photos of him with other people but few of us together'. Otherwise you end up 20 years down the line with selfies of you and the kids and nice photos of them with everyone else like I have! DH is lovely but useless at getting a nice photo without being instructed.

Oh here we go another MIL bashing thread, not had one for about 10 minutes. I am not even a MIL and I feel sorry for anyone who is one after reading threads on here

She took a photo of your son. Your interpretation of that photo is your own issue, not hers

Could it be because you and your child is an everyday occurrence so it hasn’t crossed her mind whilst your toddler sitting on a strangers lap was quite amusing so she took a snap rather than ill intent?

Im a single mum and have probably less than a dozen photos with my now adult daughter because I had no one to take photos so I do get it.

I'm sorry but this would not bother me unless I had something going on inside my mind that was affecting my perspective.

Good on you for posting and sharing - I think this is what this website can help with. But my opinion is to not restrict your child's experiences because of how you feel. And if you know your self esteem is low, now's the time to start working on it.

Wishing you well xx

Sorry you're feeling so low OP. Mil didn't do anything unreasonable here. It's just part of letting our kids go out into the world in a tiny way. Mil was there, baby was looked after. You should just tell Mil to take your photo with Babs next time she's with you!

I have to agree with you. Bloody hell some of these poor MILs can’t do anything right.

She took a photo of your child, she’s got to be some mastermind psychopath to think ‘I know, I’ll send this photo to DIL to make her jealous of a random woman siting with her DS’

No one likes photos of themselves, and the other mum probably thinks it’s an awful one of her.

someone told me recently I’m photogenic. I’m not, (overweight , post menopausal, middle aged) she obviously thought so.

Fair enough. I can see this is clearly my issue. To be fair, I hadn't expected to be quite so hurt by seeing a photo of my son be so happy with someone else. It didn't bother me in the moment, nor does it any of the other times he's happy with other people. I think it was literally just the photo of it that stung. Envy I guess.

Your MIL probably thought it was a photo of a funny moment - going up and sitting on a stranger’s lap is pretty adorable toddler behaviour and one day when they’ve grown out of it you’ll look back at this as a sweet memory. It’s not that she wanted a photo of a stranger, it’s that she wants to remember how happy and confident and open your child was at this age.

I don't have a single photo of me and my child that I like, yet here he looked so happy with this total stranger, it was a nice picture. If it was me and my child I would have been really happy. MIL has never sent a photo of me playing with my son.

This is the real problem. You wouldn’t have thought twice about this picture if you had loads of lovely pictures of you and your child. It’s common for mums to be the photo takers and never end up in pictures. Absolutely nothing wrong with saying to your partner and/or your MIL that you’d love some candid photos of you and DC having a good time, and could they try to take a few when you’re out? Certainly for me it goes against my instincts to ASK anyone to take my picture, but when I realised I had thousands of lovely photos of DH playing with the kids and none of me I said this to him, he immediately apologised and said he just thought I didn’t like being photographed so he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable! Now he takes photos a lot more.