historical dating one 'wear something sexy'

[Frogmila]

I'm recovering from surgery and for some reason my mind has gone to an online date from ages ago (that didn't actually happen!) and I wondered whether others would have given the bloke a chance.

Zero consequence, I have a fab partner now, just looking for distraction!

So, 30s London professionals looking for relationships not casual. All fine on paper, enough to match but not enormous amounts in common or anything.

We chatted (not in great depth and nothing very flirty) before he invited me for a post work drink.

Place and time confirmed on the day.

He then texted 'wear something sexy'.

I didn't like this so politely cancelled the drink and wished him well.

I didn't really overthink it but reasons being, it hadn't been a flirtatious conversation yet. I felt he'd hurriedly introduced a sexual element plus I would feel he was judgemental about appearance! Plus I generally don't like being told what to do!! It just didn't sit right. Like he was trying to be a bit dominant out of nowhere.

He quickly apologised, said it had been a silly thing to say and he didn't care what I wore. I didn't reinstate plans.

I then worried he was just flirting and others would have been fine with this!

YABU= I would have given him a chance
YANBU= no thanks

I’m always fascinated on threads about proactively dating how offended some women get by men who overtly express an interest in the potential of a non platonic relationship. I’d always understood that to be the whole point: Do I fancy this person/do they fancy me and do we want to get it on in the foreseeably near future. If not, what’s the point?!

Personally until we meet face to face I have no idea whether there’s a spark so I’m not going to be flirtatious or talking sexually to what is really an online stranger.

I think most of us who have done OLD have had meet ups with someone who isn’t exactly who they’ve claimed to be - age, height, old photos etc

Once we’ve met if there’s an attraction then it goes from there.

In those circumstances, binning was definitely the right decision.

My now DP did say before our first date 'Don't wear too much makeup', which nearly scuppered him. But we'd known each other for over a decade so I gave him a one-off pass, wore twice as much make up as usual, and he's never done it again.

Every time a man has introduced a sexual element before I've even had a chance to build a rapport with him, never mind warm up to him "that" way, it's been like having a bucket of cold water thrown over me. I back out immediately. And no, I don't think you were being unreasonable. I bet such bad timing and buffonery translate into bad bedroom skills. The best lover I ever had displayed womderful manners outside the bedroom and they carried over to inside the bedroom too.

I mean, in his defence, Crocs are horrific. What were you thinking, wearing them on a date, with a nice dress?? I wouldn't be seen dead in a pair of Crocs!

OP, you should have turned up wearing one of those aprons that has a sexy cartoon woman on it!