To think that parents shouldn’t force their children to follow their dietary preferences?

[TVD2103]

I’ll start by saying that I am a vegetarian, I haven’t eaten meat for years. I have a child who likes meat, therefore I always buy them the snacks and meals that they enjoy, I don’t restrict their eating at all just because I choose not to eat it.

I follow someone on social media, for recipe inspirations, they have a child younger than mine (I would say maybe 6 or 7?) and they mainly eat raw vegan food. They also have a toddler and they make both the children eat the same as them, I know this because they post what their children eat everyday. They’ve just posted a lunch for their child from the other day and it hardly had anything on it! It was literally like a couple of small tomatoes, salad leaves and humus and that’s supposed to be one of the main meals that fills a child up? They are quite restricted in their eating and are also passing this onto their child, I’ve noticed that a lot of vegan families on social media are also like this and it just feels quite extreme, especially when the children are too young to understand the choice of lifestyle and why they have to eat a certain way.

AIBU for thinking that your child should have a diet of everything including meat, regardless of your own dietary preferences, until they are at an age where they can choose for themselves?!

The OP’s premise is entirely reasonable I think. You offer a wide range of foods, so children can make decisions about their preferences, according to likes, dislikes and opinions.

Of course, that’s tempered by the need to ensure good nutrition, cost and the need to avoid cooking too many different meals at the same time, plus avoiding highly processed foods.

It’s not a competition between vegetarians/ vegans and meat and fish eaters.

Apparently veganism can also be linked to increased levels of pedantry and bragging too.

I turned vegetarian when I was 10 and I wish that my parents had never given me meat, it makes me feel ill thinking about it. I will explain to my daughter what it is when she is old enough but in the mean time I will not be cooking her meat without her comprehending the process.

Some countries are starting to advise parents against giving their children vegan diets - this article is looking at it for here.
https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/why-children-shouldnt-go-vegan/
Vegan and processed food in the diet are 2 different things.
Both my children eat a wide variety of food and we very much focus on the quality and origin of food being the important thing.

Do you feed her fish and dairy products? If you are a vegetarian for ethical reasons may I suggest you look into the fishing industry.

WTF?
It's not pedantry to challenge your demonstrably incorrect statement.

Well I gueaa all children are dictated bu what their parents eat and prepare

I agree they should have a balanced diet. though. I was a vegetarian until I had children and was concerned about the lack of B12 etc so I gave them meat

DH grew up as a vegetarian and I grew up eating meat. As adults we've weirdly switched. I'll often cook the same meal at home but one meat and one vegetarian version of it. For example we had pasta last night, one tuna version and one mushroom version.

Our kids eat meat although I think the youngest will actually become vegetarian as he much prefers no meat on his plate. We give the kids both options and it's up to them what they eat. The eldest (5) will often ask why I'm not eating such and such and I give an honest view. However I do say it's entirely her choice to what she eats. She is very interested in plant milk at the moment and often steals that for her cereal over cow's milk.

We live almost on the doorstep of a dairy farm. You can smell it and see the cows in their barns. We have spoken a lot about it at home because DD has a classmate whose family own the farm. Although the cows look very well looked after, the practices don't sit right with me and I'm currently limiting what dairy I eat at the moment with the aim to eradicate it at some point.

I think we all do that don’t we? Pass on our food preferences? My preference is to eat an omnivorous diet, to cook from scratch most days, to eat from a wide variety of world cuisines. I’ve passed that on to my kids. You could say I forced it on them as that’s all they were offered, they had no choice. That’s how we are as a family when they were small.

Some people “force” a diet of processed food in their kids by serving processed food to them every day. Does that worry you too op?

I agree with the nutrition side of things, even as a vegetarian adult, it’s incredibly difficult to keep my vitamin and iron levels normal - let alone a child’s. Plus this particular person is always complaining how skinny her child is (and she is really tiny for her age) but won’t feed her anything else - I mean surely that goes into neglect almost?! There was a case a couple of years ago where a child fed a raw vegan diet literally died of starvation and malnutrition. I think it’s completely different when vegetarian or vegan families allow their child to eat meat if they want (say outside of the house, if they pick something up in the shops, etc) than saying no completely to anything other than what they eat - I think that is really controlling and restrictive behaviour.

I would not expect a vegetarian to buy, cook or serve meat to their kids or to anyone else. I guess for vegan I'd be a bit concerned that really small kids weren't getting enough of certain things. But to expect someone ethically opposed to animal products to handle and cook them, especially actual meat, is asking too much of a lot of people. When the kid is old enough they can cook meat at home, and in the meantime they can just have it at school, in cafes etc or at mates houses.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7073751/#:~:text=Deficiencies%20in%20minerals%20such%20as,to%20acquired%20hypothyroidism%20%5B58%5D.

Just one extract.

Deficiencies in minerals such as iodine, calcium, and zinc may also occur. Iodine deficiency is very common among vegans, often leading to acquired hypothyroidism [

Vegetarians don't eat fish.

My son has been pescetarian since he was about 8. I allowed him that choice.

But largly I think most children eat the same as their parents as a lot of people don't have the time and/or money to be making different food for everyone.

