To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

There was one earlier who said if they handed over a huge lump sum to their bully of a daughter now she might look after them if they get sick later.

Like, a daughter who thinks her nearly 60 year old father is her own personal drudge, workhorse and wallet is going to be caring for her parents in their old age 😅

As for your DH if it was me and I was in good health id keep on working. Housing market is ridiculous these days. Id rather see my kids with homes and it would help me relax in my old age knowing they were in the best state possible.

But everyone is different and we don’t know what the future holds.

Maybe I should think my mother is being selfish for still being alive at 94 so she hasn't given me my inheritance yet. Greedy woman thinking her money should be used to pay for her being in a posh care home!

I'm a similar age and I would def do this in your DH's position. He's not down a mine or slogging away in a physical job.

As long as it wasn't expected and your kids are nice young adults, I'd definitely give them a helping hand. In fact we are, we're due an inheritance soon and we could blow it on cruises and posh meals but we intend to give both our DDs a large deposit to get them on the housing ladder. They're both paying enormous amounts of rent, lining someone else's pocket at the moment.

At their age (early 20s), we were living in a fabulous flat on the outskirts of London (with a mortgage, not rent), running two cars and still having holidays. Our DDs generation have no hope of doing that unless they are on a huge salary. We had very average jobs then.

He doesn't want to though, and he's not her personal wallet and workhorse, so she'll just have to rent if she can't afford a mortgage.

Oh, and in response to the question - no it's not even remotely selfish to choose to retire with your own money at a time that suits having worked for the opportunity to do that.

It is, however, incredibly selfish of the OP (who's obviously the daughter) to try to coercively manipulate a nearly 60 year old man into being her personal wallet and workhorse because it would make her life easier.

not everyone is desperate for grandchildren

also - what pressure on the daughter! Here’s a load of cash - now breed!

@Halfemptyhalfling

I have given all 5 children the same money each to buy a first property and they all own a house. My work is done and any money I now earn (I still work full time) will go towards my savings and whatever I choose to do with it. Every parent decides what they choose to do. Plenty of people rent - in 1900 about 90% of the UK rented from private landlords including most of my ancestors and they were fine. There is no God given law that everyone has to own a property, replace boilers, pay for roof repairs and all the rest that comes with ownership, never mind property dropping in value if you own it.

😂This post has to be a piss take. You want your husband to work a full year for free, effectively.

Every time I think I need to stop looking at Mumsnet because it's such a hate filled place, I come across something like this which just drags me back in.

We are in our 60s and have 3 children, DD and DS2 (early 30s and late 20s) have bought a flat together and DS1 is renting with his girlfriend and saving for a deposit. We will continue to work but not to give DS1 a deposit but to make sure we have money to have a decent retirement.

All the children work but not in high paid jobs and we live in the south east. DD and DS2 lived with us for a few years on a very nominal rent,£100 per month, and this enabled them to save. DS1 has a reasonable amount saved £30k partly from a small inheritance from his grandparents(happened after the other 2 purchased their flat) but as his GF is not currently working, will not be buying until she gets back into work.

They have never asked us for anything although we would, of course, help if they really needed it. They know our door is always open if they need a place to live.

No , its not selfish to finally - towards the end of your life - do something YOU want to do

Why should he?

This is almost definitely a wind up and half the responses sound like something out of the Viz.

Well played, OP, well played.

Sorry have I lost the plot here... the poster is not the dd. The dd hasn't asked for anything. The poster is the partner of the dh

I don't think he should keep working if he doesn't want to, that said, I know at least one man who has kept going to work over his desired retirement age (low 60's) to provide enough for children to get through university, so has done an extra 3-4 years for that. He liked his job, it was not hard to keep going and he's provided extra for them.

I think each family is different, it's not something unheard of though, most families are trying to ensure the next generation do at least as well as they did, and that motivates my choices as well, I'm a lone parent though so no choice not to work and provide for my children at all!

My assumption throughout the thread has been that the poster is doing a weird reverse and is the daughter. The comment sounds exactly like a spoiled, bullying daughter trying to gain sympathy for her attempts to coerce her father into being her workhorse and wallet.

I could be wrong, but as the OP has only posted a quick wind up and a very brief second wind up, and nothing else, it's my working assumption.

It is his money - and he can choose to do with it what he will!!
The same applies to you - you too are on a good wage - if you want to save for your DD then do so!! No-one is stopping you!!

Many FTB now are a) in their 30s and have/are considering starting a family b) have moved around a lot when renting and don't especially want to collect more addresses, indeed are looking to buy to never have to go through a move again c) don't want to keep paying stamp duty d) can't even afford the 'somewhere small'

I think that if he’s had his fill and you’re not paying a mortgage, he’s entitled to retire when he’s ready. Have had too many friends whose parent worked longer than they wanted to only to then die in their mid to late sixties. All parties regretful that the parent had fewer years to spend with their partner and to do the things they’d held off for years due to kids/work.

That said, my DH had planned to work until 60, but now feels it will need to be 62 as our youngest wants to study medicine (a 4 yr MSci in BioMed first and a 4 year grad entrant degree), so he plans to work the extra 2 years to save as much as poss to help out. We’ll then also downsize to release lump sumps for both children to get on the property ladder.

Not sure this is out of selflessness so much as planning to avoid giving the tax man his cut after we die (that sticks in DH’s craw) and also because we’d like to watch the kids benefit and flourish during our lifetime, rather than struggle under the weight of debt until we pop our clogs. However, DH now 55 and beginning to find long hours/commute/stress really tiring and it’s impacting the quality of his downtime at weekends, so we may need to take a view on this as he approaches 60.

Surely there can't be one size fits all answer here, also if you have both had good wages to date, then you could save something, or he could work part-time after retirement, I know someone who does this and loves their new sociable retirement job and it keeps a few £100 flowing through each month.

Life is short though, and personally if he can't wait to get out, I think that's a good life goal, as worthy as giving a child a house deposit, ultimately you could keep going longer yourself if you disagree.

Gen x are age 44-59 , I've never seen a post about them needing money from their parents

I'm one of these. In every generation there are many, many people who cannot afford to buy a house and cannot afford to save for a deposit. Many people I went to school with are still renting in their 50's.

No you haven't. The other poster has and is clearly projecting with his/ her constant posts on the thread.

My DH died at 54, one year away from his planned retirement. If he can he should.

Out of curiosity what are you doing and earning?

Perhaps your DH sees you at home and wants to be there too.