Feeling sad about creche

[mumspiration1997]

Aibu to send my 9 month old to creche 8minutes away from home for 1 day and 1 half day. Probably a total of 10 hours a week?

I don't work but my husband works 7 days farmer and I have an older child (who went to creche at 6months while I worked) is at school now. Money isn't really an issue to an extent.

DC is due to start in a week or so and the guilt is consuming me I can hardly sleep or eat.

My husband says it will be good for him to socialise but I feel so bad as I'm not at work.

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

Part of me feels like I'll actually get a day to do housework and catch up on life admin and maybe get to do something special with my older child each week .

But the guilt is eating me. I don't know the creche very well as it's a different area as to where my older child went. Perhaps that isn't helping.

Aibu? Should I send DC or keep at home?

Instead of paying for childcare, maybe you'd be better off paying for a cleaner or meal delivery service for all this food you're having to cook. Or getting carers for the elderly relatives.

This - it sounds like you need a bit more help & time but there are lots of ways you can get that that do not have to mean you guiltily putting a baby in nursery.

A parent and toddler group may be enjoyable but it would also be yet another thing on OP's very long list of things to accomplish.

She needs time. Childcare is a very practical way to get that.

OP both of mine were FT in nursery from 10 months and I have zero regrets. Obviously at that age it doesn't benefit them as such, but it doesn't harm them either. And then they're settled and happy when they get to the age that the socialisation is genuinely good for them.

You've said money isn't particularly an issue, so actually I'd do the nursery AND a cleaner at the very least if you can. You'll burn out otherwise.

Just listen to your gut - do you actually want a break from dc? Maybe what you need is a break from your elderly relatives.

Hmm I understand the no time thing because I am similar, but I also wouldn’t be keen sending them unless I had to. Ten months is young when you are home from the viewpoint also of the previous poster that mentioned all the sickness might derail your free time. I think the suggestion of a cleaner instead is an excellent one! But also importantly it does sound like you don’t fully want to send them and you don’t actually have to! It dosent make you a bad parent to send them but it might not be the break you are hoping for either!

With regard to help, given the exam season is pretty much over, would he consider some farm hand help esp for the cows & hay /harvest, thus relieving you? My eldest worked on a farm from her last exam right up to the second term of Uni. She'd have gone back to it if the land hadn't been sold for houses.

Likewise is there any older teenagers about to help with the AirBNB cleaning / turnaround etc

My baby went to creche a few hours a week since she was 5 months(now she's 10 months), they were really kind and she loved it!
I would get out and get some work done (and see other adults!) instead of molding at home all day in pjs and we still managed to have plenty of time together.
Happens to be she loves people and socialising - not sure if that's because of creche or because DH is super sociable...

I don't work

Haven't read the replies and irrelevant to your post I know, but I'll say it anyway.

You do work.

If you were employed by a person/company as a carer, cleaner, chef, gardener, admin, general Jack of all trades, or whatever terms are used now, then plus some, you'd receive a wage, there's a chance you do one or more of those things you just don't receive the wage.

Give it a try. There is massive societal guilt put on mothers. If you don't like it or baby doesn't settle pull them out. Your well being matters too. Whilst babies don't need it, some do well in a crèche settling.

Babies don't need to socialise. I'd take no notice of that argument. But it sounds like you'd really value a bit of time for yourself. And I think you should prioritise that before anything. So go for it and stand firm against any challenge. It isn't that much time a week, they'll be fine.

If money isn’t tight, then 1.5 days in childcare sounds great, especially if you have a lot on your plate.

you might be managing but going a year without a haircut and the dentist means you’re probably not doing a lot of other things for yourself too.

looking after your family includes taking care of yourself

if your husband works long hours that means most other things fall to you and life shouldn’t be hard/stressful all the time

also getting your baby used to childcare sooner rather than later will be easier for them

There's nothing wrong with getting time for yourself.

Dont feel guilty and don't let anyone else make you feel guilty.

You are a person too.

I think it will be great for your DC / socialising with other children and adults, new activities , learning , etc. also a break for you - a great opportunity for both .

Do it. You will feel renewed. You cannot keep pouring from an empty cup and there are no rewards in life for nobly enduring.

@CrispieCake 👌

I expect he's pressing you to do this as it's good for you as well as baby. You need to put yourself first. No motherhood is not supposed to be all consuming obsession.

You don’t need to use a crèche/nursery for socialisation/learning at this age. Under 1s (and to a large extent under 2s) just need a trusted caregiver.
But it sounds like you need some childcare in order to work (you are absolutely working by helping on the farm, running an air bnb and caring for relatives - even if only in addition to carers). You also have a husband with a very demanding all consuming vocation and no village to help you. So I’d say go for it.
At this age though, I’d personally go for 3 half days instead of a full day plus half. You’re still his primary carer and 8-6 is a lot of time to be away from you. 3 occasions will also be great for his routine, but shorter duration means less stressful for him.

Maaaate. Your husband works 7 days a week, and you have 2 kids, so no doubt you’re doing all the childcare and everything else. You say you’re not ‘at work’ but that’s a lot of unpaid work you’re doing, probably 7 days a week with very little support. I don’t think you should feel guilty about sending baby to childcare. They will be fine, and you need some space. I just hope you manage to carve out a bit of the day and a half for yourself, not just for housework and admin.

I understand I was the same decided to have a career break and had longer off! I have sent some of mine at 6 months but was too young I think looking back and the illnesses were horrendous
I sent most of mine at 2-2.5 and worked much better I was lucky as able to work around them
if it doesn’t feel right then wait until it does!!