11 year old wants ear piercing

[Kira4]

My 11yo has really got a bee in her bonnet about wanting new ear piercings. She had had her ears pierced (lobes) when she was 8 (she’d been asking for ages) and now she wants a second lobe piercing and to get a piercing further up her ear (she said it’s called a helix).

Her dad initially told her a resounding no but that we’d discuss it because she keeps on about it. There was a suspicion that some of her friends (and maybe her) were planning to sneakily go and get pierced without telling anyone (don’t think/hope they'd have been successful) so I’m a bit relieved she’s openly asking and wanting to discuss it with us (she can be quite charming and persuasive when she wants to be!)

I’m inclined to compromise and use the second lobe piercing as a carrot/reward over the summer but do think the higher up ear piercing is something she’s way too young for. Would they even do that on a kid even with parental permission? Her dad and I will have to agree and suspect he won’t budge on either.

You are the parent, so you are absolutely allowed to say "no".

Imo she’s too young for anymore piercings other than the one she’s got now, and it’s fine to tell her no, regardless of how charming and persuasive she is! It would do her good!

If you want to soften it tell her what age you think the piercing will be okay. I am fairly relaxed about this stuff as long as it is done with a needle, but it is okay to say no if you aren't comfortable.

Oh I know I can tell her no but I want to do it for the right reasons. I’d rather she thinks we hear her out and make a fair decision than we just dismiss her. I don’t want her sneaking to get piercings or things when she’s a teenager. I want her to think she can can discuss it with us even if she doesn’t get the answer she wants in the end.

From someone with a fair amount of piercings, I’d say 13 is around the age for her to start getting more but no earlier, providing she does her research, pays herself and goes to a proper piercing/tattoo studio

I'd say yes to the second lobe snd helix when 13.

Helix is a cartilage piercing and I think reputable piercers won't do them under 12 as they're more painful and take longer to heal (certainly the case where I live)

A second piercing in her ear lobe can’t do anymore harm than one can it?

The reality is she’ll end up not wearing it I bet cos she plays a lot of sport and ends up losing the earrings she has in changing rooms all the time so not bothering to wear them for ages.

I agree that 13 seems fair for the second lobes and she can think about helix later.

Does she know how painful helix piercings are?!

I’d sell it as a teenage privilege

Thanks. This is the proper name is it? I’d never heard the actual name before and really don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as young as dd with one

Or course she doesn’t! She has done an impressive amount of research on them though- has basically made a digital mood board of them to show us 😂

No, a Helix piercing is at the top of the ear. You're talking about a 2nd hole on the lobe right?. Yeah I'd let her do it as you say and use it as a reward/bribe.

Despite pleading, begging and tantrums, I told DD she would not be getting her ears pierced until she was 16. Eventually she only asked occasionally, I still said the same thing. She got the message, and had them done in the summer holidays just before she was 16.
You just have to keep saying no, if you don't want her to have them done.

Helix absolutely not... that would be a 'when you are 16 and have a part time job' deal.
I'd be surprised if school will allow a second lobe piercing tbh..most schools are 'one set of small studs only.

You can definitely just say no!

Decent piercers won’t do cartilage piercings under the age of 16, so I think it’s a no for that reason. I’d allow second lobes though, that’s fine. But go to a proper piercer (not Claire’s!) so they get the placement right.

She wants a second hole on the lobe and a piercing she says is called a helix that is kind of on the side further up her ear (not at the very top, about 3/4 of the way up).

Second lobe I wouldn’t have a problem with at all and I’m a bit of a stick in the mud in most other aspects of parenting.

Helix piercings are a hard no, they take a year to properly heal, hurt like absolute fuck, you can’t sleep on that side for months, ANY knock will have her screaming in pain, get infected easily, leave big scarred lumps. Absolutely not. Source: I have a helix both ears from when I was a pissed 18yo do not recommend

I don’t really have an issue with the second lobe piercing tbh though but I don’t know much about piercings. Her dad would have to agree and would want to use it as a carrot rather than just let her get it immediately but agree the helix sounds like something she’s way too young for.

Thank you

Just a brief look at some reputable piercers' websites and they all say must be over 14.

She absolutely cannot get a helix done with a gun, it risks shattering the cartilage and will never properly heal.

Show her some pictures of the aftermath and she'll be put off at least until she is old enough to get it done properly.

It’s a very painful piercing often done with a needle not a gun like in Claire’s. I had mine as a 40 year old smd it was painful, I love it but I don’t think it’s a piercing for an 11 year old. I would just say no on thos from now let her chose when she’s 16/18.

Will do. She’s really squeamish and has always been terrified of needles tbh (she says she’s not anymore 😂) so hopefully won’t be too hard to deter her from the helix for a few years.

Im not up to do with care advice for lobe piercings now, do you have to clean/twist them regularly, or change them etc? Basically is she old enough to take all that on by herself?

I have two helix piercings and they definitely didn't take anything like a year to heal, BUT they were a faff when healing. My youngest one is about 5 yrs old so maybe advice has changed but I was told to clean it twice a day and it did really hurt for weeks and even after that you can't sleep on the side for a looong time after. I can't imagine an 11 yr old who could deal with all that well independently, tbh not even a 13 yr old.

Personally I would just let her have both. Double ones first. Then if she's fine with them the helix. Ear piercings heal up well and don't scar much if she decides she doesn't want them.