Any ideas how we can solve 1 afternoon per week childcare headache?

[ChildCareMyProblemAgain]

ExH uses after school club 1 afternoon a week, picks DD (Year 5, aged 10) up from there then has her overnight. He finishes work at 5pm so usually picks up around 5.20/5.30pm.

From September school are reducing wraparounds hours from 5.30pm finish to a 4.45pm for juniors (Years 3-6) finish due to lack of demand. According to ExH DD is often the only child there when he goes to pick up which is obviously costing the school money to keep lights on, heating etc as well as two staff to stay with DD. They are staying open until 5pm for Infants (Years R-2) and juniors who have a younger sibling already at the Wraparound.

ExH lives 30 minutes’ drive from DDs school (so way to far for buses/walking) and DD has some slight learning difficulties and medical issues which means she’s not able to get the bus by herself to ExHs house and if she missed the bus she wouldn’t know what to do.

I work in the office on the days ExH has DD overnight which is over an hour away – the other days I can wfh but it was set as my office days deliberately due to ExHs arrangement – so I can’t help and ExH has said his work rejected have rejected for him to finish in time to pick up DD from wraparound.

School will not allow anyone under the age of 18 to pick up, and won’t allow DD to leave on her own (Can leave alone from after easter of Year 5 if all PR holders and the school agree the child is sensible enough, they do not think DD is sensible enough yet which I agree with)

I know it’s not technically my problem but ExH will make it my problem, so how can we solve this which doesn’t involve me giving up my job (which was his solution last time there was a childcare issue on his day, he just didn’t sort it and I was expected to)?

For context this is the only day DD has any kind of wraparound care, the other days I wfh so she has activities and things she goes to, I however do pay for the wraparound as ExH says thats what CM is for and also it's my choice to send her so I can work 🙄

He sounds like a pillock. Any local childminders about?

Childminder local to school?
Agreement with a friend and you do reciprocal with school holiday days?

She'll be in Y6 in September, can she walk back to yours and ex picks her up from your house?

Can you swap days?

@cadburyegg School don't think she's sensible enough to walk home and be home alone (which I agree with) due to her medical needs and slight SN. I won't be there as I work at the office an hour away on the days ExH has DD.

Childminder or babysitter/nanny are the obvious options.

Will look into childminders.

Can't swap days, I have to be in the office on these 2 days a week and there were decided based on ExHs weeknight overnight, she has activities the other 4 nights or is with ExH EO Friday (until Sunday)

I think he should go back to his work and appeal the flexible working request. For most roles I would have thought this is a pretty easy request to facilitate.

Can he change his hours on that day to start and finish an hour earlier?

Have you got any mates at the school can grab your dd for a while. You can then do them a favour getting theirs on another day?

Can she go to a friends house? I used to have one of my son’s friends twice a week after school for a small payment, or maybe you could come to some reciprocal arrangement. Or Ex could.
He needs to sort some paid childcare. He could try negotiating with ASC as they are clearly taking some children. Maybe one of the employees there will look after SD for the extra time as a private job.

@StormingNorman He says he's been told no, which I took to mean "I haven't asked and won't be as it's your problem"

@DelphiniumBlue The wraparound are closing at 5pm for everyone so it still leaves us a 20-30 minute gap before ExH or I get to the school to pick up.

God he sounds delightful.

I think its up to him to sort out to be honest - let him be the grown up for once!

@Greenlittecat He won't though, last time there was a childcare issue on his days he just ignored it and I was left to deal with it. School don't even have his contact details so couldn't even call him, it'd be me they ring.

Ask if she can go home with a friend from school on that day and ex collects her from friend's house. We regularly have various friends coming home with us on certain days depending on if parents need to work late or take another child to an activity.

You need to make sure school have his number and that they know when he is responsibly for DD. You have allowed him to make everything your problem, don't let it continue.

@LadyDanburysHat I have tried that, they say they can't take the number off me and it has to come from him. And I've asked him to give it to them and he just says "No"

@ChildCareMyProblemAgain sorry sounds like they are almost as bad as him

He needs to address flexible working again

My DH works extra hours 2 days a week to have an early finish for the school run 1 day a week. They can only refuse (I think) if detrimental to business. It is your ExH problem to solve.

@NCfor24 He won't though, he'd give up his overnight if it meant not sorting the childcare issue. So either I sort it and keep my job or I might as well quit now. I already wfh 3 days a week to facilitate the pick up and drop offs.

Long shot but is there a DBs checked taxi that could pick her up and take her to a friend / neighbour or relative until he picks her up?

Childminder at his expense seems to be the obvious solution. Is this contact time court ordered? If so show the school the order so they see that day is his responsibility for pick up and ensure they deal with him

@Spirallingdownwards Yes court ordered - school have a copy of the order but they say the cannot enforce it, but he won't pay for it, he says thats what child maintenance payments are for. I've asked for him to pay for it and he won't, he just says it's my problem.

ExHs logic is I choose to put her in after school club, if I didn't work or wfh on the days she's in then I wouldn't need to use it and he could pick up from me at any time he wanted, so therefore it's my choice to use it and my problem to solve.