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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to give lone parents a

110 replies

ALMummy · 07/04/2008 09:10

medal.

Have had food poisoning for the past two days during which time I was unable to get up off the bathroom floor for four hours let alone take care of my DC. DH sorted them out and then got his Mum over for the rest of the time.

When I started feeling better it made me realise how bloody hard it must be for lone parents without much support of which I know there are a fair few on MNet. I was incapable (I felt) of looking after my kids but loads dont have any choice do they? and just have to get on with it. Just made me realise how much more you have to deal with as a lone parent.

OP posts:
midnightexpress · 07/04/2008 09:24

Hear hear.

I never realised until I had children of my own just how hard it must be to bring them up on your own. I had dp home for the whole of ds1's first year and it was still blimmin hard work.

Hats off to you.

Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:30

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:30

Message withdrawn

dizzydixies · 07/04/2008 09:32

AL agree but also poor you, food poisoning is horrible, hope you're feeling better very soon

sixlostmonkeys · 07/04/2008 09:48

I'm a lone mum and recently had a friend say the same to me. I reckon if he had a medal he would have given me it! I had been ill with a bug and then a week or so after he caught the same bug. He had his partner looking after him but they said that all through the illness they just kept saying "how does sixlostmonkeys cope? how? How?

Hope you are feeling better almummy

tiredemma · 07/04/2008 09:50

I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for Lone parents. parenting is a tough job- we all know that- but to have to do it alone is admirable. I dont know how I would cope.

DoodleToYou · 07/04/2008 09:51

Message withdrawn

brightwell · 07/04/2008 10:52

Aaahh, Thank you. I'm a lone parent. Yes it can be hard, stressful and down right impossible at times juggling homelife, working and 2 dc. Far too often people are ready to give lone parents a bad press. I'm a lone parent as a result of the life choices my "then" husband made.

skyatnight · 07/04/2008 11:30

Yes, I'm a lone parent and the times when I am ill are some of the worst. It is also often the case that my child gives me the illness that she has picked up at nursery. So she is ill first and I am up at night with her, so exhausted. Then I get the lurgy from her just as she is recovering. Hence a period of up about a week is a right-off with very little housework done. It takes another week to get back to normal again.

AnneMayesR · 07/04/2008 11:47

I agree. I would not have survived as a lone parent. God knows how they do it!

cheesesarnie · 07/04/2008 11:49

i agree!

Remotew · 07/04/2008 11:58

I can remember being so ill for about a week and couldnt get out of bed. My DD was about 6 and the time. (I am a single parent) fortunatley it was over easter and my brother and sis-in-law were staying with me and had to look after her, took her to the child minder etc (I was supposed to be working). I could not have managed without their help.

Was ill again, funnily enough with a similar bug recently. DD is now 13 and of course can look after herself now .

I got me thinking though about other single mums that dont have the help. How would they manage in this situtation.

lovecat · 07/04/2008 12:10

God yes, total agreement - I'm laid up in bed for a few days following surgery and if DH wasn't here I don't know what I'd do. Kudos to the lot of you

rebelmum1 · 07/04/2008 12:16

Well I think it's sad that we have so many lone parents. I wonder why it is.

rebelmum1 · 07/04/2008 12:18

But then again I was the other woman so I guess I can help answer that question myself being a woman of appalling morals..

KerryMum · 07/04/2008 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dizietsma · 07/04/2008 12:20

Amen!

Remotew · 07/04/2008 12:27

rebelmum1. I think its sad if a lone parent is ill and doesnt have any help with the kids if she's laid up in bed.

Not so sad that there are so many single parents as some of us have happy lives and happy kids believe it or not, partly due to the fact that some other poor woman has to put up with the ex grump .

Youcannotbeserious · 07/04/2008 12:28

I have loads of respect for lone parents....

I do think, though, that some do milk it...

My DH's Ex is a 'lone parent' Always classes herself as such... BUT - DH pays LOADS of maintenence (to allow her to have an Au Pair and so she doesn't HAVE to work), the school fees for the kids, private healthcare, Child support etc,

AND she has DH (or me if DH isn't about) as and when she can't look after the kids.

Whereas I (married, therefore, NOT lone parent) am facing motherhood with no help (can't afford it and don't have room for a nursery let alone an Au Pair), no-one else to help with the baby (can't exactly call his ex, can I???) and a DH who works abroad to earn enough money just to keep his lone-parent Ex off his back.........

Sorry, touchy subject right now!

Mercy · 07/04/2008 12:32

Agree. I've always thought it must be really tough when you are worried about your children (behaviour, health, school or whatever) and you have no-one to discuss it with and pretty much always sorting it out by yourself.

totalmisfit · 07/04/2008 12:33

i totally agree with the O/P. For me it's the nights where DP works late and dd screams for half the night, by which time i've been up for 18 hours straight, got a flashing light migraine and a toddler covered in poo or some such, and i'm just thinking 'how do single parents do it?'

and they're given such a rough time by the media. Probably because they're an easy target and unable to defend themselves. Let's demonise the bastards who walk out on these poor women (and sometimes men) and give single parents a big cheer, a big hug and whatever they need from public spending.

Remotew · 07/04/2008 12:35

Youcannotbeserious, exactly see my point below . I'm not being serious this afternoon. My maintenance only keeps DD in pocket money and zilch help from her dad, so I am not one of the lucky ones but I do know some women who are.

rebelmum1 · 07/04/2008 12:37

My dh's ex is financially solvent, plenty of money for luxuries and a nearly grown up dd. She is also our number 1 babysitter! She's our only childcare support and cared for my dd over the weekend when we moved house. Hats off to her, she has my utmost respect.

Youcannotbeserious · 07/04/2008 12:39

Oh, AboutEve - Sorry to be flippant but IF ONLY!!! WE pay pocket money for the kids for when they are with their mum....

No really, we do... AND pay for their phones, and i-pods (bought them and pay for i-tunes for the new songs) and their clothes, and school trips and doctors appointments and ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF...

Youcannotbeserious · 07/04/2008 12:41

I'd agree, Totalmisfit, IF Maintenence and child support obtained from the other parent was taken into account.

My DH's ex qualifies for LOTS of Govt. support even though she receives thousands (NOT exagerating!) every month from us.

Sorry, that's wrong and it's people like that who tarnish ALL single parents, many of whom DO struggle.