Bringing a SEN child to an expensive holiday

[sandygrapes]

That is known for being good with children and families. It's not an adult only or 'popular with adults only'

H thinks we can't go there with him because people pay too much £££ to be disturbed like that

Thing is, he is non verbal and noisy, that's true. He shouts and makes loud stimming noises when both happy and upset/frustrated

But, I have noticed sadly that even though he is loud and obviously incredibly unusual in his behaviours for the average passer by, I often see I act 10 times more respectfully and cautiously than those of other DC, who don't obviously have his care needs and are just being DC. They're often allowed to do stuff I just wouldn't allow in public like running about and getting in peoples way without apology

His favourite thing is food and water/swimming! He would love it

We usually go away in cheaper places and have been surprised that we keep finding AI's with little to NO English people and found the Spanish/Greeks and Turks incredibly accepting and just very 'live and let live'. You get a feel they aren't always looking or shocked. That type of thing which is quite common back home in the UK

AIBU to think we should take him despite all the noise?

As someone with no kids who struggles with noise I would be way more irritated by screeching and bellowing drunk adults and uncontrolled poorly behaved noisy NT kids (like I said I have no kids so have standards that are entirely unachievable!) than by a child who was ND and noisy. It’s the same concept in my brain as when toddlers and babies are just doing what they do and aren’t able to regulate their behaviour for my benefit!

If I want peace and quiet I will go to a villa or to an adults only place.
If they would love the holiday go on the holiday!

I was about to ask if it was Sani or Ikos. Both are huge complexes and should be used to guests with specific needs. I’d contact them and ask about recommended rooms that meet your needs - near the pool for easy access/in a family area/near outdoor space etc.
Go and enjoy your holiday!

What a ridiculous thing to say. Do only children at state schools have siblings, friends or relatives with special needs? Not to mention partnership links between schools. One of the most judgy things I've seen on Mumsnet.

Please go and have a wonderful time! We are just back from a long awaited, AI holiday in Greece with our three. What an amazing time we had, great memories made in a fantastic, noisy, friendly resort. I feel so grateful to have given my kids that experience and you & your son are entitled to that just as much as anyone.

The pool area had such a buzz and 'white noise' about it (lots of slides etc) so stimming might not seem as loud to others as you may think it would? Not that it would bother me but just if that would help your DH relax a bit more.

Our next door neighbour in the hotel was so loud - screaming at her kids most mornings & evenings. Give me an excited/happy child over that any day!

Yes I would definitely take him, sounds like he’ll love it and you deserve the holiday too. We took Sen dd last year to a fairly high end resort. Because it was a family resort no one batted an eye lid, it was full of excitable children. I have eyes in the back of my head with dd as she does like to get up to mischief. A lot of other parents weren’t watching their kids a lot of the time and we saw all types of behaviour going on. Dd was very well behaved compared even though she can be extremely noisy. She wasn’t the only Sen child there either.

He is a quiet sleeper but will wake up at about 4.30/5am and make noise sadly

Absolute heh at the notion that kids in the state sector are accepting of SN. If only.

Just let the hotel know. There will be rooms that are better insulated than others.

But OP your live must be tiring. You need a break. Go and enjoy it. I really hope you meet the 90% of people who are understanding and not the 10% of people who are arseholes.

I find your husband’s attitude odd.

Your DC has the same right to a nice holiday as anyone’s. Also, if he thinks your child’s noise would disturb people, why is that ok for people who have booked a cheaper holiday and not an expensive one? (And to be clear I’m saying it’s ok in either scenario!)

You know that disabled kids grow up in many cases to be disabled adults. Imagine you encounter this during an adults only holiday. Shock horror!

take the child (leave the H behind).

To be fair I don’t like any kind of other adults either, NT or not 😂
Remote airbnbs are a godsend.
but that’s my choice, I wouldn’t book an AI then moan about it.

I have a two year old - she's not autistic, but she is two, and being vocal is one of her favourite things!

