historical dating one 'wear something sexy'

[Frogmila]

I'm recovering from surgery and for some reason my mind has gone to an online date from ages ago (that didn't actually happen!) and I wondered whether others would have given the bloke a chance.

Zero consequence, I have a fab partner now, just looking for distraction!

So, 30s London professionals looking for relationships not casual. All fine on paper, enough to match but not enormous amounts in common or anything.

We chatted (not in great depth and nothing very flirty) before he invited me for a post work drink.

Place and time confirmed on the day.

He then texted 'wear something sexy'.

I didn't like this so politely cancelled the drink and wished him well.

I didn't really overthink it but reasons being, it hadn't been a flirtatious conversation yet. I felt he'd hurriedly introduced a sexual element plus I would feel he was judgemental about appearance! Plus I generally don't like being told what to do!! It just didn't sit right. Like he was trying to be a bit dominant out of nowhere.

He quickly apologised, said it had been a silly thing to say and he didn't care what I wore. I didn't reinstate plans.

I then worried he was just flirting and others would have been fine with this!

YABU= I would have given him a chance
YANBU= no thanks

Ew no. That would massively put me off, and for the same reasons you mentioned. I don't tolerate being told what to wear, and it indicates he believes it's a duty of women to always look "fuckable" for men.

It may well have been a misguided joke, but I wouldn't even like a guy making jokes like that.

Ick. I’d have cancelled too.

historical dating one 'wear something sexy'

I was thinking this was going to be someone asking you to dress as a buxom medieval 'wench'.😃

I probably would have met him to try and decide if he was just incredibly awkward and didn't know how to flirt or all the more sinister things you thought. I would have gone with low expectations though!

Definitely would have cancelled too. Now, or 40 years ago (I'm in my 60s).

Nopety nope from me too

Think of it positively, your cancelling might hopefully have made him rethink his approach for other potential dates.
Think of it as educational.

Ew, I’d definitely have cancelled. Combination of making things sexual before you’d met, telling you what to wear and the underlying assumption that you need to impress him- urgh.

If he was actually a nice chap who misjudged it, you did him a favour by letting him know not to use that line in future.

You were absolutely right op. The absolute cheek of it.. ‘wear something sexy?’ Go fuck yourself mate.

I'd have gone dressed as Nora Batty!

Given that it was a first date then I would have declined as you did.

I think it's ok to say it when you're in a relationship to instigate a bit of flirting and excitement before meeting up.

Hehe no, this would have been a more interesting issue though especially if he'd turned up in tights!

You absolutely did the right thing! He was arrogant. And/or looking for a shag.

I'm wondering how men arranging a date would feel about it if the woman told him to "wear something sexy". Lol.

I think this annoyed me too! What was he planning to wear that was so alluring?!

This is a good point. I don't think he was an awful guy so hopefully it was useful learning curve

Exactly. It would have been a one-sided thing. Which just highlights the misogyny of his comment that it's women's job to look pretty for men. I'm sure he hadn't read into it to such an extent but either he was a sexist twit or a guy who got the feedback that he needed that day to not make icky comments like that to women going forwards.

You did the right thing. No one tells you what to wear, or suggests it. Plus, he gives out the wrong impression. He should more interested in you as a person - as has been said many times. Red flag. Run from it.

Given that this is historical, the response could have been 'Of course, and make sure your wallet is bulging'. Nasty.

I wonder why you are thinking about this now? Yes it was said loads when I was dating I just took it as a joke tbh, don't think it's meant in a serious way, along with "where you going?" "shopping" "what you getting me?" Not meant to be serious...

That's a no from me too

I'd have cancelled too.

In that case, maybe he should have been OK with her making jokes about 'how much money are you going to spend on me?' and 'how rich are you'? All in good fun, right?

I'd have told him not to forget his wallet. 😂Then cancelled.

Good call to cancel

Judging by the threads on here women expect the man to pay anyway