Do you charge your univeristy attending child rent...

[BlackStrayCat]

... if they live at home?

Very wealthy STBXH is not a nice father.
His view is if DC wants to go to university (v. bright and will definitely go) she lives with me. (one hour train commute away, so doable)

Problem is; she eats alot and costs alot at 18. Would you charge (out of her fathers "maintenance" obviously) for "rent" (food). It is likely to be 400 pounds a month from her father. He will pay her directly to avoid me having anything. (If she didnt live with me this is absolutely understandable) but she WILL be living with me.

Uni costs covered by both and a government grant.

I feel a failure even asking this question but I will be stoney broke. I am also mainly sad for my DC that she has to live with me and not just get away and have fun. Hopefully by year two she will have friends and they can all flat share.

My question: AIBU to charge some type of "rent"?

TIA

Her das doesn't want her to live away at university and you are all just going along with? What do you think that is teaching her? How do you think that might play out in her future relationships? You need to teach her yo be strong and independent. If you go along with this you are just teaching her to be a victim.
If she doesn't go into halls she may struggle to form close bonds and find friends to live with in year 2.
Encourage her be brave and live in halls.

I would look into the maintenance loan again. DS20 has a maintenance loan and tuition loan and is managing fine. He loves living in halls, it has been great for his first year and he has made good friends there who he is sharing a house with next year. Your DS might be lucky and make friends on the course, but she will probably miss out on lots of the fun if she doesn't live in halls. She should be able to manage fine with a maintenance loan and £400 a month from her dad.

Surely work out your living expenses, food, cleaning products, toiletries, utilities, council tax, etc, and figure out how much she costs to keep. Charge her as much of that as you need to.
Why if she is getting full loans, does her father get to dictate where she goes to uni? It's too late, as UCAS is done now, but that seems odd.

@3WildOnes she wants and needs to go to this university. But I agree with you. It just will not be possible until next year. I am trying to work it out.
I have completely shown her how it is not acceptable by battling for divorce, getting him arrested even, getting away.

My daughter will never rely on a man and is super independent.

OP what a horrible situation. I wouldn't pay any mind to the voting as not everyone will read beyond the headline.

You have been given good advice e on student financing already.

I would draw a distinction between food and rent/bills. Food costs the two of you could quite legitimately split 50/50 now - if she were living in halls she would be buying all her own food. So I would come to an arrangement where she has more control of choosing food but also pays for her portion of it. £100pcm doesn't seem enough even to cover her food costs and it would be totally reasonable for you to ask her to cover this before a penny is discussed for rent or bills. She can live "rent free" while still making a contribution to both food and bills.

The maintenance loan is based on resident parent’s income (and their partner’s income if they live with resident parent). The dad’s wealth won’t be taken into account for the loan calculation

With all the upset going on is that why DD would like to be at home for the first year @BlackStrayCat

@Elodea thank you so much.

@Netcam you are absolutely right, I am going to look at this all again. Thank you.

@gingercat02 yes! Thank you.

@crumblingschools I am worried about this. You are astute!

Are you in the UK? Why has she not applied for a maintenance loan? If you're on a low income that would easily cover hall costs - she'd get up to £10k a year.

How was she planning to afford a house share in her second and third year without the loan?

Your CM was always going to stop when she went to uni, so I think you need to separate that out - it's a different issue.

If she wants to stay at home (and I think she should move out personally) then it's reasonable to charge her rent. Her maintenance loan will be a little bit lower, but she'll still get one, so I think it would be perfectly reasonable to charge her £2-300 a month. Will the loan she will still be loaded.

If she's taking the maintenance loan, the whole point of that is to pay for living expenses. So yes, she should be contributing rent to you out of that, regardless of what her other parent is paying in.

1 hour commute for uni is ridiculous! She should do like others and take out her loans to finance. Otherwise get an apprenticeship - there are some fantastic ones out there!

How much loan will your DD be entitled too? The full amount or minimum?

Even though halls are more per week the first year is generally still cheaper for living out as you don’t pay for a full year as you do with private student rentals.
Your DD is probably better off living out the first year to make friendships groups as most of those happen within those living together.

If your DD gets a loan, uses the £400 from her father and saves up from her job she should be able to manage this and it will remove the financial burden from you.

You don’t sound unreasonable or mean, if things are tight then she should contribute. £25 a week towards food is nothing - if she was away at uni her costs would be much higher.

