Is this friend just not a friend?

[Friendornot]

Things she has said:

If I had a pantry in my house like you it would be much tidier than yours. (When visiting)

hmm I wouldn’t have decorated like that

shall we tidy up? (I had just tidied up and cleaned before she got here)

says shes popping in for a coffee and turns up with a load of kids she’s babysitting (I don’t know them) one breaks my kids stuff and the others laugh about special needs kids- she doesn’t say anything to kid

also gets really odd and off with me when I spend time with any other friends

I’ve known her less than a year.

also frequently explains things to me in a patronising way

we have things in common I just feel a bit baffled by her comments

Get rid.

How old are these children, that they know anything about "special needs kids", and laugh?

She doesn't sound like a friend but from your examples, I wouldn't want her as one. She doesn't sound like a very nice person

Really really awful. She sounds very jealous of you actually.

This 100%

She is absolutely not a friend. You can find other friends with things in common.

I certainly wouldn’t be letting her over the threshold with a group of kids in tow - what a nerve.

Yeah....drop her. I had a 'frenemy' like this and she'll only get worse. One example of her f*ckery: She looked through my wedding photos and said "oh, you were much too thin back then - you looked like a lollipop ha ha. You look so much better carrying a few extra pounds" - she knew I was insecure about my weight at the time.

Isn't a friend at all! Get rid x

Hell no, she's no friend. Even without the nasty comments, anyone turning up to my place with a kid or kids in tow, uninvited, then one of them breaking something of mine, would never be spoken to again.

Reading that I assume you have no standards whatsoever, and I genuinely wonder if you realise you don't have to spend your time with people who are utter shit. You actually can choose who you allow to be in your life.

Sounds ghastly.

If you had a friend who slapped your face every time you saw her would you carry on the relationship?

I would tell her to push off if she shows up with herds of strange kids. (I imagine you were expected to feed them). She sounds like she has boundary issues.

I have reread my post (above) and it looks unintentionally sarcastic. I should have added ‘No, you wouldn’t, so stop being friends with this woman.’

As this is a few days old, I’m hoping you have binned her!

Came here to comment but @KreedKafer has it covered I think!

That’s a jellyfish friend.
Get rid

She is a user and certainly not a friend.
Stop replying and NEVER allow her into your home again.

I have a couple of friends a bit like this (not the turning up with loads of kids though). But making comments that I personally consider rude and unkind and would never say to a friend. It’s tricky if they have other qualities you really like, not necessarily as black and white are making out here. Have you had a chance to observe how she is with other friends of hers? Is she just a bit rude to people in general, or is she specifically being rude to you?

I would maybe go with the MN classic ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ in response to her comments, while you’re figuring out whether you actually want to end the friendship or not.

I get the feeling your not going to get rid of her easily first stop her coming to your home
so if she messages asking to come for a coffee etc just say I am taking my DCs to the park can meet you there providing you have one locally of course I think you will have to gradually pull away from her she seems the sort that even if your straight to the point she will likely get worse and potentially start turning up at your door without messaging/calling first.

Sounds like you are friends with my mum!!!

Distance yourself now. No drama- just never available.

If this is real, I think you already know the answer.

She’s a competitor. A very rude, mean one. Get rid.