To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

[ReLOa]

In a stressful job and single parent to nursery age child. I have 570 left after all bills and childcare and petrol, excluding food. What is the actual point in this?! We can’t do much at weekends and holidays are out of the question. I’m supposedly in a highly paid job (earn 70k) and I feel like giving up. Just been paid and looking ahead at the month I’ve already had to turn down some things like an adventure park day with friends as it was 28 pounds entry and a 35 mile round trip. I feel like I’m failing yet not sure what more I can possibly do?!

It's not quite high at all council tax is extortionate, I pay £160 a month on electricity alone, she's likely paying out £400 of that on utilities and council tax then she has car insurance, water, tv licence mobile phone and any credit cards she's forced to use for emergencies such as car maintenance, house repairs or essentials when the money just doesn't stretch.

I know people mean well and hopefully there are some cut backs she can make to scrape by, I honestly hope she wasn't claiming tax free childcare and 15 hours funded or something and she sees this and now she can and life gets abit easier for her. I'm hoping her bill isn't 1800 a month after these things have been used. If it is I would look into a registered child minder instead.

I thought so. Reported. Imagine going on to a thread to personally attack someone and be happy about it.

Once she’s in school you’ll have an extra £1600 to play with - minus wrap around care which won’t be as much. How long til she starts school?

I still think that may be where she can find savings. If she can list her fixed outgoings, and any discounts she's already applied and maybe who she's with/ when she last did a price comparison, people may have suggestions.

Eg - are you claiming the 25% single person discount on council tax OP?

I too really hope that the mumsnet hive mind can help her make savings. I agree that it's really shit that someone earning a top 5% salary - who is paying £1400 a month in income tax and NI and hence is subsiding other people in our society - feels like she's struggling and can't afford a day out with her DC.

I think the OP's situation has little to do with people worse off financially than herself (I'm much worse off, but nevertheless have sympathy for her and her stressful situation), but a lot to do with societal and political issues such as ingrained sexism resulting in lack of childcare support, lack of support from fathers (we don't know in this situation, but too often the child's dad isn't paying half the childcare costs or maintenance towards other expenses, which would make a big difference, or actually looking after the child while OP is at work, depending on his own work requirements), lack of family and community as people tend to live further apart and more isolated than in the past, absurdly high housing costs on top.of the current cost of living issues, cuts to child benefit, etc. etc.. There's a lot that's unfair and should be addressed but I see it as affecting all women, parents, children, and not a reason to bash people on benefits or those like the OP on very high salaries but still finding things hard due to factors that require change at a political level.

Thank you @Tunefultwix at least some people get it😊

When I was working ft as a single parent with a dc in ft nursery I was only a tenner a week better off than unemployed on benefits.

But the long term benefits are huge.

Thanks again. Yep, we need wealth redistribution to happen or we would all be f*cked.

Absolutely disgusting isn't it. Its really not that easy to claim DLA.

@ReLOa I'm a lone parent to DD15.
Early years were absolutely the worst and most expensive and I was on about the same as you when she was 2/3 years old.

Can I ask what you do for work? I know this is going to sound like the last thing you want to hear but if you can, now is the time to try and climb and push yourself hard rather than cave to the pressure of the financial burden of lone parenting.

People often don't get that it's hard as a lone parent despite being on a decent salary.

But if you are in an industry where you can progress and there is higher earning potential...knuckle down and do it now.

A few things to consider: flexible working: if you could reduce your hours on a temporary basis to take your salary below £50k to get child benefit AND loose the 40% tax, would you gain and also save more on nursery fees (with the less hours) than the extra take home currently is?
If the nursery will still charge regardless for the full week, is it worth considering extra pension contributions to take you down a tax bracket & gaining child benefit? Or reducing hours and doing something else (for yourself)

Alternatively work for a promotion, and/or ask for, and justify a pay rise (women tend not to ask)

@Vettrianofan @Tunefultwix

Are you one person with one account?

It isn’t about you or your situation. It is about ops and how she can manage with colossal costs which are giving her a poor return on a good salary.