Another one saying please discuss with your DD going into halls. Its such a pivotal experience of university life. A lot of courses have low contact hours and it can be hard to make meaningful friendships on courses- most ppl make their friends from their 1st year accommodation and that then sets them up for the rest of uni.

If she is staying at home I don't see why £100 a month would be unreasonable given she'd still have 300 plus wages to herself without having to cover bills or food. But please look into loan options to see if living in halls is a possibility- I can't see why it wouldn't be, lots of students with various backgrounds, whose parents aren't giving them 400 a month in a lot of cases can make it work.

If she is living with you then she can apply for a maintenance loan.

This is additional to her fees which the government will cover.

Your ex's income is not relevant to this it's just your income. Have a look here to see how much she could get:

www.gov.uk/student-finance/new-fulltime-students

If you can't afford to keep her with your ex giving her 400 a month rather than you then can you separate food and or agree to split bills etc?

Living in halls is not the be all and end all of uni. My dd hated it and if you have a uni close enough to commute to it's not always missing out on anything.

Depending on your income your dd will get between 4 and 9kish maintenance loan. Then if she gets £400 from her father she will have that as well. It is completely reasonable to ask for a contribution for her living costs if she stays at home. My dd is currently at home after dropping out in February. She still had her room to pay for so we aren't charging her to be at home, plus the circumstances of her coming home were completely beyond her control (sexual assault). But we can afford it, if we couldn't I would ask for a contribution as she is working part-time atm and earning about £200 a week.

She is going to the local, excellent
Uni in September and is intending on taking a shared flat but if she decides to stay at home she will definitely have to pay some of her maintenance loan towards living costs.

Single parent here. Dd lived in halls yrs1&2, the rent came out of her student loan - I earn under 30k so she got the full amount (£9k + maintenance loan).
She is about to go into 3rd year and has decided to move home as won't be out partying etc in the same way she did year 1. Also commutable distance. I am not charging rent as she will get less loan living at home, but there is the expectation to provide for herself - fund her own car, buy food, help with cooking/cleaning etc.
just be aware though that if you are working then as she is an adult, you will loose the 25% single person council tax discount so I don't think you will be unfair expecting your dd to pay the difference there, plus buy her own food. She's getting enough money

Does she want to go to this uni specifically or does she just want to go to university and will accept her dad’s demand that it’s this one? To be honest I think an hour commute is too long for nights out and she’d really benefit socially from being in halls - it’s a great way to meet people. Commuting that far won’t be cheap anyway so I’d look at the cheaper halls options.

Is there good public transport from your house to the uni late at night? Is it a safe journey for a young woman on her own?
It is one thing living at home if you live in the uni city but an hour away is quite a distance. If she goes out for freshers events how will she get home late at night? How will she socialise after freshers?
She could end up spending more on taxis in the evening and travelling to lectures than halls would cost. If the reason that she is staying home is because her father will only give her the £400pm if she does so then don't let her accept it! Don't let her be controlled by money!

I have been reconsidering everything. I had it all set in stone! Some posters have made me realise I have not properly looked into the loan options to make this happen and they are correct. Some posters have looked at this from a legal perspective too. It has been so helpful. Yes, it is 100% true that most friendships are made in the first year and carry on through. Its exactly what happened to me.

Thank you to all those who also think 100 pcm is acceptable. I do too.

I agree with it all.

I basically agree with everyone. Next week I can make a decision. But, I now have a clearer,much clearer perspective on it all.

Thank you everyone. Happy weekend!

What is she always eating? She could just be eating stuff because it’s there.

My family are absolute gluttons when there’s goodies in the house. If I suggest a banana, a ham sandwich, or something that’s not chocolate, biscuits or crisps, they will turn their noses up and not bother eating.

Could it be similar with your daughter? Just eating stuff because it’s there?

I wouldn’t charge my kids if I didn’t need the money. As long as they were working hard and doing laundry etc.

Not from the money from her dad, however the approx £8k living at home maintenance loan( as you are low income) is meant to maintain her so so yes approximately £250-£300 a month towards food rent and bills is reasonable.

That would makes sense if they have the minimum loan, but £8k a year fun money plus in this case £400 a month is not doing your child any favours.

No I don't charge my eldest and won't my youngest.
The eldest loan covers her travel and the wages lost on her work placement month in August and she works to pay for all toiletries, petrol, clothes etc. I just keep a few dinners in she likes.
The youngest will have the same applied in September when she goes and is also living at home.