My 92-year-old mum thinks a Power of Attorney is “bossy”

[PoAornevermind]

She set a Power of Attorney up approx 20 years ago but has lost it and it is not registered.

She has stalled on either trying to find it or apply for another one for a months now. My sister spoke to her about it at the weekend and mum wanted to put it off until “later”. Today she told me it all sounded a bit “bossy”.

I have explained that she can appoint whoever she wants as PoA, but please do one as I don’t want to be left with a nightmare of dealing with banks etc, should it be needed. My relationship with my sister is very difficult so that would presumably just add to the issues.

Mum has no hesitation in accepting plenty of care and support from my sister and I over years. She is fully with it at the moment, fully mobile etc, just a bit forgetful at times.

If she loses capacity without a PoA, what might I be in for, and can I distance myself from the mess?

AIBU to feel I’m in a stressful position or should I just leave it? It is after all entirely her choice.

If I was trying to persuade an elderly parent, if least by example, and tell them I'm setting up LPAs for myself "because if my mind starts to go, I want people who love and care for me to make the decisions for me, not some harassed social worker who doesn't even know me or what my preferences are"

If you do your own at a younger age than them, you're demonstrating that it's just a sensible thing for anyone to do, not an indication that you think their age makes you think they're incapable and you want to take over.

Yeah I am 50 and have done mine !! Stupid parents - like they think age and death won’t happen to them. It’s all ‘pushy kids’ urgh

pkus thanks to @Arlanymor !!!

Good outcome OP. We have done this for my parents. And also my husband and I have done it for each other (and our young adult kids are deputy appointees should we both lose capacity). We have just turned 50. I can’t see any huge disadvantages really.

Glad this has been resolved, possibly due to my mention of social workers. I cannot succinctly describe the hell that Surrey County Council's Safeguarding heads gave me over my mother, they are highly dangerous people. In fact, there's another thread on Mumsnet about unsackable people and they are in that category.

Attached is my letter in Metro newspaper (on the left) in the last year or so on the issue.