To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

[Lesbeavinu]

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

@Lesbeavinu I completely agree with you and what a lovely thing to do for your kids.. I think you should convince your hubby to do this. All the ppl here flapping about it's up to him blah blah blah are just projecting their own poor ablity to help their adult kids on to you. Don't listen . Voice your points to your hubby. Ppl here acting like these aren't your flesh and blood and you wanting to help them is the most stupid thing in the world. Better you're trying to help them then pushing them to be a burden on the state. Do it. Help the kids , wishing them all the best in getting on the housing ladder.

Really surprised at the responses here. Yes, he should work longer and save for a HD for his child. There are massive issues of intergenerational unfairness in the UK today and his generation has benefited from the rise in house prices, which has screwed younger people over.

I don’t get “He could keel over tomorrow, he should go and enjoy life!!” It sounds like he has a pleasant job with work-life balance - he can continue doing it for a few more years and enjoy holidays and weekends like most other people do.

I wish I could retire at 59!

Other parts of the country are also available for living in.

My lovely dad retired at 60. I found out later he’d been in pain from an untreated health condition, and was on a very long waiting list at the nhs. I’d have been horrified at the thought he’d worked longer than necessary to fund me in my lifestyle when I was a fully fledged, independent adult.

I would be gutted if I found out my parents had worked for longer than they planned to, just to support me as an adult. I want my parents to enjoy their hard-earned retirement.

Any adult child who feels differently is uncaring and entitled, and doesn't deserve the money!

I think it's almost funny that someone who is being silent on whether they work or not is suggesting their DH should work longer.... And the hours a person works don't really reflect stress.

I've rented all my life, I probably wont inherit my parents house or savings as it will probably go on care fees just like their parents houses did and dh parents house.
Owning your own house is unlikely to secure any kind of financial benefit to your children now.
The government wants everyone working until they die and then dying with nothing so the next generation do the same.

@5foot5

Do you know what??? My Dads cannot live with us and do their jobs. Both need to be based in London. Not every dc has the luxury of being with mum and dad and saving up. Some lucky dc do, so good for you. The rest must move for work, especially rural dc. My DD1 travels quite a lot for work. That’s impossible from where we live as she needs a whole variety of main line stations. She does drive but that’s hugely problematic too with so many different locations.

We saved up years ago for DC. I don’t really care that they didn’t have enough for deposits. DD1, like most in her career, didn’t start earning until 25 due to academic study and training. I think staying at home is a massive bonus and I bet no one pays parents the going rate on rents. Plus no issue finding a place to rent either. Your dc was in a hugely fortunate position but you don’t realise it. I suspect housing was cheap too! For many in the SE it’s not and most people recognise this and help, if they can. Parents in this case can as they clearly don’t need 50.% of dad’s earnings.

^This

Posts on mumsnet always seem to assume that it will be utterly impossible for anyone under about 40 to buy their own place without handouts.

DD is single and late 20s, earning OK but not tremendously high salary, yet she managed to buy a flat about a year ago. Saved her own deposit

Three nephews and nieces of a similar age. Two have their own place already and the third one and his partner currently looking. Pretty sure my sister doesn't have the money to have helped out much.

Of DDs friends from school several others have their own already. Her best friend is currently buying locally too.

I retired at 60. I had intended to stay on to 65 but our department was merged/ taken over and the whole ethos and environment changed. I really don’t think I could have stood it there for another 5 years to give DD a deposit.

I agree with you OP. I think many on here (and in general) don't understand or care to understand how different things are for young people in their 20s, 30s, even 40s compared to those of approx 55/60 plus

Many of us are 55 plus ( me for one) and of course I know how things are different as I have two adult children in their 20s.

Ds 2 was horrified when i offered him help towards his house and he refused to accept anything. Ds1 did accept help and insisted on paying the 5 k back that dh lent him over two years.

I can't imagine having an adult depending or wanting their parents money to get on in life. I can understand short term loans as a lot of people go through bumpy phases financially from time to time.
However, I seen plenty of mn posts to realise I'm I the minority, I think.

I'm not criticising other people's choices, each to their own and spend your money how you want. I just think it's sad if someone wants to retire and pressure is put on them not to.

Surely if DH continues to work he won't be claiming his pension so it is only whatever portion of his income is not needed for living costs that would be available as 'extra £ to fund a deposit for DD if he worked an extra 18 months'. If the pensions come with tax free lump sums, can't he retire and use some of the £ from the tax free lump sums to gift DD a deposit?

Your post doesnt match what op said... There is no suggestion the ops husband has health issues. Really happy to hear you're an independent adult and I have alot of respect for that however don't begrudge other ppl help from their parents. There's no shame in getting help like this and it doesn't mean you're not trying your best or working hard to support yourself.

Where does it stop though? A house deposit for DD, a full house, private school fees for the grandchildren, university fees for the grandchildren. At some point he should stop. He's not exactly retiring at 40. I'm sure your child would much prefer him to be happy and healthy and around to help with grandkids in the future than worked until burnout for the sake of a few thousand pounds.

Lol no, just a cranky 50 plus woman :)

I'll have his job if he doesn't want to do it 😂

Very envious about people being in a position to retire pre-60. My parents both did and good for them, they had worked for years by then. With our massive mortgage and the national pension being increased to 68, it's looking far less within our grasp.

'Many of us are 55 plus ( me for one) and of course I know how things are different as I have two adult children in their 20s.'

Given that, surely any loving parent would want to help if they possibly could. 59 is no age nowadays when life expectancy is around 80 (obviously social class dependent- the man in question is on a well above average salary). I really can't see how it is sad to work past 59, especially when the generations in question will be working until they are 10 years older!

'I can't imagine having an adult depending or wanting their parents money to get on in life.'
There is nothing in the OP to suggest that this is the case. Most younger people are 'getting on with their life' and working but, sadly, cannot afford a home or a family without parental help anymore.

Her father isn't offering her help. His daughter is trying to force him to continue working to make her life easier. He doesn't want to and going by the daughter's tone (obviously the OP) he won't be forced into continuing to slog for her, but instead will enjoy his retirement with his money which he has earned by working throughout his life.

Another one where OP hasn't come back ... wonder if this was the last gasp of the half term posts?

I'm incredibly selfish then - I've retired at 55,and have a 13 year old. I'm a much happier and more available parent as a result.

No, you are definitely in the vast majority. Decent people don't expect parents to slog past their own retirement age choice to make adult children's lives easier, or fund adult children's wants.

It's only on Mumsnet you will get the trolls pretending this is a normal demand by a daughter. Would not be at all surprised if the OP (who is the daughter IMO) has also got sock puppets trying to convince everyone it's normal behaviour to make these sorts of demands of your parents. It's definitely not.

Im surprised that no one has said that he absolutely should do it as being a parent is all about self sacrifice until the day you die and if he doesn’t do it his daughter will go NO CONTACT with him and chuck him in a terrible nursing home cos he was so selfish.

It's abnormally selfish and downright bizarre to try to force your father to slog on past the retirement age he has chosen to make your life easier.

Disgustingly entitled to try to force your father who is nearly 60 to keep working so your life will be easier. Downright revolting in fact. Sickening and repulsively entitled behaviour.

Fortunately, neither you, nor his selfish daughter get to make that choice for him.

So I guess he will be enjoying the retirement he has earned. Good for him.

Wow! Can I have your DHs job?

that sounds like a pretty good deal!

Can you PM what he does. Maybe I could do it too!

I remember there was a thread on MN about jobs paying over 50k for not doing much. Need to dig it out.