Was this weird of me at work?

[Handsomesquidward]

I'm a straight woman, I work in a semi-formal office environment. We have a young girl there who has beautiful long, blonde Rapunzel hair and who is just beautiful in general.
I haven't really spoken to her as she's in another department. I saw this girl and I just said 'Hi I hope you don't mind me saying, just wanted to say I really love your hair, you look beautiful!'
She seemed really happy I'd said it and appreciated it.
My other colleague was in the toilets too and had heard, she told me it was really weird and creepy id said that.
I feel so embarrassed now and wonder if I shouldn't have said anything. I was just trying to be nice, I imagine some women would be very jealous of her and she gets some cattiness, I don't think I said anything inappropriate.
Just wondered what others think? Surely it's a sad world where you can't compliment people.

I would be low-key uncomfortable with this comment. A pissed fellow reveller at a club drunkenly telling me I look beautiful, fine. At work place, not so much. There are enough ways to compliment someone in a non-looks way that it's just not necessary at a work place. Like pp said, a comment about a jacket or a skirt being lovely or nice, or even complimenting a new hair cut or colour, great. Drawing attention to the way someone naturally looks is just not really a work place thing. I've also been at the receiving end when these comments went too far.

Agree, barbie dolls comment is super-cringe.

See, it just shows how we’re all so different, because I would not be at all intimidated by a friendly work colleague telling me I had beautiful hair in the toilets, but I’m frequently intimidated by drunk people (albeit men) telling me I’m beautiful when they’re drunk, because from experience they get overly touchy and confident trying to come on to me etc, and it’s scary when that happens. If it was a woman then I wouldn’t be bothered, drunk or otherwise. I really don’t understand what the issue is? What’s going to happen to you?

Not weird at all. One of my colleagues told me my hair was beautiful and very shiny the other day so I recommended the solid shampoo and conditioner I use. It's just normal and friendly social interaction imo.

I don't compliment people every day but I have no issues to tell someone they have a beautiful something, usually clothes item. People does that as well to me.
I had had many nice dress, I love your jumper, what a lovely beautiful daughter you have, I love your hair, etc from completely strange women in the supermarkets, on the street etc. They usually are older ladies. That makes me think that the older we get the less embarrassed we are to say something/someone is nice if we like it or that I dress like a lady in their 70s.
Both suit me well . 😂

I’ve said that to complete strangers when it’s called for. Everyone loves compliments.

A woman at work came in with her hair newly coloured in a really lovely combination of colours, we hadn’t really spoken before but I had to comment. We got chatting about it and have become friends as a result, she’s lovely. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I probably would have stopped at "love your hair".

Adding the "you're beautiful" seems too much to me.

But if she was OK I guess it doesn't matter?

Unless she was just being polite/kind!

Jealous and never been called a barbie doll lmao. Probably the sort to pick on pretty and glamorous women in the office.

@YoureALizardHarry11 I never said "intimidated". I said "low key uncomfortable". Lots of things can make you feel uncomfortable without there being some sort of imminent threat, and it doesn't mean I think "something will happen" to me. I did have a friend who was harassed for her looks by an older woman who persistently commented on her looks and made her super uncomfortable (and was otherwise inappropriate too)
Not saying this is op or her intention at all (she seemed genuine), but I think workplace is just not one for comments about looks, unless it is between people who are close outside work as well

Is anybody allowed to have a differing view without attracting a moronic 'depressing' comment?

Lots of people like compliments, some though do not like compliments about their appearance (I'm also one of those) and they're allowed that without being 'told off'.

I give compliments about clothing or a bag or something like that but not about somebody's body.

Of course not OP, it's lovely to compliment people - and very odd of your friend to say otherwise !

I do it too; especially if people smell nice! I often tell them. Or if they are wearing something that really suits them (or a colour that really suits them).
Very occasionally it has happened back and it has honestly made my day. However if my DD (19) was with me she would tell me I was weird for saying it. Is your colleague who objected younger? I’m late 40s.

I learned a couple of jobs ago not to issue compliments to women in the workplace. We were in an open workspace and had frank discussions about this very issue and I learned a lot.

Several women said they don't "need" gratuitous compliments. They don't care what other people think about them and are not trying to impress or please other women. They present themselves as they want to present themselves. If a person issues a compliment it's like they are asserting power over the other - as if saying, "I decide if you are beautiful or not..." It was news to me but because several women said this, I made note of it.

But maybe the colleague thinks she's ugly and you just confirmed it because you didn't call her beautiful too?

I wouldn't ever pick on someone for being attractive. And I'm not jealous. I'm well respected in my profession for my skills not my face.

Lol you can huff and puff and say here ridiculous things but I'm right aren't I? Mocking people who compliment and acknowledge beautiful women is a passive aggressive way to control your own jealousy.

One of my colleagues and I frequently compliment each other's earrings, we obviously have similar taste. Even my introverted teens love it if someone compliments something they're wearing and they've even started complimenting strangers ocassionally because they realise how nice it feels. It's usually 'I love your tshirt' or similar but DD used to get compliments on her unusual hair a lot too.

That's exactly it. People just want to go about their day being, not with any judement on their looks.

I agree with you, Grendell, it's a risky thing to do it in a workplace. Some women like it but others do not and for that reason it shouldn't be something that women are expected to tolerate.

What's the difference between a woman complimenting and a man saying the same things? It's broadly accepted behaviour from women (as can be seen on this thread) but a man would probably hold back because it's not ok. It can make some women feel observed and intruded upon. That's how I feel about it - I don't like comments on my appearance. It's different to a comment about bag or shoes, they're not part of you.

Outside work I imagine it doesn't matter. Women that don't like it will do that half-smile because that's what women are conditioned to do. Women that do like it will be happy.

Women aren't a homogenous group who borg-think.

By the same token then, it's not ok to 'mock' or condemn people who have a different viewpoint to you, who do not like to be gazed upon or have their appearance commented on.

It's not anybody's 'right' to compliment and acknowledge women, beautiful or not, they are not a decoration for your approval.

I’ve been complimented on a ring I wore, a handbag, my hair, and on an outfit by female colleagues. I was on cloud nine the rest of the day. I see zero wrong with what you did, OP.

When I was in grad school, aged about 22, a fellow male student said, wow, look at you, when I wore a particularly nice outfit. He was a friend and had a girlfriend, and I felt wonderful…not creeped out at all. I still remember that with fondness, and I’m almost 60 now. When the intention is lovely, these compliments became wonderful memories of being young and lovely.

Utter rubbish. She was being nice and any normal person knows this. You clearly have an issue with beautiful women being recognised and you seriously need to admit that to yourself and stop trying to make people feel bad about it who don't have that issue and can recognise someone's beauty. People don't have to change their behaviour because you're jealous and whatever reasons you give don't sufficiently disguise your real problem here. It's not convincing that you really aren't jealous and just have the view that this is an inappropriate work conversation.

@Handsomesquidward
Not weird. Quite lovely 🌹

I wasn't actually commenting to the OP, NavyOtter but to you. You sound like a creep.

OP didn't do anything wrong and most women don't mind being complimented at all. Some don't like it and that's the point I was making.

I'll swerve your posts now as you give me the absolute ick.