How do you see your dad's partner?

[gardentimeofyear]

My mum passed away 8 years ago and dad has a new partner who's lived with him for a couple of years.
I visited dad over the weekend for a bbq and catch up along with my DD's who are in their late 20s and naturally she was there too as she lives there, she's ok I suppose and dad's happy.

She posted a picture of me and my grown children on fb and said enjoying time with family.

This has made me so angry because I don't see her as family my dad is my family and my mum was but this woman is not and I had no idea she thought she was.
Aibu or can you just assume a place in someone else's family.
She's 76 and trying to be a step mother/grandmother.
I don't want anyone to see her as family especially not herself.

How would you feel if one of your grown up daughters had a partner whose family refused to accept them as part of the family?

My dad's partner is a horrible, controlling, narcissistic bitch. So that's how I see her.

I wish every day that she would win the lottery and fuck off with another man, or get run over by a bus. Anything to get her out of our lives because my dad cannot/will not leave her and she's come between what was once a really close knit family.

I know that's not what you asked but that was cathartic to type out!

When your mum dies, and someone ventures into what would’ve been her turf, it’s tough. I have a widowed dad, and he has a long term partner.

My dad has referred to her as my DC’s GM, but she’s not, and I’ve told him that. This is not only undermining my mum, but also my MIL. I think it’s disrespectful, and I won’t have anyone disrespecting my dead mum. Also, whilst my MIL is not my favourite person, she is a lovely GM and she cherishes her GM status and I won’t disrespect her either.

My Dad’s partner is just that, <name> my dad’s partner.

Does she have any DC herself or DGC? Maybe she’s just trying to be nice. However, I’d be referring to her by her name, and have my DC do the same, and if anyone started referring to her as GM I’d put them straight.

You can’t compare it to getting a SIL or MIL. It’s not a natural order of things. I absolutely hate having a step mum figure. I’m an adult and I don’t want an older woman, of no relation to me (as far as I am concerned my MIL is my relation now) sticking her oar in with me and my dad.

You are getting a bashing on here op , unfairly imo. I lost my mum 4 years ago and my dad has been nothing but selfish and disrespectful in his decisions since.
Your dads partner does sound like she cares about you but I can understand how triggering comments can be , even if they are meant well. X

@CandiedPrincess YOU replied to me, I was speaking to someone else. It's completely unreasonable for you to expect me to know about your personal life when you are a stranger from the interwebs and even if I did I would stand by my opinion. If you can't or won't reply to the actual content of my previous post then it's best we leave this here. Have a nice evening friend 👍🏽

The op isn't interfering with her dads life. If anything it's the other way around.

It’s quite simple that she views you as family because your dad is her family.
Whilst i agree it’s difficult when you’re still grieving your mother you really should give yourself a grown up adult shake and remember she’s not trying to take your mums place, she’s likely nervous about stepping on toes. In the kindest way possible, try and be mature about it, your OP sounds incredibly childish.

You're being desperately cruel to her and your poor dad. He lost his wife just as much as you lost your mum.

You'd probably benefit from counselling. Please don't make her feel like this. I think it's on the verge of bullying.

My step dad entered my life when I was 18 so I don't see him as a father figure as I was too old really for that; but I immediately accepted him as family because it would have been cruel not to.

My DF died suddenly when i was young and it still breaks my heart when I think back to the grief my DM felt when overnight she became a widow and solo parent.

Perhaps this is uncharitable of me, but I do find it self indulgent when people who have lost parents as adults can't find it in themselves to show compassion and support to their widowed parent. If I could do that as a bereaved child then why can't you?