To leave (very sensible) 11yo boy for 3.5 hours

[themidimit]

Need to go somewhere between 10.30am and 2pm (approx). Destination is 10 mins drive away. DS 11.5 years old. I know there is no legal age and it is more about a judgement of when child is capable. He is really sensible. I'd pre-make a sandwich and drink and leave in fridge so he doesn't need to use anything dangerous in the kitchen. He will likely just game with friends when I'm out. Thoughts on doing this? (He doesn't have a mobile phone)

Do you pick them up from school everyday?

Yes, usually. We live in a rural area so too far to walk routinely. Also no footpaths on some of the local roads. We're not quite far enough from town to be eligible for the school bus unfortunately.

I'm in Ireland so kids start secondary school later, mine had turned 13 when they left primary.
Maybe that makes a difference in how I view things, I'm not sure.

I would. You know your child.

I think it's fine, but personally I think he should have a mobile phone. He'd need one in secondary, surely? Catastrophising here, but the phone should be within arm's reach. My 12yo knows he has to have his phone next to him if I go out. He knows how to get out, where spare keys are, and could call me with his mobile once he's safely outside.

@Sometimeswinning

How to open the windows upstairs to climb out onto porch roof and climb down, talking through lots of scenarios (if this exit is blocked, what would you do etc), looking at how they could safely get out etc

I imagine all of those things make a difference @Littlesnailin

@Littlesnailin definitely. We start secondary in England at 11. There are no after school childcare in secondary. Many pupil take the bus, train or underground to school. Many buses aren’t school ones, but normal public buses. Those who are very rural will still need to take be driven. But the normal expectation is taking public transport independently.

He’ll be fine. It’s great to build up his common sense and independence.

He’s 11, not 5, of course you can leave him.
Id make sure he knows of an exit out of the house incase of fire
Hopefully he should have been taught this years ago.

Oh I totally get the being caring and making them food, makes total sense. It was the comment about leaving a sandwich so that he didn't have to use anything dangerous in the kitchen that had me flummoxed Same!
I can’t believe the number of people not wanting an 11 year old to make something unsupervised in a kitchen. Reading some of the posts my mind is blown about how little independence or resilience skills a lot of young people have been given.

It's fine. In year 6 our primary encouraged them to walk to school in preparation for secondary. He'll be a secondary pupil himself in a couple of months!

If he's a sensible type yes it'll be fine.

Of course it is fine. I dont understand the comment about him not being able to make a sandwich and a drink himself though. It really isn't something that I would put in dangerous territory.

I’d pre make my 11 year old a sandwich because he would just eat snacks otherwise 😂

OP, I haven’t left mine for that long but I would if I had to - providing he wasn’t off school sick. I’d leave him a packed lunch and some snacks out. Mine has a phone (restricted access) but we do not have a landline so he needs a means of communication. I’d probably also have a few neighbours on standby for an emergency (we have a WhatsApp group) and my parents are ten minutes away. As long as yours knows not to answer the door, not to leave the house (unless there’s a fire!) for any reason etc then I think 11 is fine. I generally only leave mine for an hour though.

Of course it is fine. I dont understand the comment about him not being able to make a sandwich and a drink himself though. It really isn't something that I would put in dangerous territory.

Of course it's not 'dangerous territory ' But for someone a bit unsure, as this poster is - it's just simpler and more reassuring to have the sandwich ready made and there. I've done the same myself.

I can’t believe the number of people not wanting an 11 year old to make something unsupervised in a kitchen. Reading some of the posts my mind is blown about how little independence or resilience skills a lot of young people have been given.

Can't believe the no of people making a mountain out of this molehill.

Yeah its just making a sandwich. At 10 or 11 DD hiked 8km through the countryside with no adults and two other children, made their own lunch on a campstove - definitely can trust her to make her own food but I still make her a sandwich!

I also sometimes ask her to make a sandwich

I would probably do this if my child was happy with it.
Mine is 9.5 and I wouldn’t yet. But when she starts high school at nearly 12 there might be times when I’m not wfh that she has to let herself in and be on her own for a couple of hours till we get home from work.

Totally fine. My youngest is 11 yrs 9 months but in secondary but probably not much older. She’s been left for that length plenty of times once we built it up. She makes her own food. She’s allowed to use the microwave and the air fryer just not the gas. I often come home from work finding the odd have both made random things in the air fryer or office they’ve seen on tik tok. I usually text to check on though if I’m out that long. Often it’s after work as they can be home from school by 3:30 and one time my youngest went home but I had to go straight to school to watch oldest on a performance so didn’t get home til 8. So much longer than 3.5 hours. But I checked in by text.

I do think you maybe need to get him a phone though. My 11 year old likes to go out and meet friends on a weekend now but must have a changed phone or a battery pack to charge it. I can then text her and track her. If she’s told me she’s going to the shops for instance and her friends decided they want to go to the park or someone’s house (all nearby) she will text me to ask if it’s ok. She did only start doing a lot of this in y7 though but she got her phone for y6 to get used to using it and looking after it.

If you have a nice neighbour or a friend who will be in nearby, I would just see if they are happy to be the back up if something goes wrong. Give instructions about answering the door etc, and what to do if there is a fire then go.

I’m assuming that when he starts in yr7 he will be travelling to and from school on his own using public transport? That worried me a lot more than leaving my DC’s for a few hours at that age so I think it’s absolutely fine. Mine have all been given a mobile for their last birthday at primary school as this is when they started walking to and from school.

My dgs has a mobile phone for emergencies. It is set up that he can only contact those on his vip list (i.e. mum, dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles). He also isn’t able to access his phone number, so can’t give it to any of his pals.
Would something like that work for you and him?

These threads make me feel ancient. I wouldn't hesitate.

Good practice for secondary school. If he's going to be gaming then the time will fly by,and he probably won't even notice if he's happy to be left. I think the only rules my Mum said to me at that age were 'don't invite people over, don't use the oven, and don't answer the door unless its Dad or her'.

Of course it's okay

I was spending all day home alone during the holidays from twelve.

I'd be more concerned if my 11yo couldn't cope with that, to be honest.

We had to leave our 11yo kid during covid to attend hospital appointments. We let neighbours know. He was gaming online so I let the parents know and asked them to check in on him and call us if anything. It was horrible but nothing we could do as the lockdown was in place.