Feeling sad about creche

[mumspiration1997]

Aibu to send my 9 month old to creche 8minutes away from home for 1 day and 1 half day. Probably a total of 10 hours a week?

I don't work but my husband works 7 days farmer and I have an older child (who went to creche at 6months while I worked) is at school now. Money isn't really an issue to an extent.

DC is due to start in a week or so and the guilt is consuming me I can hardly sleep or eat.

My husband says it will be good for him to socialise but I feel so bad as I'm not at work.

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

Part of me feels like I'll actually get a day to do housework and catch up on life admin and maybe get to do something special with my older child each week .

But the guilt is eating me. I don't know the creche very well as it's a different area as to where my older child went. Perhaps that isn't helping.

Aibu? Should I send DC or keep at home?

You don’t have to send him if it doesn’t feel right. 9 month old babies don’t need to socialise anyway.

Nine months does seem a bit young if you don't need it for childcare? Who arranged this and why?

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

No, motherhood isn’t about choosing hardship in the face of solutions. It’s about ensuring you have the best wellbeing you can to provide for your family as a whole.

I wonder if your husband is pressing you to do this as he is actually feeling some guilt around not being there to support you more himself?

Will be over 10 months by the time it comes. It was just arrange because we thought it was time going and so that I'd get a break really. We have no family support nearby and wouldn't be keen on a babysitter on weekends that we didn't know. But now that it's happening I'm a bit nervous

It's just I look after 2 x elderly relatives and I spend a lot of the day cooking cleaning etc for them and I feel like I'm not getting enough time teaching and bringing to baby classes etc. Also parenting 12 hours a day with no help and everything else has me drained. I haven't got my hair cut or been to the dentist in a year.

If it doesn’t feel right then don’t send him. One day a week isn’t much for a baby to settle and your DH is wrong as 9 months old don’t need to ‘socialise’.

I was extremely fortunate. My PIL had my fist son a day a week from when he was 6 months whilst I was on maternity leave and it was amazing. I know that’s different from a nursery but that time to just breathe was invaluable.

You sound like you have a lot on your plate.

Instead of paying for childcare, maybe you'd be better off paying for a cleaner or meal delivery service for all this food you're having to cook. Or getting carers for the elderly relatives.

Well yes this sort of is the case? He runs a large farm alone and I also have to help. There's not much else he can do to be fair

Motherhood is not being a martyr

It's up to you but thus 'I am a mother so I can't be away from my baby for a second' is weird

So lucky. Wish I had this.

To be honest if you send him to nursery then youll have less time than you think because they end up catching soooo many bugs and viruses and they are constantly unwell.
I would keep him at home personally, unless you are really struggling. They don't need to socialise at this age and you could maybe take him to a stay and play/baby group if you were worried about that?
It depends how much you want that time to yourself but I'm just warning you that your life might be harder when your kid starts catching all these viruses that are rife in nurseries.

I would be fully inclined to agree with you normally and fully had this attitude with the older child. Took my day off to myself and them in daycare. Feel different 10 years on and a bit guilty 😔

It sounds like you really need a break, so why not give it a go? You need to look after yourself to be able to look after others.

Would it be worth paying for carers for these relatives so it's not all on you??
Your baby is priority here.

They need carers not you to have to do that !

Cancel helping them , cancel crèche and book some nice baby classes

Hadn't thought of this. We are already knee deep with school bugs 🐛 😳

Yeah...maybe I should do both. I'm wrecked and really feel like I'm gonna book a weekend home by myself and spend it in a spa and the pub 🙃 😅

He really does not need to socialise for at least another year. If you feel you need a break that’s another matter. But if money isn’t the issue I’d buy in some extra help and make time to take your baby out to rhyme times, baby groups etc. Presumably the crèche is during the school day, so it won’t enable you to spend time with your older child anyway?

One final thing - I’d definitely not be sending him to a crèche that you hardly know anything about.

Ahh it's a very long story. I'm not from the area I live and these are grandparents of mine who are from here and I have partly inherited and partly bought farm outbuildings land acres etc.

It's very awkward but this agreement was me helping them. They also have private carers and overnight stays etc it's not all on me but I have to milk calves look after husband look after children we have an airbnb to manage there isn't enough hours in the day.

Don’t feel any guilt if it’s what you need. Very few know the actual brutal reality of farm work.

However if you’re not ready to be apart from your baby couldn’t your husband take on a farm hand a couple days a week and get himself a day off a week? It’s not good for him to work every day of the year. I come from a long line of farmers so I understand the challenges and constant pressure, but both of you need time for your own mental health, and you need time together as a couple and a family.

Yes well I will try and get extra help sorted. I do feel I need a break. The creche goes onto 6pm and other child finishes 2pm. I was thinking more when other child off on summer holidays

@mumspiration1997 it is clear that you have posted to seek validation for wanting to send your 9 month old to the crèche. This is obviously something you feel you need. There is no shame in that, you don’t have to justify it! I was a lone parent and stayed off work for the full year with ds, by month ten I was finding it draining and not enjoying it at all. He went at 12 months for three days a week and I can’t say he started to enjoy it until around 14 months or so… BUT it was the right decision overall because I was on my knees with exhaustion. I was a much better mother when he stated nursery three days. You know what you want and need to do and what will make you the best mother - that’s always the right thing to do. These things are flexible anyway… if you send them and two months later you can’t bare it then take them out. But it will be fine. So here is the permission you are after. Have confidence in your decisions.

Do you have anyone helping with milking?