Why do people think parents who pay for private education are enormously wealthy?

[SheineOn]

Is this just the stereotype?

I went to a school that cost 18k a year (15 years ago). It’s now 24k a year.

There were wealthy people there. But also many ‘normal’ people. At least 40% fell into that category. People who lived on estates, drove modest cars, skipped holidays and ate cheaply.

They made a choice to spend their money on private education. For context, two of my closest friends have dc in private. They live off 450 a month after paying fees. They are not high earners.

Not everyone has endless wealth. Some are just happy to make the sacrifice. I find it strange people don’t seem to get that and makes me wonder how lacking in knowledge you must be to have that view of the private sector.

That all sounds perfectly reasonable @NettleTea. The truth is, the great majority of parents would do what they thought best for the children if they could afford it, whatever that was.
That's why I don't believe Starmer when he says he would never use private medicine if his close family member was unwell or in great pain and languishing on an NHS waiting list. The huge majority would if their loved one was suffering, whatever their principles may be in general.

Education should be good for everyone, not just for those who pay.

So you won't have to make that choice.

In Europe like Germany, France, this is the norm and standards are good, regardless of where you live in all state schools. That means it is possible. By paying into it, whether you're rich or not, you're making this educational apartheid stronger.

I'd say he's a road sweeper or some such.

And I don't like the repeated comments that those that put their kids to private school are super wealthy so we will need to agree to disagree. There are some folk out there who will never be able to send their kids to a private school as there are health issues preventing either the parent from working or because there are carer responsibilities. There are other folk that if they stopped smoking 20 a day, could afford to do it. There are other folk who want to have a large family could not afford it (and there is nothing wrong with that by the way). There are other folk who prefer to have a large house, new cars and foreign holidays so can't afford private education (again, nothing wrong with that decision). There are others scrimping to put their kid in private school because the local state school might be the school from hell. There will be others who find themselves financially challenged through sheer dumb luck due to unemployment, Ill health, divorce or a partner with a gambling issue - all far bigger issues that rightly require the persons priority than trying to work out how to fund private school. And then there will be those that can pay Etonian fees without a second glance. Choices and circumstances dictate what folk can and cannot do and just because someone can send their kid to private school doesn't mean that they look down on kids in state school. I have one child at private school and 1 child at state school - that decision was made as to what school was best for each child to thrive. People may assume I am wealthy - I'm not. I can't afford foreign holidays. I have a tiny house. I have a 10 year old car.I can't afford to have a credit card or non mortgage debt. I'm a single mother who has worked 80-100 hour weeks to try and put myself in the position to do this. Labour's escapade will mean I have to attempt to magic up £20k a year between VAT and fee rises to cover the loss of tax relief. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me but I do expect people to understand having to magic up another £5k+ per year (and my school is at the lower end of the fee spectrum) or face the prospect of my child going to a less suitable school for their needs is not easy pocket change for a significant swath of parents who have kids at private school.

The state system won’t change. Take more from those already paying for their kids’ education… but it won’t magically fix the state sector. It’s very sad and more focus should be on education in the UK. I won’t be subjecting my Dd to it if there’s any way I can avoid it. The two experiences are worlds apart.

I don't think smoking costs the same as private school jeez

Yes- I lived next to people who were much wealthier than my family. We were on benefits. We didn’t have a better life because we wished they were poorer and wished they couldn’t afford a holiday.

Agree more money is needed but it is a start in the right direction and it's the principle here too. We should not be encouraging a two tier system that benefits one group over another - this is one of the reasons we have so much division and inequality in society - so for me it's not just the money which will be raised - it's the symbolism of it too.

'Some are just happy to make the sacrifice'

I love a good, old private school bun-fight on MN.

I've said it many times before, we didn't need to make the sacrifice, as OP says it. Both my DC went to the local comprehensive (no grammars in Scotland) in an inner-city, very mixed area, with about 40% on FSM. Eldest DS couldn't have done any better academically- school Dux/ awards from exam board for top grades in the city/ offers from top universities of his choice. Second DS did extremely well & has unconditional offers with grades in hard. Both had superb sporting opportunities & have a bunch of lovely friends who are all on great pathways.

