What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

If you eat a lot of fruit and veg, there's no real need for boron supplements, pulses are particularly high in it and probably the best dietary source is buckwheat / bulgar wheat.

If you're going to wear tops with a front detail, make sure you put it on the right way round before you sashay around a busy town.

If you're going for a walk with a walking group, for the first time, let the veterans lead the way. Otherwise you might be sat astride the fence as they effortlessly walk through the adjoining kissing gate.

Before searching the house high and low for your glasses, check the top of your head.

The famous battery brand is duracell not durex.

Take your HRT.

If some random lady is chasing you down the street waving frantically, stop and listen because you may have your skirt tucked into your knickers with your arse on show.

Don't drop the end of a charging plug in liquid then try to suck the liquid out while the other end of the cable is still plugged in.

Yikes! @GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin ⚡

Check your MOT cert when you leave the garage. My garage put the wrong reg in and we drive around for 6 months with no mot. Turns out they had misheard it when I booked it in and didn't double check when putting it in!!!

If you're going to slag off your on-laws to your best friend via email, whilst referring to them as "that annoying pair of fuckers", ensure that you have actually sent it to your friend and NOT your in-laws!

🫢

I also accidentally tipped half a bottle of olbas oil down my nostril when lying in bed and sniffing the bottle. It then trickled down my throat. My god, i thought that i was going to die. It was absolutely hideous.

This is more of a near miss, from ages ago.

Had eye drops and nail glue in similar small bottles in the same container. It was only last minute that I checked what I was about to squeeze into my eye, and avoided damaging my sight.

These days I check 100% what's going in my eye-and no longer use nail glue. 🌹

Oops!

Don't assume that the car that flashes its lights when you press the key fob is your car. Check the number plates. Most car manufacturers have only a small number of different locks. I lost a load of groceries this way. Put the groceries in the boot, and when I came back after returning the shopping trolley the car was gone. Mine was parked a little further down line of cars in the car park!

If your charger plug looks damaged/cracked do not think it will be fine. The casing might come off and you could end up in A&E being checked over after an electric shock.

Do not try to prove to sceptical classmates that your nose and mouth are connected by putting a straw up your nose and ‘drinking’. Especially do not do this if your flask contains orange juice. I was seven, but still…

I’d love to have seen the expression on the faces of the car owner when they found random shopping in their boot!

Check where you actually are before having a picnic!
A friend and I took our small boys out for a picnic. After driving down several pretty country lanes we spotted a small stream beside a wooded area with grassy banks. Parked up, unloaded car and set picnic out on picnic blanket while our boys splashed around with little fishing nets.
After several hours of messing around and congratulating our selves on finding such a lovely spot one of the boys dropped his net. I set off in hot pursuit down stream. As I splashed through the water I remember thinking how beautifully manicured the stream bank. When I saw garden furniture and a patio I suddenly realised we had spent the afternoon in someones garden.

Useful tip here. Did they ever speak to you again?

If you are on a motorway and the speed on the gantry above you changes to 50 and you slow down to 50 (so you don’t get speed cam’d) then move over to the slow lane as the car behind you and the car behind them may crash into you.

If you are on a motorway and the speed on the gantry above you changes to 50 and you slow down to 50 (so you don’t get speed cam’d) then move over to the slow lane as the car behind you and the car behind them may crash into you.

There is NO slow lane. There is only the lane you are meant to be in (left hand lane) and the rest are for overtaking ONLY.

So, the original meant, "always start a new job prepared to cheat your employer". Nice.

Good Lord, she was obviously joking. It's OK to miss a joke! It was actually quite an old joke, believe it or not. You don't all have to justify missing it by pretending it was serious and missing it is an act of moral superiority!

Obviously my funny bone is out of order. (Not to mention, here in Ontario it wouldn't work, because most employers request a copy of the death certificate.)

It's OK to miss the joke, it's OK not to find it funny, but ffs people, it was a joke. A very old joke. If you didn't get it, it doesn't mean Purple was genuinely encouraging lying to your employer about bereavements and it doesn't mean you are morally superior to her.

She made a joke, several people didn't get it, that's all that happened.

You seem weirdly offended by this. Why do you care so much that some posters think the 'pretend you have all 4 grandparents alive so you can get 4 days off (with pay) for their funerals' suggestion is in bad taste or not funny?' What's it to you what people think? People are entitled to their own views FGS.

I have never heard of this before and think it's bloody stupid to be honest. Is anyone really going to lie and say their grandad died, just get a day off work? And then 6 months later say the same about their grandmother? And then do the same the following year for the other 2 grandparents? Batshit, Never known anyone do this in real life. Bosses aren't stupid - you will get found out!

Oh God, not one of these.

My biggest take away from this thread is don't make a mild joke on MN.

And don't expect anyone to read the thread before replying.