To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

I know more than one person in good health who died less than a year into retirement so I would enjoy as much time as possible. Its nice to help out but as a young adult it's up to your children to make their own way. I had £20 parent contribution to uni and 0 to my home purchase instead I worked 2 (sometimes 3) jobs to set myself up in life

If you each have 50K a year and no mortgage, why don't you give her the money this year?

Why does he need to keep this years salary, but not next year's?

Think you might be getting your generations muddled up, it’s quite clearly a millennial the OP is talking about funding.

Yes I agree with this, a relative has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, they had plans to retire next year but won’t live to see the end of this summer.

It has hit both DH and I hard and we now aim to put things in place to allow us to retire as early as possible. Our DC will have savings that we currently have in place for them but tbh they have to make their own way. DH and I bought a flat while both students with no help from parents, obviously it will be harder for the DC by the time they are old enough (I would assume anyway) but they will find a way. I won’t make my plans based on providing them financial assistance.

My grandfather died at 60 of a myocardial infarction (heart attack) and my mother in law (70 in August) has been given 6-12 months (cancer). Nobody knows how long they will have and if they want to retire and can afford to then that is their choice. I’m a millennial and my boomer parents owe me nothing. They raised me to be a responsible hard working adult who can stand on my own two feet when they are no longer there. That was where their responsibility ended.

I would definitely do this for my children especially as it so difficult to get on the ladder but I wouldn't expect from anyone else.

Similar here - two of my DH’s best friends died a few years ago at 53yo , one from an incurable brain tumour and the other by a hit n run driver high on drugs and alcohol. At the time my DH had cancerous polyps removed and was diagnosed with a blood disorder that required weekly visits to hospital for 18m, and will continue 1-3monthly for the rest of his life. Much as we love our kids, who are not yet independent, we are now prioritising DH (and me, a bit) in future planning. And trying to spend a little more on ourselves with mini breaks now!

If a (single?) 20-25yo DD is had her education (possibly gone to uni) and is now working, the parents in this case have done enough - more than enough - to set her up. She needs to step up and take responsibility for her own financial planning if she wants to get on the property ladder.

Our job as parents is to raise independent kids. If you put money away I’d get it but to extend work for an able bodied adult is mad. If we floated this idea with ours they would be appalled.

My dad took (very) early retirement. He lived in a quiet village with nothing going on and no stimulation. My mum continued working and resented him doing nothing. He lost contact with loads of his old colleagues. He didn't have the confidence to do anything else. He was bored out of his brain and lonely and tried to pretend he wasn't, and he developed dementia by 68 and was dead by 74. I know it wasn't the only reason, but I am convinced it contributed massively.

I don't know what your DH is like as a person, but unless he has active structured retirement plans, I would advise against it.

(I appreciate I have said nothing about the daughter/flat thing so sorry about that!)

Maybe he could retire and you could use your wages to help with your child’s deposit especially as it’s your idea 😊

How is that ageist ffs. People working until they’re 70 will mean less jobs for younger people (I say that as someone likely to need to work into my 70s). I’m not suggesting 59yos shouldn’t work, I’m showing the other side of the argument. Even if someone older took this specific job, someone younger is likely to get moved up the ladder as a ripple affect. The op wants him to keep working to benefit a younger person… I was just suggesting his leaving could do the same, just a different younger person.

some people are quick to read the worst of every post. In no way was I suggesting he wasn’t able to do his job due to his age ffs.

It's also a pretty safe bet that a daughter who's willing to steal a year or more of her father's life to make hers easier will not be doing any caregiving later in life.

But @greedisunappealing nowhere is it suggested that the OP’s DC is asking her DF to do that - it’s the OP’s suggestion alone! Who has a better grip on economic realities and a very normal wish to improve her offspring’s security and social standing.

I wouldn't do it if you asked me to.

Thank you for saying 59 is very young.

How is that ageist ffs. People working until they’re 70 will mean less jobs for younger people (I say that as someone likely to need to work into my 70s). I’m not suggesting 59yos shouldn’t work, I’m showing the other side of the argument. Even if someone older took this specific job, someone younger is likely to get moved up the ladder as a ripple affect. The op wants him to keep working to benefit a younger person… I was just suggesting his leaving could do the same, just a different younger person.
some people are quick to read the worst of every post. In no way was I suggesting he wasn’t able to do his job due to his age ffs.

