Bringing a SEN child to an expensive holiday

[sandygrapes]

That is known for being good with children and families. It's not an adult only or 'popular with adults only'

H thinks we can't go there with him because people pay too much £££ to be disturbed like that

Thing is, he is non verbal and noisy, that's true. He shouts and makes loud stimming noises when both happy and upset/frustrated

But, I have noticed sadly that even though he is loud and obviously incredibly unusual in his behaviours for the average passer by, I often see I act 10 times more respectfully and cautiously than those of other DC, who don't obviously have his care needs and are just being DC. They're often allowed to do stuff I just wouldn't allow in public like running about and getting in peoples way without apology

His favourite thing is food and water/swimming! He would love it

We usually go away in cheaper places and have been surprised that we keep finding AI's with little to NO English people and found the Spanish/Greeks and Turks incredibly accepting and just very 'live and let live'. You get a feel they aren't always looking or shocked. That type of thing which is quite common back home in the UK

AIBU to think we should take him despite all the noise?

As a fellow SEN parent go for it! Your child and you are entitled to an amazing holiday as much as the next person.

I hope you do go and have a wonderful time, but I’m going to be honest. I can cope with noise in the day when I’m free to move away but if my sleep was disturbed regularly by noise (whatever the cause) I would be complaining and trying to move to a different room.

Don’t go to France as people there tend to stare at you if your kid is having a meltdown and it’s awful, although I think you mentioned it was greece

I think you'll have a lovely time and so you should! My very loud, pda, asd,adhd bonkers ds just about copes with resorts but we learnt to go super early to all the meals so its quieter and get it over super fast before it got loud. We avoided the night entertainment and just got him settled with a tablet and headphones and brought drinks to the room.

Yes he stimmed at the pool during the day and was a bit of a loon as he is but meh, I have a thick skin after years of it.

Plan ahead and enjoy your fabulous holiday.

Of course you should go. Sounds perfect for your family. You and your child have as much right to a holiday as everyone else. Have a wonderful time 😊

We are currently on holiday in Greece with my dd who sounds a lot like your child. We went for a villa as my child likes time alone to self regulate and a resort would be too difficult for her to retreat to her room each time she was over stimulated. She also is a runner so a busy resort wouldn’t be that relaxing for us (I also have 2 other children to consider) the villa has been perfect for her. When out and about the locals have been extremely understanding of her noise. (We are rural so very Greek) the only problem we’ve had is finding food she will eat, she’s mainly eaten bread and tomatoes but I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem in a resort.

Absolutely take him. And please have a serious talk with your DH about not discriminating against DS.

He will unfortunately face enough of that from others, he needs his dad to absolutely prioritise him.

I suppose you are not going to leave him as other parents leave his NT peers, so what the problem?
If you are worried about noise you might benefit from a particular place near the pool or a particular table at the restaurant, some hours for meals might be more preferable than the others. Maybe you can think what accommodation would be easier for you e.g ground floor so you don’t need to wait for the lift. So of course you should think it through but the main goal of all his thinking is that you and your child would have a better holiday.
Are you going to put him in kids club for activities?

Judging? Much? Of course none of them will have siblings with special needs...

I have a SEN child and the only thing I'd be thinking of if I was you was whether your child will enjoy it, and that it won't cause too much distress.

Mine would love it!

If yours would too then he has just as much right to enjoy a holiday as any one else.

The world is disabling enough without his own dad putting walls and barriers up for him when he should be breaking them down.

Wow, I’d love to go to Ikos…

Definitley go, and have an amazing time!

We went to Sani once (with two autistic ADHD children, one of whom had regular meltdowns), and it was great. The staff were fab. We found the restaurants you had to book a bit more difficult than the buffet style ones, as sometimes people were trying to have quiet meals, but altogether a much better experience than regular 4/5* hotels in the med, where people (especially English tourists) have been a lot more judgemental. And a lot of the other clearly much wealthier guests there with children at dinner had them on iPads with headphones, something I had been too self conscious to allow my kids to do before. Whatever works, you deserve a nice holiday too!

I wouldn’t I couldn’t relax for worrying which I think is what you DH will be like

The only thing I would say is - are you going to be able to relax and enjoy it without worrying all the time that your child is annoying other people?
If so then go for it.
You sound like you know how to manage his behaviours the best you can. Do what suits your family.

Op you are such a lovely person to think about others in the way you are but please don’t worry and go enjoy it. I can’t ever imagine this bothering me on holidays or home, I would be delighted to see a family having a nice trip!

I'm so sorry.

I'm autistic and sympathise with op, but I sympathise with you too. I hope you find a peaceful holiday.

It's tough being an autistic adult who can see themselves in children but who also want a quiet holiday.

Op is a good person for trying to find this correct balance it must be tough!

We went on holiday one year and we're waiting to board the plane home. A lady and her mum where accompanied by the lady's son in a wheelchair who was non verbal. He was happily babbling away and people were looking at him funny 😞 I went over to say hello and the mum was trying to shush him. I told her not to be daft that I knew what it was like with the funny looks as I look after my niece 4 days a week who is non verbal and severely disabled too. I spoke to the wee boy and he ended up kissing my hand and the mum had tears as nobody usually took the time to talk to him.
Take your son on the holiday and have the most amazing time with him ❤️

We go to Sani with SEN DD, they're great with kids.

I'v never really seen couples there, just families and in my experience those with younger families these days are much more open minded about this sort of thing.

Take him and have a wonderful time

Id happily have your son over the man who smoked over us today ....take him..he and you deserve it

I wouldn't mind this type of noise on holiday, the worst thing is drunk adults, much worse than any child however noisy badly behaved or badly parented (not that yours is obviously).

Night time noise is potentially more annoying but hotel walls are usually thick enough. Again it's normally drunk adults getting back late and banging doors that causes the most disturbance, I don't recall ever being disturbed at night by screaming babies on a hotel (other than my own!)

The expensive resort thing is a bit snobby - why is it ok to potentially disturb a poor person's holiday but not a rich person's? Ask your husband what his logic is

Take him. Family resorts are for all families. Adults who don't want to be disturbed can go to adult only resorts.

Sadly this is true! I also always used to notice how ‘behaved’ the French children were in restaurants, even really little ones just sitting there perfectly for hours with no extras like colouring books or anything.

Then I read a Guardian article about the many autistic children in France still sent to institutions and how the general attitude there to autism and SEN is very, very behind. They are generally hidden away from society.

It would not bother me one bit if he made lots of noise during the day. I am far more preoccupied with entertaining my own children, I probably wouldn’t even notice with the general noise all of the children at the resort would be making.

I agree with PPs though that if he is really noisy at night that might be unfair for the people in the rooms around you.

I’ve got two autistic boys and I’ve found the opposite. A huge generalisation but less wealthy people tend to be less well educated whereas a wealthy people tend to be better Wi-Fi aged and far more accepting of my children’s behaviours.

I always opted for a villa with my DS. I also found that better educated persons were definitely more tolerant.