What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

Don't ever get married/enter a long term relationship with someone thinking that they will change (for the better). They won't.

You are free to leave your estate to your children in your will if you live in England but a left out spouse has a strong claim on your estate should they choose to make a claim. A spouse has a right to be “reasonably provided for” and if they claimed against your estate likely to broadly get what they would have got on a divorce. The only way to avoid this is not to get married.

Every woman needs an escape fund. I didn't marry thinking it would go wrong but it did. I hope you never need one but you never know.

Cohabitants can claim too. They probably won’t get as much as a spouse would but they can claim - the law was amended quite a while ago. I wouldn’t cancel the wedding/stay single forever based on worry about this.

When emptying the supermarket shopping bags, don't overlook a bottle of milk, leave it in the boot and then go on holiday for a week and leave your car in the airport car park.

The bottle burst, the milk evaporated, but the car was so stinky!

I am now wondering how we missed it at all, as we must have done the shopping a few days before we went away!

My rule for my teens and social media has always been don't post something you wouldn't be happy your head master read out in a full school assembly

My version of this is don't post anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to read. Admittedly my mum is quite liberal but I still think it's good advice :)

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Although if you leave a pack of cans in the rear footwell, break sharply enough to cause a sack of cat litter to shoot off the back seat and propel said cans into the sharp bit of metal under the drivers seat (end of the seat adjuster thing) the resulting noise and spray from a burst can is quite alarming. It was Vimto, so also very colourful.

What’s your problem? They didn’t come after you for anything. Didn’t ask for anything.

You sent the money. They cashed it. So what? What did they do wrong? I don’t think they sound like the problematic selfish people in this story.

True words. This should be engraved in stone.

I'm confused by that story too.

Cohabitants can claim too. They probably won’t get as much as a spouse would but they can claim - the law was amended quite a while ago.

Could you point to the changes in UK law that you refer to? Cohabitants can claim through financial and capital law if that applies, but according to two separate and apparently decent sources I've tried There is no automatic entitlement to make financial, capital, spousal maintenance, or pension claims.

It seems to me both rash and misleading of you to give the impression that any cohabitee has any rights to anything. I'm currently watching friends who have lived together in for 18 years without marrying split up. The one who earned much less than the main earner has been very surprised to discover that she is not entitled to anything.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh, another really good one from me. Never, NEVER tell work about any personal problems you might experience: you might think informing them you are going through a nasty divorce or battling a health problem will help you and they will be considerate, understanding and will give you support and breathing space... Well, they might. But later on be prepared to be passed for any promotions and to be the first one on the redundancy list when time comes!

I’m taking it that DH’s kids were nowhere to be seen when he needed care or were they fairly grasping when he was alive?

Also if you get married you get a lovely extra IHT allowance many later life couples get married just for that! You need to give your spouse a life interest to get it.

My advice is to take advice that is appropriate to your circumstances.

Don’t finance anything, don’t use credit cards

Can't agree with this @Longsight2019

Credit cards are a great way of getting free money if you use them wisely.

The last 2 cars I bought were on 0% purchase credit cards. I paid the minimum payment on the cards for 36 months. Meanwhile the cash I could have used to buy those cars sat in a high interest savings account earning me money for 3 years.

Could you point to the changes in UK law that you refer to? Cohabitants can claim through financial and capital law if that applies, but according to two separate and apparently decent sources I've tried There is no automatic entitlement to make financial, capital, spousal maintenance, or pension claims.**

im talking about on death - s 1A of the inheritance provision for family and dependents act 1975. There is no provision on separation but I thought the OP was talking about death because she mentioned wills.

Always maintain your financial independence. Or at the very least get a skill, education, certificate, or license that enables one to earn a living wage. Nothing wrong at all with being a SAHM if that's what you want. But be sure that you have the ability to reenter the job market should you need to. Life throws curveballs be it divorce, your SO's disability, or their death.

Having a job skill saved my cousin's bacon when her now-Ex cheated and left her with 2 small children. She'd maintained her Dental Hygienist certificate and was able to get a well-paying job. It also saved my family's bacon when DH was hurt on the job. We'd always both worked full time to live the 'lifestyle' we wanted to, but my salary alone was enough to just get us by until he was able to retrain and get another job.

I must have missed one of the OP's posts then.

1. Don’t let a man persuade you he knows best. So many things I went along with against my better judgement which turned to shit.

This ^^ in spades. I have lost so much money over the years doing just that.

Just checked. Can't see that the OP has mentioned death at all. I'm lost.

A bit of a woo-woo one for those that believe in the Law of Attraction.
Be specific. For years, I said that I wanted to retire, I can't wait to retire, I think my passwords at work said even said it. Then, I was in a life-changing accident at work and was retired under ill-health.

Many upthread will disagree but take out critical illness cover. I'd forgotten I had until it was needed. They paid within a week.

I'm way too trusting and it's blown up in my face many times, leaving me really hurt. I tend to take people at face-value and it's only now in my mid-thirties that I'm really learning how, for want of a better word, snakey people can be.

One of DH's favourite songs, Deep Fried Frenz by MF Doom has the lyric, "never let your so-called mans know your plans" and it's astonishing how many times it's given me pause before telling someone I don't 100% trust something I don't absolutely have to tell them - and how many times that's gone on to save my skin.

So yeah, don't let your so-called mans know your plans.