DS had a friend when he was younger who's parents were veggie. They only ate veggie food at home but the children could, and sometimes did, choose to eat meat outside of the home.

Make a safeguarding referral. In theory the child's GP and school should be picking up on it but given how rarely anybody actually sees their GP these days...

There's a massive difference between eating vegan and not giving a kid enough calories, and that's before you get into any nutritional defecits their diet may or may not have.

A lot of vegan products are fortified with b12 etc these days but I guess that the raw vegan mum isn't buying anything processed enough to have been fortified.

Edited to add: it sounds like mum could well have disordered eating and is feeding her kids in a disordered way too. Vegan diets can be a red flag for eating disorders, there's a known link.

Before anybody comes at me, yes I believe it's perfectly possible to be vegan and not have an eating disorder. I also believe it's possible up be vegan and have a fairly balanced diet if you are careful and aren't against supplements.

🤣🤣🤣 so vegetarian=future drug addiction

I would presume if vegan food was OK they would not need to fortify it

😆😆😆😆

I wouldn't take anything you see on Instagram too seriously - I'd bet as soon as the camera goes off the kids are eating normal kid friendly food. But are you saying the children seem malnourished?

There are vegan formulas (Wysoy) but they aren't recommended until over 6 months. The only ones suitable under 6 months are Puramino, Alfamino and Neocate, and they are about £50 a tub via online pharmacies. But I guess if someone feels that strongly they will pay that? My daughters both had a dairy intolerance which made them very unwell, so we looked extensively at formulas

As long as nutritional requirements are being met I don’t think it’s an issue. It’s difficult to meet those in a vegan diet for a child. I think a child can be very healthy in a balanced vegetarian diet (I’m a meat eater btw). I’d be much happier to feed my child a healthy veggie diet than a diet full of pre prepared processed crap. Surely that’s worse.

All parents make decisions about their children’s diets according to their beliefs, values and finances.
After my mum died when I was 7 I was brought up on utter shite.
As an adult I became vegetarian as soon as I left home at 18.
I have been married twice. My first husband as vegetarian too but second husband was a meat eater which I accepted but he knew when he moved in with me that I would not cook, store or have meat eaten in the house. What he ate outside ie at work or on meals out was his choice.
I feed my cat meat/ fish because that is what she needs as a carnivore but I would not do it for a human of any age because that is a choice and against my moral code.

Hmmm….not really true. Jews and Muslims exclude very few foods, they don’t eat pork but do eat beef and lamb, also fish, eggs, milk, cheese. The foods may have to pass a religious test of production, and some of them are not eaten in combination during cooking, but they are nothing like as restrictive as veganism.

Vegetarian Hindu in the subcontinent have dishes cooked in ghee ( clarified butter) yogurt and similar cultured milk products, eggs: again nothing as restrictive as veganism.

The dictates of religion seem to have evolved to make a wide and balanced diet perfectly acceptable.

Everyone inevitably imposes their dietary preferences on their children to some extent - the things that children eat every day in different cultures varies wildly. My DC never ate cooked cheese, which is a staple of most British children's meals, because I loathe it, so it's not in my repertoire of meals.

But that needs to be tempered to what's appropriate for very young children. If you only eat beige processed food yourself then you should still feed your children green vegetables. If you're allergic to peanuts then you should still give your toddler peanut butter (get a relative to feed it to them if you're too allergic to do it safely). If you eat a very low fat raw vegetable diet like the person in the OP then you need to give your infant a higher fat, somewhat more calorie dense meal (though hummus can be pretty calorie and fat dense).

Where you draw the line is the problem. According to standard nutritional advice "A healthy, balanced diet should include at least 2 portions of fish a week, including 1 of oily fish." but not all vegetarian parents would abide by that advice for their children, and I think most people would judge them less for it than a beige food fan who refuses to have leafy greens in the house.

I think it's unreasonable to expect vegans and vegetarians to buy or prepare meat. I think especially unreasonable for vegans because they seem more likely to be following a vegan way of life because of strong beliefs about the use of animals and animal products.
I've been a vegetarian for a long time, 30+ years and I do give my kids meat and fish but I find it very difficult because of the smell, look and any situation in which I have to touch it. I'm a vegetarian mostly because I think meat and fish are disgusting from a sensory standpoint. If I was a vegetarian for purely ethical reasons I don't think I could give it to my kids.

It is doable, bit ideally need professional guidance from a dietician to ensure its properly balanced.

Mine both had a dairy intolerance, and 2nd absolutely refused to eat meat or fish, whatever we tried in terms of blending/hiding/sauces etc.

The 2nd even now won't eat dairy although she now can, she will only have soya yogurts and coconut milk and coconut based cheese. We have tried tempting her with ice cream etc bit it's an absolute no, she will only eat non dairy ice cream. I don't know if its a memory of how unwell it made her, or the taste, so rightly or wrongly we have accepted she just won't have dairy. We do manage to sneak a bit of chicken and fish in now. She otherwise has a really broad diet, eats all fruit and veg, so it's not that she us fussy in general. I'm sure she will probably be a vegan when she grows up, through no influence from us. We all eat meat, dairy etc.

We were under a dietician until she was 4 to ensure her diet was nutritionally balanced.