Feeling sad about creche

[mumspiration1997]

Aibu to send my 9 month old to creche 8minutes away from home for 1 day and 1 half day. Probably a total of 10 hours a week?

I don't work but my husband works 7 days farmer and I have an older child (who went to creche at 6months while I worked) is at school now. Money isn't really an issue to an extent.

DC is due to start in a week or so and the guilt is consuming me I can hardly sleep or eat.

My husband says it will be good for him to socialise but I feel so bad as I'm not at work.

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

Part of me feels like I'll actually get a day to do housework and catch up on life admin and maybe get to do something special with my older child each week .

But the guilt is eating me. I don't know the creche very well as it's a different area as to where my older child went. Perhaps that isn't helping.

Aibu? Should I send DC or keep at home?

This.

I would absolutely be putting him in a crèche for 1.5 days a week.
Do it for your sanity if nothing else.

10 months is a completely fine age for your child to go to a crèche. And it’s only a day and a half. Don’t feel guilty. Do what you need to do. You have a lot on your plate. Mine went at six months. That was completely normal when my children were young.

It's absolutely fine to send him if you need a break, BUT, I did similar with dc1 when she was 18mo and found it to be more hassle than it was worth.

I'd actually look into someone coming to help in the house, with cleaning and a bit of childcare if you can find them. You definitely need more help as you sound incredibly busy

I'll just say that if you're only sending them for a few hours a week they find it harder to settle than those who are going for longer each week. I was a SAHM and sent my son two mornings a week only, just because I needed a little time to do chores. He never settled. He never got used to it and hated it! However this could be due to his temperament as well.
You could always try it for a few months. If it's a disaster, you can stop.

That's what I think. Separation anxiety is stronger as they get older. Better to start now.

I'm a SAHM and sent my kids to nursery from age 1.5 and 2. I see no problem with it. Younger one still attends nursery and was going 9-3 five days a week until recently but now goes four days a week. He enjoys it and I get some guaranteed time to myself (husband is away a minimum of two full days a week, 5am one day until 10pm the following day, but often away more than that).

Do whatever works for you. When I was little I didn't go to nursery but my grandparents helped out a lot. We sadly don't have that luxury for our kids so nursery has been the answer! In fact, tried sending youngest 'only' 3 days a week for a total of 15 hours to begin with but it meant it took him almost a full year to settle, so we increased the days to make it easier on him and it worked :)

Edited to say please ignore my unfortunate username 🙈 it's an in-joke and I forgot I'd changed to that yesterday before posting now!! It's not any kind of dig at any mums on this thread

Baby doesn't need crèche at 10 months old. But it sounds like you need baby to be in crèche for your own mental health and there is nothing wrong with that! I think if you own it for what it is - baby needs to be in crèche to help the whole family function better - you might feel better about it. 1.5 days in crèche won't be in any way bad for baby, and it will be good for you and the larger family.

Try it out and see how baby gets on, and how much difference it makes to you all.

Don’t feel guilty!
on top of doing all the housework and looking after kids and relatives, you are also managing air b n b and helping out with farm so you are working - your just jot getting the pay check…
I also felt guilty sending my LO to nursery at 1 even though I was going out to paid work as I also had no one nearby who could help.
but it’s been great. And I’ll admit there is the occasional day I have off when I still send little one into nursery so I can get the housework done.
one and a half days is not so much.
so if it’s something you want to try go for it, you don’t have to commit if it doesn’t work out.
but you also don’t have to go ahead if it doesn’t feel right to you. Just don’t feel bad. It’s ok.
just do what’s best for you and good luck x

Send to creche as planned if when your older child is back to school in September you still not comfortable take him out then.
Think your older child would like the baby free day. Hard get 10 yo things done with a baby.
Maybe unusual but I never felt guilty about creche my kids started about 6 months. Even when I worked 4 day weeks they preferred going in rather than going around getting jobs done with me.

You ARE working . You are managing the guest house, helping with farm stuff, looking after relatives.
You aren't sending him so you can get your nails done. You are WORKING.

FwIW... I send mine at 16 months and 20 months. I was a SAHM but DH was deployed with the Army. That was exhausting enough.

I second this. The people saying don't do it while simultaneously saying don't be a martyr, seem to be overlooking the fact OP clearly needs a break and given her circumstances it's sounds like without the creche she has no chance of doing so. The poor woman doesn't need guilt inducing comments about DC age etc.

I agree with this too! Others seem to be focused on offloading other responsibilities, and spending 24/7 with baby when OP is saying loud and clear she needs a break!

Why would you feel bad? I am sending mine for two mornings a week and dont feel any guilt. Time to yourself is very important. No need to be a mummy Martyr.If I don't have time to myself I become very stressed and shouty.

Nothing wrong with sending them if she wasn't working either.

Personally I wouldn't do that at 9 months

Your husband is confused babies don't need to socialise, they ideally need to be with their family

Do you have any help from parents or in laws?

It isn't also okay if a mother was to have a breakdown and harm her child because she needed a break.

I mean, this yes

It sounds harsh but it's true

Exactly. And different things suit different families. I was a stay at home. Neither of my younger two kids went to any sort of nursery or pre-school. We never went to many baby groups or play groups either. I got judged a lot for that! I had all sorts of advice that they’d never settle in school, have no social skills etc. All nonsense, they did settle , had lots of friends and are now fully rounded young adults.

Honestly I feel so unbelievably fortunate to have them.

We used nurseries from that age. I agree with posters saying that at that age although the childcare can be fine, safe etc, it doesn’t benefit the DC, and DC is likely to get frequent bugs etc.

but there are many other considerations, and it sounds like you need the time.

It’s not good that you’re not seeing the dentist, getting hair cut etc. your health and wellbeing is important.

This is a lot of demands on you. It reads to me that you are actually working but just not formally needing childcare but the amount you do suggests you do need some childcare. Because you suggest Creche I think you might be in Ireland. Could you consider a childminder? Maybe informally a friend who might want some money. All of my childminders were other school mums and very informal arrangements. It might work better on limiting the Creche bugs.

To be frank, i wouldn't, 9 month old babies don't socialise, would be better to go to a parent and toddler group once or twice a week.

I'd pay for carers/a housekeeper pt for the relatives instead

Would you like a steel toe cap for the end of your boot?

Creche at a young age does no harm to the child. It releases time for the mum to do things for herself and keep herself healthy. Not all of those things like the hair cut can be outsourced, so freeing up childcare time is often more practical than alternatives such as cleaners. If OP just needs a chunk of a day for running errands or even picking up a book or having a nap, that is fine and healthy. Baby still has a secure relationship and majority of time with mum.

We're not socially conditioned to be sole carer of babies/ young children 24/7. Before paid professional childcare was avaliable, babies would be supervised casually by children, neighbours or family. Having babies napping in the pram in the garden was a way of giving mum a short break. I'm not promoting that, but it was the reality of getting through the demands of life.

I've watched my children's peers growing up and there's no obvious spectrum you can order them in from time spent with mum in the early years if you didn't know what their childcare arrangement was.

OP, book the creche. It's a bit scary to begin with but it quickly settles and having that bit of time for yourself is precious. I had a random job opportunity come up at that stage so DS2 suddenly ended up going 3 days per week with 2 weeks notice. It went smoothly despite still being EBF (he took enough food by day and caught up on milk by night). I'd already put DS1 in at the same stage. That was booked with the intention of supply teaching but work was thin on the ground so just became a very useful breathing space/ errands day.