It's quite a leap you've made though. OP posted about her family, not random younger people, so I find your point odd/irrelevant. And yes I do see ageism in your suggestion that his retiring could benefit a younger person. Why is that inherently better than an older person continuing to reap the benefits of his/her job?

Where did I say that was better? Just that the outcome of him leaving was likely to benefit someone younger. I’m not very young myself!

We gave ours a lump sum for deposit deposit 5 years ago. One bought straight away but the other still rents as hasn't been settled in a particular place until now.

@YouHaveAnArse absolutely. Totally agree with you. But I do think a lot of that is because people don’t want to be tied down when younger. Far more now (of the young people I have experienced) take years out, choose to rent, don’t want to work all hours and overtime that I did when young. I’m always surprised how many young people nowadays ask to reduce their hours. They definitely favour work/life balance more. I do appreciate how hard it is but you can get comparable mortgages that we could many years ago as a 1st time buyer which requires less deposit. And interest was 12.5% for us so much higher than now.

@TeenLifeMum I actually think we could end up with the opposite problem - we have drastically falling birthrates and fewer and fewer young people to take on essential jobs - whilst the aging population is healthier and living longer. We could end up in a situation where we do not have enough nurses and doctors to treat our elderly/infirm, not enough junior staff to learn the ropes requiring people to be financially enticed to stay in work well into their 60’s, maybe 70’s if it’s on a part-time basis.

Automation may help with physical jobs older people cannot do - bin men, pothole fillers, certain construction jobs, but we are actually going to end up with not enough young healthy builders/plumbers/plasterers (they don’t work much past 50 due to bad backs, knee/shoulder replacement surgeries as far as I can see). Add to that the fact that Gordon Brown raided the pension pots when labour were last in - and famously left nothing in the coffers; and then we’ve had covid/CoL/fallout for Brexit and Ukraine which mean there is eff all in reserve and certainly nothing to top-up state pensions… being free to retire by 60 may be a fantasy for many people.

YABVU.

Firstly in the sense that it's not up to you. It's his career and his choice as to when he retires.

Secondly because gifting money to your children for a deposit is a nice gesture if you can afford it, but under no circumstances should it be felt to be an obligation.

If you feel that is something you should do, then YOU should try to get a better job and/or work for longer.

Being sixty is not like being thirty. The time you have left is valuable and precious, and lots of DHs don't get the chance to work past sixty because one in five of them is already dead by then. If he can retire at 59 without undue hardship (for him and you that is - not adult children!) then it would be absolutely a good thing to do.

I retired at 62. Not for a minute have I been bored and depressed.. Assuming this isn't a reverse and OP is who she says she is, she is BU to tell her husband what to do, as long as he can meet half of their expenses and isn't going to be depending on her financially.

I don't know how working for another year and gifting the money would work as surely there are outgoings to come out of it?

I'm glad that my DDs will have a good start and a lump sum they can use for a deposit or whatever they want and it doesn't effect our retirement plans.

But if you are on good salaries and have paid off the mortgage surely you could have put some aside for them already. I certainly wouldn't be selfish and be living in luxury while DDs struggled but I'm not sure in this case what working another year will achieve.

I see OP has scarpered.

But YABVU.

My parents very generously gifted us some money towards our deposit. We had already saved up the required deposit but the extra money enabled us to secure a lower rate mortgage.

I put away saving every month for my daughter in the hope that might one day help her with a deposit.

Both of these things are gifts which should not be expected or relied upon. Your adult daughter is an adult, it's up to her to save her deposit. If you/your husband contributes towards it, that's very kind of you and I'm sure she'd be very grateful, but it's not his responsibility to work longer to do so.

It's a personal decision that will be different for everyone. Both decisions can be right, and both could be wrong. It's for you and your husband to decide together what's right for your family.

Personally I wouldn't retire unduly early if it disadvantaged my children.

That's very unreasonable of you. How old is your dd?

If it's important for you to gift her deposit money, you work as much you want. You can't impose your ideas on your husband. Renting is not end of the world situation.