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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave (very sensible) 11yo boy for 3.5 hours

100 replies

themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:33

Need to go somewhere between 10.30am and 2pm (approx). Destination is 10 mins drive away. DS 11.5 years old. I know there is no legal age and it is more about a judgement of when child is capable. He is really sensible. I'd pre-make a sandwich and drink and leave in fridge so he doesn't need to use anything dangerous in the kitchen. He will likely just game with friends when I'm out. Thoughts on doing this? (He doesn't have a mobile phone)

OP posts:
Pommes · 29/05/2024 08:34

Do you have a landline?

Original poster
themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:35

Pommes · 29/05/2024 08:34

Do you have a landline?

Yes

OP posts:
Icanwalkintheroom · 29/05/2024 08:35

We leave my dd like this. Tbh she gets her own food as well. But we built up to it gradually; I wouldn’t do 3.5hrs straight away.

Does he have a way of contacting you if needed? That’s the only bit that needs covering, I think.

Original poster
themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:35

Icanwalkintheroom · 29/05/2024 08:35

We leave my dd like this. Tbh she gets her own food as well. But we built up to it gradually; I wouldn’t do 3.5hrs straight away.

Does he have a way of contacting you if needed? That’s the only bit that needs covering, I think.

I can give him my mobile number that he can dial on landline

OP posts:
Natsku · 29/05/2024 08:35

Is he ok with the idea? If so, then fine.

Original poster
themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:37

Natsku · 29/05/2024 08:35

Is he ok with the idea? If so, then fine.

He is absolutely fine with it. Have left him for 2 hours

OP posts:
Curlymam88 · 29/05/2024 08:37

Id make sure he knows of an exit out of the house incase of fire. This is what I do with my very sensible 11 year old.

Thomasina79 · 29/05/2024 08:38

I think 11 is fine. After all they are travelling to school usually on their own at this age. I think he needs a mobile though, needn’t be an expensive smart phone,just a basic to get help if he needs it.

Original poster
themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:41

Thomasina79 · 29/05/2024 08:38

I think 11 is fine. After all they are travelling to school usually on their own at this age. I think he needs a mobile though, needn’t be an expensive smart phone,just a basic to get help if he needs it.

He's still in Y6. The mobile phone is a whole other thread - I am a pretty liberal parent but can't stand the thought of him getting a phone!

OP posts:
Littlesnailin · 29/05/2024 08:42

Seems a little young to me, sorry.
It will in all probability be fine, but how would he cope if an emergency arises?

LittleBearPad · 29/05/2024 08:43

He doesn’t need a mobile phone if he’s at home and there’s a landline.

Seems entirely reasonable to me. You’re no distance away and he’s been left for 2 hours before.

Digestive28 · 29/05/2024 08:45

have you got friendly neighbours? If so could let them know you are going out, and then let him know he can go there if needed

Fidgety31 · 29/05/2024 08:45

He will probably still be in bed when you get home !

He is plenty old enough, not a problem .

WitcheryDivine · 29/05/2024 08:47

Littlesnailin · 29/05/2024 08:42

Seems a little young to me, sorry.
It will in all probability be fine, but how would he cope if an emergency arises?

I dialled 999 age 4 although didn’t know what to say when they answered - I’m sure an 11 year old could do better.

I think do it OP my only concern would be him deciding to go out/have people round.

Hedgerow2 · 29/05/2024 08:47

11.5? I wouldn't give it a second thought!

LaPalmaLlama · 29/05/2024 08:47

I’d be ok with this. I’d just reiterate fire safety before you go - always tell mine not to try to put it out- just get out and call the fire brigade.

terriblyangryattimes · 29/05/2024 08:47

I wouldn't see an issue with this at all as long as he is happy with it, knows not to open the front door/go out himself etc

Natsku · 29/05/2024 08:48

themidimit · 29/05/2024 08:37

He is absolutely fine with it. Have left him for 2 hours

Show quote history

Then absolutely fine, especially as he already has experience being home alone.
Always good to go over rules (like answering doors, or if friends are allowed round or not etc.) again from time to time though, to make sure they are clear to him.

TrivialSoul · 29/05/2024 08:48

I think that 11 is fine although the thing that concerns me is if you feel you would need to pre make a sandwich then just how capable an 11 year old are they? Making a sandwich is a simple, everyday task so if you feel that that has perceived danger to it then maybe you arent ready to leave them for long.

Turneresque · 29/05/2024 08:53

TrivialSoul · 29/05/2024 08:48

I think that 11 is fine although the thing that concerns me is if you feel you would need to pre make a sandwich then just how capable an 11 year old are they? Making a sandwich is a simple, everyday task so if you feel that that has perceived danger to it then maybe you arent ready to leave them for long.

Oh for goodness sake.
she’s just being a mum and making him a nice sandwich. I would have done the same.
I don’t think shes worried about him being unable to do
it himself.

Natsku · 29/05/2024 08:55

TrivialSoul · 29/05/2024 08:48

I think that 11 is fine although the thing that concerns me is if you feel you would need to pre make a sandwich then just how capable an 11 year old are they? Making a sandwich is a simple, everyday task so if you feel that that has perceived danger to it then maybe you arent ready to leave them for long.

It could just be because its a nice thing to do! My DD is 13, she's been making herself sandwiches for years but if she has to stay home alone all day (like off school sick) I always make her a sandwich before I go

TrivialSoul · 29/05/2024 09:06

Oh I totally get the being caring and making them food, makes total sense. It was the comment about leaving a sandwich so that he didn't have to use anything dangerous in the kitchen that had me flummoxed. Mine were told not to use the gas hob when we were out in their early days of staying in the house alone for safety but I couldn't think of anything dangerous in making a sandwich.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 29/05/2024 09:10

I think this pretty standard responsibility for the average 11 year old - keep yourself safe, watered and fed in an entirely familiar setting for a short period of time. It wouldn't give me pause for thought.

MasterBeth · 29/05/2024 09:11

Good grief, of course you can leave a well behaved eleven year old alone in their own home for a few hours.

thefamous5 · 29/05/2024 09:12

I leave my 11.5 year old for longer periods than that, maybe five hours or so at a time occasionally. He has a mobile, has keys to the front and back door, we've practised fire drills with him, and he knows not to touch anything in kitchen