Do you charge your univeristy attending child rent...

[BlackStrayCat]

... if they live at home?

Very wealthy STBXH is not a nice father.
His view is if DC wants to go to university (v. bright and will definitely go) she lives with me. (one hour train commute away, so doable)

Problem is; she eats alot and costs alot at 18. Would you charge (out of her fathers "maintenance" obviously) for "rent" (food). It is likely to be 400 pounds a month from her father. He will pay her directly to avoid me having anything. (If she didnt live with me this is absolutely understandable) but she WILL be living with me.

Uni costs covered by both and a government grant.

I feel a failure even asking this question but I will be stoney broke. I am also mainly sad for my DC that she has to live with me and not just get away and have fun. Hopefully by year two she will have friends and they can all flat share.

My question: AIBU to charge some type of "rent"?

TIA

OP what course is your daughter doing? Science and some courses like Law are contact-heavy and young people can make friends with others on their course. Some other courses in Humanities have relatively few lectures or seminars and friendships are made from Halls. I have two currently at uni so speak from experience.

Have a real think before deciding your daughter has to live at home.

You sound like a really amazing mum who puts her daughter first. She is lucky to have you.

Your post makes it sound like he wants her to stay at home but with his £400 a month (which wouldn’t be counted as parental support by the way as he’s the NRP), student loan, grant and a part time job she could easily afford halls and it’s a much better experience in your first year.

just be aware though that if you are working then as she is an adult, you will loose the 25% single person council tax discount so I don't think you will be unfair expecting your dd to pay the difference there, plus buy her own food. She's getting enough money

Full time students are exempt from council tax so op won't lose the 25% discount.

I would never charge my student dd rent, no. Absolutely not. I would rather go without meals myself if it came to it. I think YABVVU she is still a teenager.

She will also miss out on all of the socialising, bonding over meals in the halls etc. the first year is so important. Living at home will totally compromise her experience.

I don't think that's terribly helpful to OP who is obviously going through a tough time, what exactly would it be teaching a young adult if you went without food whilst they had many hundreds of pounds at their disposal each month? As OP has since posted, there are many more factors involved in this than just is it okay to ask DD to contribute to additional costs if living at home whilst at uni. STBXH sounds very controlling with OP trying to manage her way out of a difficult situation.

Don’t look on it as “rent”. If she is as you say, eating constantly, then it’s reasonable to ask for a contribution towards food. She might start eating a bit less once she sees the cost.

My DD is still at home, doing an apprenticeship. When I did the big shop she’d give me a long list of expensive snacks she wanted, that would never get eaten and I’d throw 90% of them in the bin a few days later. Eventually I told her she’d have to cough up for these extra snacks, smoothies etc herself. She rarely asks for anything now! I still provide meals and fruit etc, but it’s saved me a fortune.

So you'd go without meals while your student dc had £1000 a month spending money? Really?

Hi OP, in your position yes ask her to contribute towards food. Make sure she has enough for transport to uni, text books and course materials etc. It's great that she's working already and will be able to save some more over the summer. Can she do anything extra during term time eg local babysitting, house sitting etc? Staying at home for uni can have its advantages especially where PT work is involved.

I have never charged any of my dc in education rent.

If you earn £30,000 a year, then your dd would be entitled to £9497 in living costs loan if she lives in halls, outside of London.

If you earn less, then she would be entitled to more.

https://www.gov.uk/student-finance-calculator

Don't write off living in halls without giving it more research. If she is careful with her budget, then it is definitely doable and would give her a safe environment to develop her adulting skills and the freedom to grow and develop as a person.

Flat shares are expensive as well. If she has money from her father, she is entitled to use this on living in halls. Or do you need her to pay you throughout being at Uni?

I didn't live in halls when I went to uni
I lived in shared accommodation

I also went to uni 100s of miles away, so no going home

I still made friends

I joined some uni clubs

Your DD can sleep on friends sofas or floors if she wants to stay over

Personally, I think that she should

Choose which uni she wants to go to
Take out the max loan
Live in the uni town
She can get a PT job in the uni town
Should be her choices, not dictated by parents !

I know someone who is doing a paid apprenticeship & lives at home

They pay £100 per month

I think when people talk about halls they mean living with their peers, you’d go into shared accommodation probably after the first year anyway.

So if your child has over £1000 a month coming in, you would rather go
without meals than ask them to contribute to the household that they are living in?

@Polishedshoesalways

Quite frankly that's ridiculous.

Yes she is a teenager but one with a fair amount of money at her disposal.

It's not charging rent, its asking an adult with an income to contribute to the household budget

Rent? She won't have enough money to travel and pay rent will she?

As others have said, with a maintenance loan, plus her job plus the money from her father she will have plenty to pay you at least £100 which will barely cover food. I think she should pay you £150 or £200 - year 2 is going to be a real shock for her otherwise in a shared house at c£500 a month plus food/travel/clothes/books/nights out . . . How is she going to afford that if she gets used to spending all of her money and not budgeting?

Once you are clear on what she is entitled to, talk it through with her so that she can start to budget. And remember, self catering halls can be as cheap as a shared house . . . If she can go in halls next year she could live at home in her final year instead, to focus on work/revision/a bit of TLC from you in the tough final year.

@Polishedshoesalways what do you think a maintenance loan is for if you live at home?

No, we never charged our DC 'rent' as long as they were in full time education (including Uni). We also continued paying for their phone and their car running costs & insurance. They were only responsible for their own 'pocket/fun money' so only worked a few hours a week. But we were/are a married couple so there was no 'change in income' when they turned 18. It was just a continuation of the 'status quo'.

Your situation is different because you've been getting maintenance which (I assume) has been 'folded in' to your own income and it's all been used to maintain the household and provide for your DD. Now you are losing this income. In your case I don't see a problem in asking your DD to contribute in order to maintain the household's (and her) 'status quo'. Assuming she's mature enough to understand that 'living costs money' and is a loving, kind girl I wouldn't think she'd have a problem with it.

On the other hand, if the loss of income didn't impact my ability to maintain the status quo, I probably wouldn't ask for a contribution, but I would expect my child to use the money to fund themselves/uni rather than blow it all on foolishness.

Students don't pay Council Tax

As she is at home, and over 18, you'll need to make sure your council doesn't want to add her to your council tax (she should be exempt so you will get the 25% single persons discount).

It does seem unfair, and controlling of your DH as presumably you could have got some income from her room if she was away by short lets term time only so not unfair of you to ask for some contribution to food and lodging.