Bringing a SEN child to an expensive holiday

[sandygrapes]

That is known for being good with children and families. It's not an adult only or 'popular with adults only'

H thinks we can't go there with him because people pay too much £££ to be disturbed like that

Thing is, he is non verbal and noisy, that's true. He shouts and makes loud stimming noises when both happy and upset/frustrated

But, I have noticed sadly that even though he is loud and obviously incredibly unusual in his behaviours for the average passer by, I often see I act 10 times more respectfully and cautiously than those of other DC, who don't obviously have his care needs and are just being DC. They're often allowed to do stuff I just wouldn't allow in public like running about and getting in peoples way without apology

His favourite thing is food and water/swimming! He would love it

We usually go away in cheaper places and have been surprised that we keep finding AI's with little to NO English people and found the Spanish/Greeks and Turks incredibly accepting and just very 'live and let live'. You get a feel they aren't always looking or shocked. That type of thing which is quite common back home in the UK

AIBU to think we should take him despite all the noise?

Of course you should go if you want, but I also think that if either you/DH are going to spend the week stressed and worried, it may be worth thinking of other options. It's not much of a holiday otherwise.

I have to say, I haven't not been 24/7 on call carer for a good few years now with DC, but I remember my days without DC

I was always able to just block out whatever mayhem was going on when on flights or by a pool because it was not my problem to deal with I just felt relieved!

Who are these people going to family friendly ai resorts for peace and quiet?

Go on your hols… if people are bothered, tough luck.

We go cruising, and there are adults and children with a range of needs - I’ve never seen anyone bat an eyelid.

If I was on holiday and a child was stimming at the next dinner table or on the sunbed next to me I would think they have as much right to be there as me and I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

I can understand where your dh is coming from though because I guess he wants to feel relaxed and ultimately that’s important. But he needs to remind himself you guys have as much right to take up space in this world as anyone. I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Cruising is also a great shout - usually very well set up for children and adults with a wide range of additional needs.

Absolutely go on holiday! Enjoy it 🌞

Thanks so much, I didn't think I would be reassured so much and not have to prepare myself for a lot of harsh truths!

I am working on convincing H that it's do different to any other holiday with AI

It is IKos not our usual budget. But a lovely relative has insisted on gifting us a lovely break. She's just got divorced and is adamant she's treating me to her favourite holiday resort

Go go go! I used to be embarrassed about my autistic DD’s behaviour and then I just got over it - you see all sorts of behaviour and he does indeed have a right to enjoy a nice holiday.

My dd made a huge mess in several lovely Spanish paradores when she was younger and the staff couldn’t have been nicer. Same when I had to take her out screaming from a restaurant.

If it’s a family friendly place with lots of children about then it’s fine as it’ll already be noisy and kids making all kinds of noise being kids. But I’d be wary if your DC also makes a lot of noise at night time as that’s when you may get complaints if he’s disturbing others at night as of course they will want a good nights sleep and will likely complaint to the hotel. You could request a room at an end possibly to mitigate.

I haven't been (sadly) but I would imagine that there is much more space in those resorts, so that people can withdraw and have more privacy if it all gets a bit overstimulating. I can't imagine anyone (even wealthy patrons 🤔!) will be upset at seeing a little boy having a lovely time.

I’ve never been to an AI, am doing so this year (now have a DC who I think would like it). I’ve assumed it’s going to be noisy so it wouldn’t bother me at all plus my Dd is like a foghorn so I doubt I would be noticing anyone elses kids, just focussed on my own.

He has just as much right as anyone else to go on a holiday. I hope you all enjoy it and get some r&r in.

Last time I was an AI in a quiet resort area people were swimming at 11 and making a lot of racket but some noise is pretty normal on holiday

Did you at attempt to clean the 'huge mess' or did you just expect the 'lovely staff' to clear up your child's mess? Special needs or not I think it's basic parenting to clean up after your child or is it that she has learning difficulties that you're exempt from cleaning up after her?

This is why I book adult only hotels and will pay more for it. Your child has the right to be on holiday and be as noisy as he wants to be but I also have the right to not want to be exposed to their noise and screams so instead of me being upset by your autistic screaming child (I am autistic and I'm also dying of cancer) I just won't book any kind of holiday where children are at all.

The only way it would bother me would be if he was awake shouting till late at night/through the night as walls can be very thin. But it's lovely to see kids having a great time and clear that you're a great mum so if night shouting is not a problem then I think you should go and make some fantastic memories.

Then you must go. S/he must be a good friend to make such a generous offer. Your family deserves a fabulous holiday just as much as the rest of the families there.

Not to be a downer but I'm on a very popular Ikos group and recently there have been so many threads about badly behaved kids (which yours isn't). The resort and staff are lovely but the crowd that does visit these resorts are coming there with expectations to get their money's worth.

@ilovevinyl hahaha what a delight you are! Of course we did.

It is IKos not our usual budget. But a lovely relative has insisted on gifting us a lovely break. She's just got divorced and is adamant she's treating me to her favourite holiday resort

Presumably she feels Ikos would be good enough for your son then!

I don't think you should hold back. I've been to Ikos and the resorts are pretty big so a bit of noise shouldn't be an issue. If it gets too much they do room service as part of the all inclusive too so you can always eat in your room (I'm not saying you should, I'm just saying this is an option which you might find really useful for all sorts of reasons).

I think daytime is so loud anyone that no one will notice. Echoing another poster though I find these type of family resorts quite quiet at night so for me it would depend on whether he is loud at night - stimming by the pool or in a restaurant is fine, but being kept up all night might ruin someone's holiday

You have as much right to go on holiday as any other person so does your DC. If I found the swimming annoying around the pool etc. I'd just move further away from you tbh. Many resorts have more than 1 pool.

Seriously? My dearest friend, very wealthy, kids go to independent school, is a special needs professional. Would never tolerate such an attitude.

The chip on your shoulder is showing @Picak.

Sorry Edited to add. Hope you go and you all love it Op !

You should go. I got upset at some of the dirty looks we got when out with my friend and her autistic dc. I was angry and genuinely shocked at how judgmental people are.

I do think they are more child friendly in Europe and you all deserve a nice change of scene!