To think this is a giant red flag?

[saywhatnowhuh]

Been on a few dates with a guy. Due to travels we've been chatting a long time but only been on a handful of dates. I haven't slept with him yet because I didn't feel ready. We get on great. No issues until....

On Friday night, I was in a bar with work colleagues when a random drunk man came and sat down next to me and put his hand on my knee and then, before I could move away, attempted to put it up my skirt.

I obviously moved away and spoke to the staff and he was thrown out the bar. No harm done but not the nicest experience.

I told the guy I've been dating about this and his response was "well you did look hot in that dress" (he'd seen a photo from that night) "...but I can't have some random drunk guy getting further with you than I have".

I'm not a sensitive person AT ALL and I honestly thought this was a vile response.

AIBU to think this is gross and a huge red flag?

An apologist for sexual assault and thinks he owns your body? Cheerio.

No, don't. It's what he thinks.

And now you know why you weren't ready to sleep with him. You have good judgment op. Be proud of yourself..
Now block him. You don't even owe him an explanation..

A tactless flippant response. The poor sod probably meant it in a lighthearted way to cheer you up and probably thinking you would appreciate a compliment.
This would not worry me as a sexist or misogynistic comment but rather as a sign that he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer if you know what I mean.

Im sorry that you had a horrible experience with drunken man.
Any decent BF would have called you to check you were ok.
I wouldn't bother replying to him, keep your dignity and your standards. I hope that you have a better weekend.

Wtf.

You have very low expectations - we deserve better.

This!!!

In two sentences he's told you who he really is.
And men are still wondering why women "choose the bear".

He probably has no idea he's in the wrong here.

I think I'd reply telling him what I thought of his attitude but it' would be the end of the relationship for me.

I'm sorry you had this experience @saywhatnowhuh .

Well, men who make shit unfunny offensive sexist rapey "jokes" aren't a catch either, so...

And it wasn't a joke anyway, as everyone knows. Yeah, run. And tell him why. He needs to understand what's so wrong about this.

I can't believe there are women in existence who actually think this. Good grief.

Op, if you want to reply I would go with "I was sexually assaulted and that's your response? I don't want to see you again as I'm looking for someone with more emotional intelligence."

I am not a blocker so I'd just then leave any replies on read.

I'm reading it that his only goal with you is to 'get further'.

Sounds like he'll dump you once he's had his way with you.

Dump him now.

Bloody hell! That's shocking. Run and don't look back 🚩

You have exceptionally low standards. Would you say that to your daughter?

🤢
Bastards the two of them.
That "drunk guy" would have received a mighty push or a slap. Assault for an assault.
It might be my age, though.
And he wouldn't make it past my husband, anyway.
Sorry for this experience, OP!

Give him a chance to apologise? How would he even realise that he should? He's obviously completely unempathic.

In any case, his response tells the OP all she needs to know - leave him in the past.

@saywhatnowhuh I obviously moved away and spoke to the staff and he was thrown out the bar. No harm done but not the nicest experience.

i beg your pardon?

the man sexually assalted you, and all the bar did was throw the man out? did they/you not ring the police?

this is why people (notice i went gendar nuetrel because its not just men who do this) do things like this, because its brushed off as no harm done.

no harm done?

did you make the same comment to your fella? which might in some ways explain his response?

no its not ok! its not ok to touch someone, let alone try reach into their pants! and its not ok for him to respond the way he did?

Instant no.

Horrible thing to happen and I hope you're OK? The only positive is that it got this creep to reveal himself early on. He's as disgusting as the sexual assault predator.

Gives you an insight into how he deems women who "dress a certain way " they were asking for it !

Sorry, yes, on both counts (could see why the guy did it and using it as an excuse to hint at sex) . Sorry op

A tactless flippant response. The poor sod probably meant it in a lighthearted way to cheer you up and probably thinking you would appreciate a compliment.
This would not worry me as a sexist or misogynistic comment but rather as a sign that he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer if you know what I mean.

You have exceptionally low standards.

@saywhatnowhuh it’s always good when the trash takes itself out, you’ve dodged a bullet there.

Absolutely 100% this. OP you deserve a decent guy, this isn't one of them. It's early days and you haven't lost anything so move on.

Gross. It would be the end of the relationship for me.

Victim blaming you for looking 'hot' and envious of the guy who sexually assaulted you... What a charmer!

I'm sorry about the arse in the bar!

im disappointed in the bloke you WERE seeing. Inappropriate comment re your dress etc. & about 'can't have him bettering further with you than he has' (like you wanted it-urgh)

But for ME the worst of it, is that he sees 'sex' with you as HIM 'getting somewhere' rather than intimacy you're developing between you.

im no stranger to ONS FB FWB etc but if im thinking 'potential proper relationship' I want to feel a connection & intimacy, not like he's a teenage lad just wanting to get the second base.

i would ignore every message he sends (I wouldn't block) & id ignore his calls.

i would waste my time & effort explaining why he was 'dumped'.

Find yourself a new

Nothing to reply to, block and run.

If you wanted to you could ask if he always blamed victims of assault rather than the perpetrator and then block.