Is this friend just not a friend?

[Friendornot]

Things she has said:

If I had a pantry in my house like you it would be much tidier than yours. (When visiting)

hmm I wouldn’t have decorated like that

shall we tidy up? (I had just tidied up and cleaned before she got here)

says shes popping in for a coffee and turns up with a load of kids she’s babysitting (I don’t know them) one breaks my kids stuff and the others laugh about special needs kids- she doesn’t say anything to kid

also gets really odd and off with me when I spend time with any other friends

I’ve known her less than a year.

also frequently explains things to me in a patronising way

we have things in common I just feel a bit baffled by her comments

Get rid. I had a 'friend' like this. It was a few years(!) before I started to wonder if she actually liked me...then she ghosted me, so...

Definitely very far removed from a friend.

Frenemy. Jellyfish.

Massive number of red flags there.

People like this are baffling - not sure what they are trying to achieve, and why on earth they would think anyone would enjoy their company enough to spend time with them again.

She sounds like my sisters. Both of them.

Jellyfish.

What do you mean by Jellyfish? It's not a term I've heard before except for in the undersea variety. Also coincidentally, I am watching Hobbymaker on tv at the moment and the products on at the moment are sea based - including a jellyfish!

@VeryHappyBunny It's from Bridget Jones' Diary. “Humph. Rebecca is not “great”; she is a Jellyfisher. Talking to her is like swimming in a lovely warm sea, then suddenly something stings you and next thing everything is back to normal except a bit of you really hurts.”

It's someone who makes mean comments and put downs, but is pretending on the surface to be perfectly nice and normal.

Is she a similar age to you, or older? I ask because I had a friend many years back who behaved like this - she was about ten years older than me and I think she genuinely thought she was giving me the benefit of her experience.

When I was buying my first house, she actually went and peered through the window to get a nosey, before phoning me and advising me not to buy it. (I did anyway.) When she came around and I’d just had my new fridge freezer delivered, she said, “Ooh, it’s a dinky little freezer, isn’t it? I always think it’s better to have a big freezer - that way you can stock up”. Very useful advice after I’d bought it. She then offered to help me redecorate, which was of course very nice of her, but she couldn’t just help - she had to advise. Even the most basic of things, she’d have to get involved and tell me why I was wrong.

People like that tend to believe their way is best to an extreme level, to the point that they can’t see a different way might be just as valid. They don’t think they’re doing anything wrong because they’re “only trying to help”. In my case we drifted because of house moves rather than falling out, but I think it would have taken its toll on the friendship in the end.

Thanks, I've never seen Bridget Jones' Diary so didn't get the reference. Honestly this whole mumsnet is a revelation. I think I must have lived a very sheltered life.

Common or Garden cowbag.

I need to Google jellyfish!

Is she British? Cultural differences could explain some of it. Does sound annoying though.

A passive-aggressive competitor with a nasty tongue. Put this baggage out with the rest of the rubbish.

Get rid OP! Even if you have things in common you don’t have the same values. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - she sounds really judgemental and disrespectful.

@Turtletumy

Whats jelly fish friend then?

Just out of curiosity

Why do you even need to ask?

Hmm I don't know.. I often think people who've gained a bit look better and tell them.. maybe she genuinely wanted you to know she thought you looked better?

@Friendornot

She sounds quite dense needy insecure immature and bit envious,

hence the bitchy 🙄 passive aggressive so 🤷 called helpful remarks.

Ditch her for good
Consign this so called friendship to the waste 🗑 bin,

She has such nerve 😤 audacity just turning up with her children she is susposed to be babysitting,
then one of them breaks your child's toy and she doesn't even offer to replace it or say sorry
not even be embarrassed

I really think 🤔 she only comes to see you cause its bit easier than being on her own and cause she gets fed up on her own doing this at times too,
and bored out of her mind in her own house place
Hence she is a bit of User too

I did wonder that. Scandis and Dutch people can be very ‘direct’ which often comes across as plain rude to Brits.

@VeryHappyBunny I don’t remember reading this at the time, but now it is so apt!

OP every thing you have said about this person is a red flag, similar to red flags which in hindsight I wish I had taken heed of. She will eventually give you a massive sting!

Ah, I knew the “Why is your bar so low” brigade would come out for this one 😂

Er, no. No one wants to hear this. It’s basically saying a) you thought she looked bad at the time and b) now she is fatter.

Examine your motives for that one and please stop saying it!

They’ve got nothing on my Serbian friend 😆

Am I the only person who thinks she could possibly be autistic?

Who wants to know that someone (friend?) thinks they looked shit in their wedding photos??

Agreed but unless I was sure it was malicious I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.