Wouldn't be friends with ... AIBU to judge her for this?

[FrancieM]

Last night I went out to someone's leaving drinks at work, afterwards me and two my colleagues went to meet with one of their girlfriends who had been out too.
We were all quite drunk, I have met this girl a number of times and I quite liked her. We have a brunch just the two of us for Sunday.

I don't remember exactly how it came up but she mentioned that she's only really friends with people who went to private school. She explained that she finds some (not all) people who went to state schools like to discredit her success (she's 6 years younger than me, making 15k more than me in the same job more or less so she's doing well!). That she's appreciates she is privileged but that can only take you so far and she's also worked really hard. So generally she finds others who went to private school aren't so keen to bring her down a peg or two and value her success.
I think I jokingly drunkenly responded that she and her boyfriend are my only friends who went to private school (I went to a grammar school). She was clearly drunk so I wasn't taking her too seriously.
The conversation continued and we talked about groups of people that we don't really have any friends from or wouldn't be friends with (all white innocent stuff like people who post there every move on social media).
Then she said very much unprovoked "oh I'm not really friends with fat people" now this took me back. I asked her to explain and she said that she doesn't mean someone who's just a little overweight but someone who is obese. She said she just assumes they are quite lazy and wouldn't enjoy most of her hobbies and that she knows it mean but she does judge. Now I don't get this one, and really when I look on her instagram all her friends are size 6-8 stunning girls. She's a 6 but lives an almost unsustainably active life.

At the time I just brushed it off and changed the topic but now I'm thinking about it - it's awfully mean. I told my closest friend and she said that while she doesn't agree with it, she understands but thinks it's one of those thoughts that should be kept quiet.

Now I'm not sure what next, she's the first new friend I've had in years, we have a good laugh and I was actually really looking forward to a girly brunch. My others friends all have kids now (I have a 19 month old and it's nice to have a non mum friend who doesn't want to speak about kids all the time).
She's intelligent, well spoken etc. so makes for a good sober conversation (clearly her drunk chat leaves a lot to be desired).

So I guess my AIBU to judge the opinions she disclosed drunk and to be considering cancelling brunch/ending the short lived friendship off the back of it?
Or do we all have our less nice side and this is just hers?

I mean, she sounds like a bitch. I don't know how else you can spin it, really.

Nope. She sounds like an arsehole.

im sure if we all dig deep enough we have opinions that would be unsavoury to others, I wouldn’t be too bothered about this to be honest.

Sounds like she lacks a bit of life experience and hopefully if she is a decent person, her opinions will evolve and change over the years.

As a PP said, judge people by how they treat others.

I couldn't be friends with somebody like that.

You want to make excuses for her.

I don't understand why you started the thread tbh.

Ahh she just sounds young and dumb. Don’t write her off over a drunken rant. She’ll look back in a few years and cringe don’t worry.

I think this woman is saying things that no one should say out loud and my assumption about someone who voices theses kinds of things is that they're not very bright.

Sorry but the comments you've quoted are proper Dumpkopf territory. Go to brunch to be polite but then run for the hills. I don't personally make time for people like this

Sorry to say but school never comes because you went to state school … privately educated talk a lot about that (as in, which school exactly, do you
know so and so, etc), especially the ones who went to most prestigious boarding schools, and they sniff each other out by accent and mannerisms…without needing to ask “did you go to private school”. I used to hang out with this crowd and school is more important than uni

I am a self made from another country so found it all quite bizarre. But it is what it is

I can't stand judgemental people and she sounds like one on multiple levels.

It would be a hard no from me.

But you are 29, aren’t you?

I think that once you feel the need to start a public thread to bash the negatives of someone that they clearly aren’t a friend so that should give you the answer you are looking for.

Isn't it wonderful when you think you have made a new friend and then you suddenly realise that they are a raging snob,/racist/homophobe.
Sadly it has happened to most people at some point, and it is so disappointing.

She sounds quite thick.

Neither of you sound great. Work on yourself and ditch her.

All that glitters is not gold.

Well, personally, I couldn’t be friends with such a snob, but horses for courses and all that!

Banging on about your achievements to make yourself feel better than others is a sign of major insecurity.

@FrancieM

She's intelligent

Clearly she isn’t- intelligent people don’t make ill informed judgements like those.

It baffles me how she would know what schools people went to - it's not usually a talking point in the workplace. I couldn't tell you what sort of school any of my colleagues went to, even those I've known for 20 years.

Prepared to get flamed for this but -
I’m not friends with any fat people. I don’t mean people who are a size 16/18 uk, or who have a health condition (mental or physical) but genuinely fat people who clearly just don’t work out or eat well.
I think it’s lazy and indicates they don’t care much for themselves, so I wouldn’t be friends with them.
I know from having these conversations with a whole host of people that others feel the same as me.
No one would blame if I said I didn’t want to be friends with a drug addict or an alcoholic or someone else who was making incredibly unhealthy choices, so why is it different when someone is fat - which is also an incredibly unhealthy choice?
So ultimately I actually agree with her.

Same. Totally irrelevant in adulthood. Unless you are a weirdo.

If you went to a top private school or boarding school then you’d be shocked how important this remains. It’s like a secret club and comes up quite often!

What are you wittering on about? My dearest loveliest life enhancing friend is over weight who cares?

Yes but who wants to be friends with public school knobbers? Each other only,

I think it's a very typical response from people these days to block/cancel/cut out anyone who doesn't have the same views they do.

If you like her, be friends. If you don't agree with her views, then challenge her on it. Maybe she'll become a nicer person?

And given that half of Mumsnet hates fat people (thinly disguised as concern for their health), I don't think her views are that contentious. Not pleasant but typical for her demographic I would say.

Well she thinks alot of herself doesn't she. Whats school or someone's weight /looks have to do with anything i think that says everything you need to know tbh.

Hahahaha shes not insecure at all, shes just an arsehole. Shes told you who she is and it now comes down to whether you have a backbone and walk away or be an arsehole by association. Shes the mean girl in grown up form.