To think this is a giant red flag?

[saywhatnowhuh]

Been on a few dates with a guy. Due to travels we've been chatting a long time but only been on a handful of dates. I haven't slept with him yet because I didn't feel ready. We get on great. No issues until....

On Friday night, I was in a bar with work colleagues when a random drunk man came and sat down next to me and put his hand on my knee and then, before I could move away, attempted to put it up my skirt.

I obviously moved away and spoke to the staff and he was thrown out the bar. No harm done but not the nicest experience.

I told the guy I've been dating about this and his response was "well you did look hot in that dress" (he'd seen a photo from that night) "...but I can't have some random drunk guy getting further with you than I have".

I'm not a sensitive person AT ALL and I honestly thought this was a vile response.

AIBU to think this is gross and a huge red flag?

Agree with this!

I could almost forgive it in a conversation if he was otherwise wonderful…(almost…probably not) but he TYPED this. Moron.

Buh-bye.

Jesus! What a prick! Don't bother responding, just block, dump and run.

Guaranteed if you reply and say you found his reply offensive, he'll get all defensive and possibly offer the most weaselly apology about how he was just having a joke. Another weak, pathetic man.

Your response should be..."And these comments are why I don't sleep with guys too soon. Gives me time to work out which ones are the creeps first."

I agree with the previous poster. He saw that assault as an affront on him.

That is a really weird response :/. How old is he? He sounds as if he's quite young and hasn't realised the seriousness of it?

He's used you being assaulted to not so subtly remind you that you've yet to give him what he wants. Absolutely vile, dump.

I'd reply with "Bye Felipe" and block

🎶Getting to know you, getting to know all about you …🎶

You now know enough.

Well he’s told you clearly what he thinks of women.

Unless you also have that low regard for women and yourself, you should dump him.

And this.

I’m sorry that happened to you OP. I hope you’re okay.

His reply tells you what you need to know.

Give him a chance to apologise.

I could almost forgive it in a conversation if he was otherwise wonderful…(almost…probably not) but he TYPED this. Moron.

I thought that. Before I get leapt on, I’m not saying this is a joking matter at all, but some people take to gallows humour more than others. (I had a similar nasty experience on the tube once; I used to say to my DH “right, off to get groped on the Piccadilly Line again”. And he’d make some silly remark back.) And with that kind of background and context, you could possibly excuse it as a silly bit of banter that didn’t actually mean anything. But over text and from a man she’s not been seeing for very long? At best, it’s highly inappropriate and disrespectful - and, as others have said, much more sinister at worst.

He might as well have said "poor bloke, it's your fault for being attractive and not wearing dowdy clothes".

Yuck yuck yuck.

Yeah this.

Unless you massively underplayed what happened and how you felt then he’s turned the situation around what should have been about how you were feeling into it being all about him and his sexual needs.

I could possibly forgive the comment about how hot you looked as some people just don't know what to say so say something ridiculous. It's the getting further with him that's the red flag. Maybe see what he says next unless the ick has arrived in which case game over.

This happened a week ago and it doesn't sound like he's done so yet. Any apology is worthless unless it comes completely unprompted so no, OP should not give him any further chances.

His response was jealousy when it should have been sympathy. He's done you a favor by showing who he is. Run. Run away.

Sorry this happened to you.

He's more concerned about getting his leg over than you being sexually assaulted.
Block

I’ve said it before on these threads and I’ll say it again.

The kind of women who end up in good, supportive relationships with decent men, the kind of women who are ‘lucky’ to ‘find a good one’ are NOT just lucky. They end up with decent men because they do NOT ‘give the benefit of the doubt’ or ‘give him a chance to apologise’. They drop kick the bottom-feeders at the first strike, and no second chances, and they only stay with the actual good men.

Think about it. He’s shown you who he is by that comment - and what he is is at best second-rate. It’s a foul thing to say. A decent man wouldn’t have said it, so if you actually want a genuinely decent man - move on!

What does an apology achieve? - only a heads-up to this kind of grunt that he’d better watch his mouth if he wants to keep this one. So he watches his mouth. And? You’ve still got a grunt, and the decent men are floating by.

No second chances. This is what early dating is for. One strike and out, move on.

Ewwwww.

Don't.

For once ghosting is appropriate.

Why?

Personally I would respond.

I'd tell him exactly what I thought I'd that comment!