I'm not of child nursery years, too old for that! When mine were small, I was very lucky that I could work round them, play school (as it was then) and my parents helped a lot. My daughter and son in law are very very lucky as I do (and have done more in the past) a hell of a lot of the child care/ nursery run/ school run etc. At one point, when my daughter was on uni placement, I had her toddler every day for 10 weeks and 12 weeks. The amount it would have cost in nursery fees would have been horrendous, and that was a few years ago.

I find it incredible, and hats off to the parents, that the charges are so high and yet parents keep plugging away, even if they might be marginally better off on benefits. It must be very disheartening but at least with nursery fees there's a definite end in sight. For all of those parents who pay a fortune and don't have any help, good on you.

I have as much right to comment on the thread as you do.

Indeed. But you didn’t comment to help did you? Told op to cut her cloth. Just stuck the boot in and then complained that is wasn’t about DLA. How dare are woman earn a good salary eh? It wasn’t about you. If you can’t see the optics of that then it is kind of proving the points of the posters who called you out for it.

@whistleblower99 are you moderating the thread and here to dictate what is a valid comment and what isn't?

No. Equally you aren’t here to moderate what op can and can’t discuss. I know it is hard to understand but not everything is a race to the bottom and higher earners don’t have to constantly pander to those who are not. It is a terrible look. It’s not about me. It’s not just me. Many posters raised issue with the comment.

It certainly is not all about you either. If you don't like my comment that's fine. You've said it several times now 😬 you've made your point.

I know which is why I haven’t been on the thread discussing other circumstances and constantly kicking the boot into a woman that is struggling for kicks. I am glad the comments got called out - not by just by me but many other posters. Far too many women on here too quick to kick the boot into another struggling woman with her only crime is that she is successful.

What about PIP/UC/DLA isn’t relevant here.

Op is in a shitty situation; I’ve been there. Do all the right things to be turning things down when on paper you earn well.

I will always vehemently defend people like the op who are constantly attacked by other women trying to drag them down. The women of this world - especially this country are so under represented in high earning or skilled jobs because of the tax policies and child care policies in this country.

As many posters have raised on this thread - tall poppy syndrome. You have to be vocal about defending women from this shit as so many of you want to tear people like the op down. So no, looking at the posters who constantly tear into people like the op - the point is far from made. Who needs a male dominated society to keep women down when women do a good job of that themselves. How very know your place.

Exactly what I was saying, whilst also noting sociopolitical factors, often stacked against women and single mothers, involved and hoping there can be action and awareness aimed at changing these.

Indeed - your later posts addressed this. Not everyone’s did though. It won’t change. Look at the posts on here. Look at any posts on threads with higher earners. When you point out that other countries fund childcare for all - ohhh higher earners shouldn’t have that - so entitled. So on and so forth. Higher earners are here to milk for all they can pay whilst not entitled to anything in return because ‘equal pooling’ and such bollocks.

All it does is drag women down. Funnily enough, the males I work with really worry about this stuff. We are not a progressive country. We are losing a lot of talent from the workforce. Yet a women heavy forum? Couldn’t care less. How dare they earn more and complain.

Yes that seems like a decent estimate for that income level. 765 could easily be consumed by;
council tax - 150
electric - 100
water - 50
gas - 50
broadband - 40
car payments (or maintenence) - 150
car insurance - 50
house insurance - 30
car tax - 30
mobile phone - 15
outstanding credit cards ?

The figures above are estimates based on some of my own bills (except for car payments). It totals to £665 and that doesn't include any outstanding credit card bills or loan repayments the OP might have.
I agree that OP could give a bit more of breakdown on bills as there might be tips to reduce some. Broadband can be lowered by shopping around and it's always good to keep on top of energy tariffs.

I was watching Rich House, Poor House on Netflix. I'm the first episode the mother from the 'poor house' commented 'why does anybody need £1200 per week'. It was obvious that all she'd ever known was struggle.

Once she got into the swing of things she was happily spending £60 on a trip to the butchers.

Nobody is denying that those on low income have it hard, but it doesn't negate the pain of earning £70k and only ending up with £7k after paying tax, childcare, mortgage and bills.