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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be ok with Dh taking dc on a flight for the first time

107 replies

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 11:53

Without you, for 3 days, my dc is 5, never flown before, never been away from each other overnight.
I’m not sure about it

OP posts:
princesspadam · 05/06/2024 12:17

I do wonder how some people navigate life!

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 12:19

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Its not another culture, I can’t go as I’m in the early stages of pregnancy after many losses, I don’t want to risk anything

OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/06/2024 12:21

I'm taking my 6 year old away on a plane for 4 days without dh. Dh hasn't taken him on a plane, but he has taken him 7 hours away on a trip (by car) without me for several days. I also took ds away on a place for several days when he was a baby without dh.

Realistically, no I wouldn't be worried about him being so far away from me with dh. They'll be fine. I would be a bit nervous about the plane, because I am a nervous flier! But given I've taken him away on planes myself, which seems less scary because I'm the one doing it, I can't really say I'd be uncomfortable. I'd be nervous until I knew they were safely landed though.

Dryplate · 05/06/2024 12:23

I might be a bit sad about not being there to witness her first flight, but would be completely happy for DH to travel with and care for DC for 3 days.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 05/06/2024 12:24

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 11:58

It’s not about Dh, he’s perfectly capable. It’s about her being away from me for 3 nights and days in a new place, would she be go ok?

Of course she will, he's her parent.

museumum · 05/06/2024 12:26

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 12:19

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Its not another culture, I can’t go as I’m in the early stages of pregnancy after many losses, I don’t want to risk anything

Yes, I’d absolutely miss him. But I’d be ok. And no, I wouldn’t be worried.

GerbilsForever24 · 05/06/2024 12:26

I think you're being a little paranoid and worrying too much but if you've never had a night away from her I can understand your concern. It will be fine, of course. But sure, she might be a bit unsettled becuase she's not used to it. But that's not really a bad thing - a good learning for both her and DH.

LunaBunaD · 05/06/2024 12:26

I'd miss them of course, but I totally wouldn't stand in the way. It would be a me problem. I'd get over it.

DragonGypsyDoris · 05/06/2024 12:26

Think about your husband and daughter having a great time away. Stop making it about you.

DreadPirateRobots · 05/06/2024 12:27

I'd miss my child, but I'd also enjoy the break. I wouldn't be worried because there would be nothing to be worried about.

SpringerFall · 05/06/2024 12:30

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 12:19

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Its not another culture, I can’t go as I’m in the early stages of pregnancy after many losses, I don’t want to risk anything

Miss yes, worry no it's not about me

CorylusAgain · 05/06/2024 12:33

Of course parents (fathers as well as mothers) miss their dc when they're away from them. And as you will be away from your dd for the first time I understand you may feel anxious.
I have been a single parent to my dd since her birth and she was 5 when she first stayed away from me. I was anxious before hand because it was an entirely unknown experience but it went brilliantly.
Your dd will be with her other parent. A parent she has lived with all her life. She will be fine.

VeniceVentura · 05/06/2024 12:38

You're projecting your upset on not seeing DC for a few days onto her.

She'll be fine. Totally.

Don't make her miss out because you'll miss her.

FrenchandSaunders · 05/06/2024 12:39

As she hasn't spent a night away from you in 5 years I'd take it as a great opportunity to change that.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 05/06/2024 12:39

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 12:19

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Its not another culture, I can’t go as I’m in the early stages of pregnancy after many losses, I don’t want to risk anything

My DC went with GPs to Italy for a week when youngest was 4.

Yes I missed them.
No I didn't worry as completely trust my parents.

Shelby1981 · 05/06/2024 12:41

I would miss my child, sure, and tbh I'd probably also feel sad that I didn't get to be on their first flight with them - just to see their excitement etc! Not that I'd tell them that and spoil it for them. But worry, not really, DH is also his parent and capable?

DappledThings · 05/06/2024 12:42

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Worrying and missing are totally different things. I'd miss her, I wouldn't be worried. Nor would I send her away to another country with another family member but with her own dad of course it's fine

AuntieMarys · 05/06/2024 12:42

I'd relish the break! Dh took ds to Oz when he was 8. They had a blast

DelurkingAJ · 05/06/2024 12:44

Miss DC, of course. But I’d see this as the start of her being a little less dependent on you. Otherwise you’ll be the one whose DC can’t cope with a one night school residential in Y4 and she’ll miss out on so many things.

CelesteCunningham · 05/06/2024 12:48

I wouldn't worry about the DC for a second if they were away with DH, he's their parent, same as me. Is your partner not very involved in the day to day parenting?

I took DD away by myself at 4 to visit family, her first flight. DH was slightly envious he was missing the excitement, but no other issues.

DJSteves · 05/06/2024 12:49

Tomisstheolddays · 05/06/2024 12:19

Would no one else be worried and miss their child 🙈maybe I have issues, I still see 5 as young to be away from me for that long in another country. If something happened I couldn’t be there
Its not another culture, I can’t go as I’m in the early stages of pregnancy after many losses, I don’t want to risk anything

Miss my child yes. Worried that are with a competent parent who is more than capable. No

SpringleDingle · 05/06/2024 12:52

Why not, she is with her Dad? I am separated from my exH and he has been having our DD on his own in his new house since she was 7. I also used to travel for work from when DD was 2 and she stayed home with her Dad 2, 3 or even 5 nights. It was tough (single parenting is) but they survived and whilst pleased to see me back, my DD was never upset that I'd gone.

Edited to add that of course I miss her. I miss her now she is 13 as much, or maybe more, than I did when she was 3. I chat to her on the phone and hug her a lot when she gets back.

W0tnow · 05/06/2024 12:54

She’ll have a lovely time. She’ll be fine. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Piddypigeon · 05/06/2024 12:55

I don't understand the question. Why wouldn't you (I assume he is their dad)? What an odd question.

MangshorJhol · 05/06/2024 12:56

Miss yes. But by this time I would have always been away on work for up to 2-3 nights and DH for longer. Has your DH been away from home? Presumably your DC has also been in school so isn't around you 24/7. As long as DH is competent I wouldn't worry at all. I might miss them, and the whole adventure but I wouldn't be worried. For the record DH first took DC1 on a flight without me at about 2 to see the parents (I was at a conference), and since then has taken one or both away without me.

Also 3 nights is not long- it's an extended weekend yes? For a little baby with no sense of time that might be long but not for a five year old.