To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

I don’t think it’s that much of a reach to think that this is a reverse, and the OP is the DD. It was the first thing that crossed my mind on reading it.

So many people asking this question.

Read the OP again. She's earning 50k, same as her DH.

OP has already said she is working and earning the same as DH.

She's not being silent about it, she clearly said in the first paragraph of the OP that she and her husband both earn £50K!

Life is shorter than you think. Let your husband enjoy his retirement while he can.
If he doesnt find it enjoyable, at 59 he is young enough to get some part time work or volunteering.

dDad retired at 55. I don't begrudge him that even though I'm still renting 20 years later.

My assumption @Lesbeavinu is that really you're jealous of your dh's 'stress free' job and opportunity to retire early.

Finding it hard to understand why you think his generation have benefited from the rise in house prices to be honest - unless they live in a larger house than they need and can downsize, or are in an expensive area, there’s no benefit when buying a comparable property. And older people are still subject to the same cost of living rises - council tax, energy bills, etc.

Why don’t you continue to work an extra year or 2 beyond your planned retirement date to help your DD. Otherwise just butt out. It’s his choice

Far more factors to this decision. When are you planning on retiring? Is he planning on retiring on the basis you’ll still be working and needing that money to survive? Is your DD living with you? is DD saving up their own deposit?

I will never be able to help my children with a house deposit unless something drastically changes. But it’s not impossible for them to do it themselves, I know several young people with a mortgage and my son could get one if he didn’t live in London. He’s always known that he wouldn’t get any help and seems to be planning his life accordingly. I don’t really think your husband should not retire over this if he really wants to stop working.

Anyone can retire, provided that they are able to meet their own financial needs without working.

Are you usually this ageist?

If he likes his job which the OP says is 100% remote and very stress-free, it does seem a bit unhelpful that he wouldn't continue to work for another year if that was going to help his DD a lot.

It's not clear how it would help.
Would it mean a much bigger pension so he could gift money each month/ year? A bigger lump sum on retirement?
Or would be giving her the annual salary he's earned by working for 1 more year.

@Lesbeavinu Can you come back and fill in the details?

😂😂

Yup. Totally agree this is a reverse and the OP is actually the selfish and grasping daughter!

It's not impossible but to keep alleging this again and again without anything to back it up is pretty unpleasant.
I agree that it is entitled to assume that your parents should work longer to help you (if this is the DD).
On the other hand, as a parent, 59 is no age, the job sounds relaxed and I can't imagine not working a bit longer to help my DC, particularly as younger generations have a much, much harder time financially than those aged approx 60. Retiring in your 50s is v much a luxury.

If he can retired I wouldn't oppose to it.
I would love not have to work. I like my work, but I would love to use that time doing other stuff as well. At the end of the day working life is long in years, days and hours.
In the other hand your kids are fully grown, I wouldn't feel bad not giving them a deposit if I have to postpone my retirement. I don't think modern times/cost of living should trump my desire of free time.
If I could I would think my time serving is over and enjoy a bit of myself time for the years to come.
Nothing wrong to help your adults kids with money or other stuff if that doesn't requires a big effort.
I think, although it may not be seem as a big effort because is just 12-18 months what you got in mind, for me is a lot tbh.
With all of the above I have voted YABU.

Many men go into some sort of decline after retirement, my own father did, continuing to work might be good for him as well as your daughter, 18 months is not that long in the great scheme of things.

I voted YANBU because it's an admirable thing for parents to help out with their children's financial goals, especially as it's much harder to get on the property ladder nowadays. Also, one year is not that long, expecially if he is healthy and his job is low-stress.

However, I can see why he might not want to do this. Men on average live shorter lives than women, so he might not have as long as you think. I know two men who died in their early 70s. Women, on the other hand, live well into their 80s and sometimes 90s.

He’d be young enough to go back to work full time.
DH went gone back to work at 60, demanding managerial position. Loving it still at 62, but then again he was going stir crazy in retirement and wanted the challenge.
Your DH can do as he pleases OP. Life is short.
I’m sure your fully grown DD will be just fine.

YABU.

Sounds like he’d still have decent income coming in from the pension. Is there a reason you’ve not saved money before this? How long until he’s 59? what’s his health like? Is he already helping DD out? What kind of career path is DD on?
Too many questions to just judge him!

When you have worked for 40 years OP, and inhabit an ageing body, and are looking at a limited number of years of healthy life expectancy, you can have an opinion as to whether or not this is unreasonable.

I would do what you suggest but he will do what he wants. I'm 65 and still working full time because of the way Covid messed up my DS's life. It wasn't the plan but it's what it is. Also I was single when I had him and the increased responsibility of single parenthood has never loosened its grip on me. But if your DH doesn't want to, you can't make him and it's unclear what's best for your DD long term.

If this is indeed a reverse, then OP needs to get over herself and find a property on a shared purchase scheme, rather than expect dad to fund her. I know two recently divorced women in their forties with kids and exH’s who’ve lost all their money do this. Start from scratch with nothing now part-owning new homes. The entitlement and privilege of expecting a 59yr old man to work for a few more years is sickening.

My 55yo husband is fucking knackered (has a desk job too, but with travel between offices/countries), long hours, responsibility, never able to switch off and when he spends a weekend like the last one doing essential DIY and gardening he is ready for bed by 9pm, only to be up again at 545am to start the working week all over again. He’d love to retire in the next few years, but we have ASD kids who should both get to uni next year and the year after, so we will do as much as possible to help - our health and our own relationship permitting. There is no lifelong obligation to support your kids. Once they are 18 they are adults. It’s entirely up to the parents if/how much more they feel they can do.