What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

I've not given the whole story here. It would take too long.

There was absolutely no acknowledgement that they'd received the cheques, the family medals, the family jewellery. Nothing.

I only heard from them (via the solicitor) when two of them complained about being unable to cash cheques that they had sat on for well over a month. (One of them was sent in spite of our solicitor advising that there was no actual entitlement to it since it went to someone who was born after the will was written.)

They had no legal entitlement to the other two cheques which were sent later and cashed immediately.

But yes - you're probably right. I have nothing to complain about. (I'm not being sarcastic, I promise.)

Well not the original OP but the person who wrote about now being worried about getting married because she was asking whether she was protected by making a will leaving everything to her DC.

Correct.

Be aware that you may think you know, and have, a trustworthy sibling, or siblings, but when there's an inheritance in the offing it might well be a case of 'all bets are off', especially if they're an executor. Any previously hidden or latent greed may run rampant.

Speaking from personal experience.

Be careful ordering seafood in a restaurant on Christmas Eve.
If you are planning to cross a road and the green man is flashing don't rush to try and cross.

Learned this one today: if you give your child an easy maths challenge while waiting in a queue in an uncharacteristic bout of performative parenting, do not make an even bigger tit of yourself by correcting them when they get it right. 😳

Another cautionary tale: don’t give up your job even if you are married (unless your husband is seriously wealthy and there’s definitely enough to go around for you to be sorted for life). Courts quite rarely make maintenance orders these days and there’s definitely no rule that the primary parent gets to stay in the home. Lots of dads go for 50/50 contact with kids as well. So while marriage gives you some protection it’s definitely not foolproof and not a good plan to become financially inactive if you’re a middle earning family (up to around 100k).

And before anyone jumps on me, I mean they rarely make spousal maintenance orders, which is a separate thing to child support

Perhaps use the quote function next time? Or cut and paste the point you;re responding to? I probably won't be the only person who read your message as meaning there had been a change in law that enable cohabitees to claim maintenance, pension etc when splitting up.

Never forgive a cheat. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

Never buy a leasehold property with a short lease. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Extending a lease is expensive and bloody inconvenient.

Also, with relationships: fools rush in. Take your time, to see if they are your person. Value your worth and don't settle.

I mean that’s exactly what I did but okay then… 🤔

Don't trust everyone who smiles at you and calls you a friend.

Not meaning to drip feed.

He was in hospital for serious conditions on three occasions. The first time, he got no visits at all. They treated it as though he was just going to be in and out. (Triple heart bypass.)

A couple of them had planned a holiday up here. I thought that DH would get a hospital visit. I got a cheery phone call to say that they'd come up and visit when he was home - there was "no point" when he was in hospital.

I was so exhausted at that point - caring for my parents, working full-time, going to hospital - that I fell asleep at the wheel of the car momentarily. I skipped the hospital visit the day after that.

Then DH had a stroke and was in hospital 4 months. One of them visited once for half an hour, right at the beginning. No other visit in all that time.

Later, I got bad news about my health. Phoned one of the kids to stress that their dad would need care if anything happened to me.

Pause.

"You're not thinking of leaving him are you?"

After I got the all clear, I phoned to let them know, but emphasised again that their dad would need help if anything happened to me. "Yes, but you're all right - aren't you?"

They didn't come to the funeral, citing health reasons during lockdown. (Physical for two of them. Too triggering for the other.) Nevertheless, they wanted to be included in the funeral - which I do understand. I was on my own, hanging on by a thread and put in the position where I was trying to keep everyone happy but they didn't seem to realise that they were putting pressure on me by wanting changes to things like the music after I'd had great difficulty organising it. I'd sent them recordings of the music, heard nothing back. Told the undertaker to go ahead with the recordings I'd sent.

Next thing, I got a phone call wanting something else. "Have you listened to what I sent? It's your dad performing?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't."

Then went on to tell me that they wanted me to obtain a copy of a CD DH used to play to the grandchild. They didn't know what the CD was or what the tune was, but I would know...

I explained that I had no idea. Also, the council was only allowing non-copyright music since the funeral was being webcast. Nevertheless, they insisted that I would know "what Dad liked" when I'd already had to get a friend to edit the music for me and that I should use the tune that they didn't even know the name of.

In the end, I said I'd see what I could do (just to stop the conversation) and went ahead with the music I'd already organised.

They were actually happy with what I did once they watched the funeral on the webcast, but they increased the level of stress on me when I hardly needed it.

Never trust a charming man.
Never lend money to a friend unless you are prepared to lose both the money and the friendship.

Love this 😂

When your dh is booking concert tickets for a distant date, check not just the date but also the year before you get ready to go out. That will avoid feeling like a pair of right tits when you turn up on the right date - but a year early for a concert at the Festival Hall. 😩

Definitely phone number and email addresses (yours and emergency contacts) in your passport. I once had a passport returned that I hadn't realised I lost!

Agree with bikini, change of outfit, and toiletries in your hand luggage for a long haul flight. My main luggage was delayed for several hours once but I was still able to freshen up once I arrived at the hotel.

I nearly did this for a local event. Noticed just in time. Now I can't find my ticket.

Never try to run through a revolving door while carrying soup

Never be fobbed off by a vet that all is well when you know your beloved pet isn't right. Change vets sooner rather than later.

Thank you. As with all insurance, the important thing is that they're in it for the money 😬 I think all you can do is read the darn policy, start to finish, plus all the linked qualifiers and documents (as defined in section 14, paragraphs 27 iii - 29 iv), write down absolutely everything that seems less than crystal to you, and request the further details in writing. Also confirm whether you need to update them on doctors' visits since you signed up.

It might be worth checking through the finance boards - and the health ones if you have concerns about a particular type of illness. People do successfully dispute insurer decisions; the difficulty is that you're in no state to do it once you're ill!

I hope you never need to claim, though.

Sorry @ByNavyOtter I disagree A Cheater dosnt always Cheat again

Don't let a can of drink or bottle of water roll around in your car, if it rolls under your brake pedal you're stuffed.

If you book something over the phone always follow it up in writing. I ended up with a green wedding cake. Lady on the other end heard green for cream. It was definitely a talking point. Gutted now that I didn't get the traditional cutting the cake photo.