I certainly wouldn't take her to a swanky restaurant or cocktail bar (don't imagine you'd subject your son to these either!), but if she's whooping with joy at the beach or the pool, I'm damn well going to let her. It's the kids holiday too.

Go OP, and enjoy every minute!

I’d probably go somewhere that has a big “active pool” and a “quiet relax” pool. The active pools at those places are so noisy, in my opinion, that children can make as much noise as they like and no-one will bat an eyelid and there is fairly loud music playing in the background.

The holiday makers who are looking for peace and quiet will have gone off the quiet pool. I know quite a bit about some of these resorts as I have an autistic DC who isn’t good with noise, so we pick holidays like that so she can spend time in the quieter area but we take it in turns to take the others to the noisier area.

The bigger holiday village/Tui type resorts often have multiple areas and loads of space to get about too. Plus the all inclusive/multiple snack bar set ups mean that you never have to wait for food for too long!

@sandygrapes

Based on your up date about early waking, could you find a resort with individual villas? I don't think it's fair to be making excessive noise on holiday before 10am ever, and that includes young children, thankfully I had a lazy pair that even at a year old would happily snooze until I woke them up for breakfast at 9

I would add I have an autistic dd who would be very upset by random noise, she won't go to swimming pools too noisy! That said I wouldn't take her to that sort of resort as a kid, all autistic people are different. She's the quiet semi mute type!

If you are going to the Holiday Village in Rhodes, you really don’t need to worry!

We went there one August and made the mistake of staying close to the “relax pool”. That pool was actually full of noisy adults (as well as lots of lively DC) who were riding about the pool on inflatable flamingos, to get to the swim up bar for their cocktails, or dancing by the pool and singing along karaoke style to the singer who sang things like “Rolling on the river” at loud volume all day… no need to worry about disturbing anyone at all 🙈

It also has a big restaurant which is already noisy with kids and cutlery clattering etc.

Go. If people go to a family hotel with kids then they should expect kids to be there and that will inevitably involve some noise- from toddlers, babies too etc.

If people want a really quiet holiday with no kid noises then they should go to an adults only hotel.

The daytime noise wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I was there with my own excitable kids. I'd be happy to see your boy enjoying himself!

As others have said, night time noise may be an issue. If I or my kids were woken at 5am every day we'd be knackered and the lack of sleep would spoil our holiday to be honest (appreciate you deal with this all the time OP). So I'd probably talk to the company and try for a villa or an end apartment where his room isn't next to anyone.

Good luck and hope you find a good holiday option and enjoy yourselves!

Same here. Day time noise- go for it, not a problem as my kids could be quite noisy when playing too and people should expect that.

However, being really honest, I think I would struggle being woken up at 5am every day. I get super grumpy without sleep and it would impact my enjoyment of the holiday. A villa would be a good option though.

Hope you all have a great time!

Agree with the comments about France - avoid!

Before 10? Really?

I had a unicorn baby that slept through and laid in until gone 10. Then he reached 18 months and regressed awfully oh how I miss those sleepy days!

I was very smug about it. If only I knew

Agree that you really need to talk to the hotel about finding accommodation that is a little away from others. Totally unfair to be making noise at 5 am.

If I was a guest in a neighbouring room I would be furious and very upset . I think most people would.

To be honest , if I was on holiday and there was a lot of noise / children having meltdowns etc I would find it hugely annoying / stressful , hence we tend to do villa holidays in quiet locations.

I think it's completely reasonable to take him if you want to and if you think he would enjoy it. He has as much right to be there as anyone else.

My only concern is whether your DH would be able to relax if he was constantly feeling guilty/worrying about what others were thinking.

I don’t think even the nighttime noise would be too much of an issue in a luxury resort. The rooms are often spaced out a fair bit. I’d contact them beforehand and explain the situation, ask for a room that’s out of the way and ask if there is one that’s better at containing noise. And remember with the time difference he’ll probably sleep in a little later than normal.