Friend's son went private - highly regarded & expensive- left with no qualifications as his poor MH (& undiagnosed ASD it turns out) was seen as willful poor behaviour. I'm sure there are many great private schools, but it's not a given.

@dementedmummy bit off the track of the thread but I have heard of some schools negotiating the increase if you are struggling. I hope you can sort something x

That’s a ridiculous thing to say. The average salary is just under £35k. Who could afford to pay £24k in school fees and then live in less than £11k a year.

people who choose to send their children to private school are, 9/10 in a strong financial position. They choose to use the private school system because they want to give their children an advantage in life. This is fine but why should private schools have charitable status and not pay/ charge VAT? They are not charities doing voluntary work to improve vulnerable groups in society. They are businesses that provide a service (which widens the inequality in our country). If parents choose to use them they can pay the VAT on this non essential purchase.

A 75k household income and a plan to privately educate

Personally, I would rather state educate my kids, live somewhere brilliant, have a great lifestyle that includes hobbies, holidays, eating out, and being able to afford more than two pairs of jeans, than privately educate and have to scrimp and save. Our household income is much higher than the OPs (and shock horror, we were both state school educated!) and we live in the deep dark north so we are not paying a London mortgage. Could we afford to privately educate two kids? Probably, but it would be tight and we would be stressed for sure. More work and less time spent with our kids no doubt too. To me, raising happy, healthy, resilient children entails so much more than a private education. State education, hobbies, interests, cultural activities and engaged parents are all that children need to be happy and successful. If you can actually afford to privately educate, knock yourselves out but it's madness to do it when you can't actually afford it!

and many of us do have the money, but have chosen to support our kids within the state system, and to support the other kids and the school too. Money much better spent.

Kids who became adults who could cope with all sorts of different people, organise themselves without being prepped and sat on by staff, and who benefited hugely from those skills later at Uni and later at work- which helped massively in promotion and success.

State schools manage to be adequate in the face of increasing cuts, rising costs and loss of support staff so IMAGINE what they could be if properly funded!

I know you think they are all 'knife addled rape sheds' (to quote Malcom Tucker) but they do a good job in pretty adverse circumstances - maybe the fee paying schools could follow their example rather than passing on the cost to parents?

They give up holidays, have cheap cars- as it’s their choice to spend their money that way- it still means they’re wealthy. I’ve not gone abroad in five years and have a 12 year old car but I don’t have the choice to send my child to private school too- because I don’t have the money. That’s the difference! Honestly you live on another planet love!

No - it's about unfairness towards children.

It's about the vast and increasing inequality of educational opportunity in the UK which is ethically unsupportable.

@Samanabanana yes this is my point! It’s very hard to afford it but you’ve got posters above saying it’s easy.

im glad you accept that even the top earners struggle to afford it.

I see your sentiment but I don’t think we have two tiers. The huge family wealth in this country alone, will never equalise any of us.

@izimbra … I will ask again… everyone here is saying the state sector is perfectly fine? Why is that? Which is it? Because if it’s fine then why does it matter if people go to private schools?

*Samanabanana yes this is my point! It’s very hard to afford it but you’ve got posters above saying it’s easy.

im glad you accept that even the top earners struggle to afford it.*

And now you're contradicting yourself. I thought you said we could all do it easily if we weren't so frivolous

But my point is you will be sacrificing your family's happiness and security with a blinkered approach to privately educating your DC at all costs!

Nobody said that. People resented the OP's implication that they were somehow negligent that they hadn't sent their kids to private school. That's not a judgement on those that have. Everyone can make their own decisions, but keep their opinions to themselves. And then everyone will get along fine.

'Subjecting to'? On your experience of popping into two of thousands of state schools?
Will you covering her eyes every time you accidentally see a 'poor' too? The poor child will be scarred for life.
CatherineTate anyone?

@uniq no, I’ve said all along that it requires financial sacrifice but people choose not to. I’ve also said many can’t pay for it but lots COULD if they wanted to enough.

We do - in fact we probably have a three tier system, when you consider the rubbish that many SEN children and their families have to deal with to get a level playing field and support for their children.