Any ideas how we can solve 1 afternoon per week childcare headache?

[ChildCareMyProblemAgain]

ExH uses after school club 1 afternoon a week, picks DD (Year 5, aged 10) up from there then has her overnight. He finishes work at 5pm so usually picks up around 5.20/5.30pm.

From September school are reducing wraparounds hours from 5.30pm finish to a 4.45pm for juniors (Years 3-6) finish due to lack of demand. According to ExH DD is often the only child there when he goes to pick up which is obviously costing the school money to keep lights on, heating etc as well as two staff to stay with DD. They are staying open until 5pm for Infants (Years R-2) and juniors who have a younger sibling already at the Wraparound.

ExH lives 30 minutes’ drive from DDs school (so way to far for buses/walking) and DD has some slight learning difficulties and medical issues which means she’s not able to get the bus by herself to ExHs house and if she missed the bus she wouldn’t know what to do.

I work in the office on the days ExH has DD overnight which is over an hour away – the other days I can wfh but it was set as my office days deliberately due to ExHs arrangement – so I can’t help and ExH has said his work rejected have rejected for him to finish in time to pick up DD from wraparound.

School will not allow anyone under the age of 18 to pick up, and won’t allow DD to leave on her own (Can leave alone from after easter of Year 5 if all PR holders and the school agree the child is sensible enough, they do not think DD is sensible enough yet which I agree with)

I know it’s not technically my problem but ExH will make it my problem, so how can we solve this which doesn’t involve me giving up my job (which was his solution last time there was a childcare issue on his day, he just didn’t sort it and I was expected to)?

For context this is the only day DD has any kind of wraparound care, the other days I wfh so she has activities and things she goes to, I however do pay for the wraparound as ExH says thats what CM is for and also it's my choice to send her so I can work 🙄

I'm sorry your ex is a dick and you have to deal with everything. I take it your DD thinks he's fabulous? Are you passing on the letters and reports etc? I wouldn't be doing that. You aren't his secretary.

I would go back to court if it gets it on the record to say that you want him to have his night and you want DD to have that but you can't facilitate it as he expects or give up your livelihood as he expects (why can you but not him).

God he sounds like the absolute worst. I am so sorry, what a complete twat.

You are honesty a saint for putting up with it, and well done you for leaving him!

@BusyMummy001 It runs everyday but from September they're closing at 4.45pm for Years 3-6 (unless they have a younger sibling at wraparound) and 5pm for Years R-2.

@historyrepeatz DD worships the ground he walks on honestly which is why I put up with so much. DD takes the letters and reports and gives them to him herself now, but I used to pass them on when she was younger.

Is there an extracurricular club that picks up from school that day, and whose timing works?

Then be the one to provide those details.

His day, his responsibility.

Do work have ldgal support as you are going to need it. If he won't pick up his child then you need to get his day changed. Can dd go with a friend's mum?

You're not doing yourself any favours by playing along with their game. Don't pass them on - return the second copy to school.

God he sounds awful, I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with him.

If the school is allowing students with younger siblings to stay later, could you try appealing to them for help?

Really let them know how stuck you are. Spell out that your ex is threatening to cut his contact with your daughter if wraparound care isn't an option, and that this could lead to you losing your job and being unable to provide for her. They don't have to help, but if they are already making allowances for some children there's no reason why they can't do the same for your daughter.

Let him do that then. That’s an extra 52 nights a year you have her, which he will need to pay extra for.

You are already having to arrange childcare and pay for it. You might as well have the CMS for it.

Ultimately it’s an EXH problem not a you problem and you should make this clear to both him and school.

Ask other parents in the local area if they have recommendations for childminders. Most won’t collect one day per week I expect but there may be someone who can help for example in our area I know of someone who works at a nursery and is getting a degree in childcare seeking experience with older children. She will be helping us with one day school pick up bringing them back to our house and entertaining them until get home from work. Cost works out the same.

Gosh, this is so true!

His behaviour is so sad.

What job does he do that he can just quit at the drop of a hat and then go back again when it suits. But he can’t get off an hour earlier once a week?

Interesting that the school is going backwards. Demand or not, from September 2026, the current government plan is that parents have wrap around care available to them from 8-6.

I would look for a local student who could pick her up from school and take her to your house until he picks her up. Do you know anyone with older teenagers who would do a regular babysitting job?

This! What does he do that he can quit but also where he’s so vital he can’t leave a bit earlier?

He sounds like such a dick, glad he’s your ex OP! Childminder would probably work, or explain the situation to the school and see if she can stay? If she has SEN & they know about this you’d hope they’d be supportive.

How old are your neighbours' teenage kids, and would one of them take her home and sit with her for a few quid each week?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe the school can overrule you if you say she is fit to leave school with a teenager, even if they are under 18.

Your ex sounds like a complete tosser.

I would go back to court. You shouldn’t have to be the one solving this.

I’m a single parent and I totally get the frustration but I don’t think that there is anything which you can do to make ex step up unfortunately.

I think that your options are going to be:

• childminder
• after school club of some sort
• friend’s parents
• ex’s parents
• allow dd to walk home to your house and sit with neighbours for 10 mins until you or ex get there
• taxi to your work
• change your job to wfh

It is utterly shit that men are allowed to abandon their responsibility like this.

Well that's an utter lie. You could put anyone's number on the contact forms!

Do nothing. If DD doesn't get picked up twice in a row then he doesn't get her overnight. You go back to court. Don't let him control you like this.

His parents kick up a fuss then they can sort the problem/pay for it. Grey rock.

You're going to have to explain to her in an age appropriate way that her dad is responsible for those days. If he doesn't turn up and she asks why, you say you don't know.

She will one day see that he's a shit dad. I did.

There is a new flexible working law introduced. He can make 2 flexible working requests a year and his work can only turn him down for 8 reasons (all listed on the government website I can't get it to link here)

Be worth while him trying again. Maybe working an extra half hour 2 days per week to finish an hour early that day or something.

Seriously, you're surrounded by paid child minders, who have been police vetted, and you don't know what to do?

Because they're only there to support working parents.

You go to the school child minding support to discuss - or you go back to court - or you find a (probably) teenage childminder who will look after your child.

Do you know any of the staff that might be able to do a slow walk home with her for a supermarket voucher or similar.

Please don't enable him.

If he wants contact he will sort a solution. If he isn't willing to do you really want to encourage your child to have a relationship with someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about her?

@Willyoujustbequiet My DD adores her dad, wishes to see him more, I will not be the reason he tells her she doesn't see him in the week anymore

No you won't be the reason - he will.