I'm so exhausted from working full time and having young kids

[Feelinglikeamoan]

I'm in my 40s, I work full time, I have a preschooler and a primary school aged child. I'm fucking exhausted.

I've always worked full time, we could never afford to reduce hours. I'm burnt out. A normal night's sleep is 6.5 hours during the week. There are simply not enough hours in the day to get more sleep.

Also, I work in a really stressful health care role which adds to my exhaustion.

What makes it worse is that I'm the only one out of my friends in this situation. All of my friends with kids have either one parent working part time, or not working at all. Many of them have grandparents nearby providing significant support with childcare giving them time to rest.

I just wanted to moan. I feel like I don't get to enjoy life much as I'm so busy and exhausted. I've felt really upset by reading a few threads recently about people retiring in their 50s. It made me feel sad that I'm already so exhausted in my 40s, and I won't be able to retire until I'm around 67.

My biggest sadness is not being able to spend as much time as I'd like with my children. I wish I could work less and see them more. I feel like I'm letting them down by not having enough time for them.

I hear you. It’s fucking hard. But you’re doing it. The strength it takes is considerable. Be proud of your grit. And moan away ☕️

I hear you. It's bloody hard and relentless.

Is your partner doing his fair share?

Yes. Very much so.

Thanks @AtrociousCircumstance and @Bemusedandconfusedagain

It's not a sustainable situation really. Our generation was told we could have it all, and we can't. Or both partners can't anyway. The cost of living however makes it impossible not to have to FT earners.

I think you are completely entitled to moan. Moan away. It's hard.
But you are not letting your DC down. You are a brilliant example of hard work, determination and independence.

Same for me OP. It’s so hard when you have friends who are stay at home parents when you work all day and cook/clean/wash all night until you drop. I’m exhausted , but there is no other way.

You're right, it is really hard

Same op. Its relentless.

There needs to be a big cultural shift in expectations towards parents of primary aged children working more like 3-4 days, or shorter hours spread across the days, not 37-40 hour weeks.

This really resonates with me but we are setting a great example to our kids and giving them a work ethic.
They will know not everything comes on a plate

Could have written this. It’s so hard!

It is so, so hard op.

What time are the kids going to bed that you're only getting 6.5 hours sleep? Or is it because you're doing all the housework/dinner stuff too?

You definitely aren't letting them down. They will see a hard working woman with determination. You might think that.ypur kids are missing out but they really aren't as they know they are loved.

My mum had me young and was initially a SAHM. As we got older she started working part time whilst doing night school to get her admin qualifications. She also kept the house running whilst my dad worked shifts. Then she went off to full time work eventually. As an adult now I'm in absolute awe. How she juggled everything I do not know. It certainly gave me the desire to work as hard as a can. I don't feel like we missing out on her not being around at times.

It is so hard I agree, what does a typical day look like for you? Dh and I both work ft too and get around 7.5-8 hours sleep a night and we found when it was less/really broken (ds2 hated sleep until about 6 months ago) we were mentally so much worse off! We now prioritise it and are in bed by 9:30 every night, asleep by 10:30. Up around 6/6:30 it’s made a huge difference - especially now that the kids sleep to 7/7:30 and we get a little time on a morning to start the day silently! Ours are 8 and 4 now and I’ve certainly aged 10 years in the last 4 since we had the 2nd!

Why do you only get 6.5 hours?

Agreed. It is an impossible situation because we are expected to give all of ourselves at work and at home as a parent and you cannot do both justice working full time without significant help either paid or family.

I think society today would benefit from having the "village" back. If everyone is community spirited and endeavoured to maintain close relationships with their families and not move so far away from them, the burden could be shared ......

It just doesn't work though when there's no jobs in the places you grew up.

I think housing costs/cost of life means most households need 2 ft wages and it's bloomin hard with young kids. Women were sold a pup when they were told they could 'have it all'.Absolute bollocks i'd rather be able to have a bit of work - life balance. Cd you go down to 4 days op?

Do you have any days holidays to take op? Sometimes just a few days of hometime and a few treats for yourself- baths, walks etc can make everything seems a bit more doable?

Without me sounding like a dick, what did you expect? It’s exhausting enough working full time without kids, I can not imagine why any sane person would put themselves in this situation deliberately. Full time, 40’s and 2 young kids without help or a nanny? Madness.

Sorry but you deserve a medal (or a sanity check) for surviving as you are. It’s always been the great tag line of you can have it all! When really, you can but only at a steep price and ideally before your mid 30s.

I had mine in my 20’s and I’m still knackered if that helps 🤣

It's relentless OP. Relentless.

In the same boat - mid 40’s, two primary aged kids, full time job, very lucky to get 6 hours sleep at night. I’m exhausted and my health is suffering but I cannot afford to drop hours so I’m stuck.