Mum talking about other people's illnesses

[CheeseDreamsTonight]

God I sound so unkind even typing this out. I chat to my mum daily, nice chit chats about all sorts, daily check in etc. Lately however she has started telling me about other people's illnesses in detail every time I speak to her. I don't know any of these people. I don't think she even knows most of them.

AIBU to find this quite draining? I am sad for the families of these people but I don't know any of them. Nor does she. I don't know what I want from this thread really.

Do people do this as they get older? I suppose so many people they know are ill. I think she likes telling me about it but it's so hard to listen to.

My mum does this. She doesn't understand most of the illnesses she is discussing and will say things like "she's got thyroid". She hears it from her friend.

She knows the people she's talking about but I don't, and I'd really rather not hear it.

I would never tell her anything medical because she would tell everyone.

My mother in law does this. It’s a combination of being a busy body, nothing else exciting happening in her friends’ lives and an ever increasing awareness that age is creeping up. When I first met her 25 years ago all she went on about was who had a new kitchen and how much better and more successful other people’s adult children were. She never had anything positive to say and was never happy on other people’s behalf. So if someone’s daughter married a multinillionaire, she’d outline all they had and then finish with a whole chapter on how lonely she must be as he travels a lot and what a shame it was that they live in the south of France away from her mother.

What you are hearing here is a projection of your mother’s fears of illness and death. Give her something else to worry about - get a tattoo, become a lesbian, get arrested. Or maybe have a soft conversation about how this isn’t doing her any good and ask her how’s she’s feeling and if she is worried about anything. Have a nice day out. Send lots of pictures of the kids if you have any. Get her a cat.

I think older people do this. Thank god my mum didn't.

I agree I think it’s an age thing. My mum doesn’t but my grandma (79-yo) is constantly telling me what illnesses all the neighbours have and who’s recently died in the village. It’s so morbid. Just don’t engage and try and change the subject as often as you can.

My in laws are similar - they list out all the local deaths when we visit. I nod sympathetically a lot!

My grandma does this.
I know more about other people’s bowels than my own.

Also the other day she was talking about my birthday and said “ and yours is the last one. There isn’t one after that”
I was confused and then she said “ because she’s dead!”
Oh. ok.

My mum does this and it gets worse with age. Tells me about people I’ve never met two or three times removed.

“You've not met the neighbours that just moved into the house with the pond. Well their daughter’s husband (insert illness)…”

Oh thank goodness for you all! You've made me feel better! I feel guilty trying to change the subject but I just don't need to know about the neighbour's cousins uncle.

She also ends every story with 'isn't it just awful? It's everywhere at the moment.' I don't know how to respond.

Reminds me of Peter Kay’s…

”guess whose died” 😱😂

I think some older people are preoccupied with illness and death.

She sounds a bundle of fun not.
Tell her to.lighten up and tell a few jokes.

I think it is an age thing. My neighbours are mostly retired and 70+ and they warned DH and I about “sniper’s alley” aka your 50s/60s that we are getting closer to. Apparently that is when you start to lose a lot of friends your age due to cancer, heart disease, stroke, suicide. They do seem to feel like death is right around the corner and they are watching old friends slowly being picked off. I can understand why they would want to talk about it as it seems a way to process their own mortality.

I'd stick in some headphones and get on with tidying whilst making "hmm"
"Oh no" "has she seen anyone" type noises

OP- If you are speaking to her daily, maybe she doesn't have much else to talk about! You'd need to have a packed in day to have something different and exciting to talk about each and every day! My mum is mid 70's and would rarely bring up someones illness, unless a close family member that I knew and it was a known issue.
My MIL occasionally brings up others health with DH. He can't stand it as hates anything medical. Its not helped by her also saying things wrong- they have The CoviT, I read it on 'What's It' and they also have sugars! 🙄

This is spot on. In my head I read the second paragraph in the style of Baz Lurhman's song Everybody's free to wear sunscreen 😬

Agree it gets worse with age, I get a run down on illnesses and funerals of people who mum met once at a church do , 40 years ago...you get the gist.

@PassingStranger believe it or not she is a fun person and quite young at heart, which is why this sudden habit of illness stories sticks out as a bit weird.

@CJ0374 yes I think this may be a fair point, although we do just sometimes natter about what we're doing pottering about, reminiscing, chuckling about TV programmes etc so it's not always a serious chat. Maybe she is space filling. She does seem to bring it up quite early in the conversation though.

Yes my mum does it. I know lots of medical info re her neighbours. I think it’s just a topic of conversation as they are all elderly and it’s a big part of their lives and then she relays to me.

@longdistanceclaraclara I think this is exactly what's weird. She's mostly never met them or met them once when she was a child. Maybe it is a mortality thing

Is she Irish? . My Irish parents and older relatives seem to mainly discuss illnesses and deaths. I don’t even know most of the people they tell me in depth about. Mary nextdoir’s brother’s wife died last week <whisper ‘cancer’> and the funeral is on Tuesday. Right. Thanks for that info, Mum

😂😂

@StateOHer no but she does exactly the same! Run down of illness, shock at what they died of, funeral details, buffet information afterwards.

I have absolutely no time for this sort of retiree-boredom chat.