To leave (very sensible) 11yo boy for 3.5 hours

[themidimit]

Need to go somewhere between 10.30am and 2pm (approx). Destination is 10 mins drive away. DS 11.5 years old. I know there is no legal age and it is more about a judgement of when child is capable. He is really sensible. I'd pre-make a sandwich and drink and leave in fridge so he doesn't need to use anything dangerous in the kitchen. He will likely just game with friends when I'm out. Thoughts on doing this? (He doesn't have a mobile phone)

Mine will be 11 years 4 months in September and will have to walk 45 minutes each way to school alone. If he's sensible, staying home is not safer than walking alone.

Work out What is it you are worried about. And then show him what to do etc.

If they’re old enough to the bus/train and go to school on their own a jerky they can stay home on their own. I used to come home to an empty house for a few hours everyday before my mum got home after 6pm from work.

Sounds fine to me - I'd have left our oldest home alone at that age, as pretty sensible, in fact even our youngest. He's not that sensible, but TBH he'd just watch TV or play video games, so it's fine 😁

If he is sensible and can call you from a landline if needed then I think it will be fine. I used to be fine at this age, it is all about how mature the child is, only you know the answer to that one

We left our dd at 11 ( but for around 2.5 hours.

We built it up gradually - first time was about 30 minutes. She didn't have her on phone the first time/s we left her, but knew she could use the landline to call a relative or us.
The relative knew what was happening, and was sometimes talking on the phone with her before we went our of the door.

By the time we were leaving her gor a bit longer, she had her own phone, do getting in contact with us was even easier

A lot depends on how comfortable the child is with it, if there is anyone they can knock on the door of or call if needed, if they are sensible and know what to do in an emergency etc. That will be different for every child- you know your son best.

@themidimit If he's gaming with friends while you're out for long periods, do you have safeguards to stop him gaming with/talk to strangers for long periods too?

You’re asking this because he’s an autumn born child and still in primary. If he was May to august born, he’d be 11.5 after he’d started secondary. You’d probably be less bothered and loads of kids come home for a bit in secondary.

It’s totally fine.

I have a child in year 6 that is very sensible and can do basics in the kitchen etc. I have left her for 4 hours with her older sister (15) whilst I work in holidays. I’d be quite hesitant to leave her alone for that time though. I don’t know why, maybe because I’ve never had to. If you think your son will be ok and has a way to contact you it’s up to you if you feel ok about it or not

Sensible child who knows what to do in an emergency- yes

would he know how to get out in an emergency? If so then fine. Other thing to consider is if he’s gaming with headphones on and the smoke alarms are going off would he notice? I don’t let my kids use headphones while home alone (they are a bit older than 11.

My child has been cooking a certain food alone for months. This morning going through all the motions and hadn’t lit the gas. Never ever been an issue before but had this happened when I was out could have ended differently. I get the making food to leave part. Also if he’s gaming it’s quicker to grab something pre made so more chance he will actually eat something

I would say he would be okay if he has a way of getting in contact with you and if you had someone who you could contact in an emergency. Is there a neighbour who could just keep an eye on the house too? Not going over there, just a glance out of the window? As for no mobile. Have you thought about getting a payg simple mobile that can only call and text for emergencies? I got my children one that they shared for year 6 (2016) as I had to send them to school by themselves one day and wanted to know that they got there safe. At least you have one in the house then

Totally fine. Our sensible 11 year old walks to school alone in London. We leave him at home alone for short periods. He knows not to open the front door.

I can't believe people have to ask this!

Kid needs a phone. Growing up in a world of tech and you’re hobbling him. Doesn’t even need a sim, just to be able to connect to house WiFi.

if he’s gaming with mates he’s already online. Get the poor bastard a phone.

I would only leave him if he has a way of contacting help if needed. No mobile is fine as long as there's a landline and you know he has made calls on it himself, knows numbers etc. That might sound obvious but kids can be a bit nervous of using phones these days.

We've had a child cut themselves quite badly on glass while (so we thought) not doing anything dangerous so they 100% need to know what to do in various emergencies and be able to execute it.

What in the world 🤦‍♀️ Of course he can be left alone for 3 hours! I’ve left my 10 year old son for that amount of time and didn’t give it a second thought. They need to learn independence, how will he learn if he can’t be on his own.

I worked literally ten mins walk from home and left my year 6 child home all day alone if they were sick as I couldn’t take the day off work. Would pop home for an hour at lunchtime. He was fine ( maybe happened twice). It’s not illegal for a reason.

I have a year 6 (11.5yo) boy who doesn't have a mobile. I've not left him for longer than a few hours but he's very sensible so I would. I'd check in at predetermined times by calling landline and he knows how to dial out from landline.

Also having the same issue re: mobile. I know realistically he needs one but I can't bring myself to give him one. 😔

Totally fine!

I think that is absolutely fine. Just make sure you have the phone accessible and will answer straight away.

At the age of 11, I used to pick up my 6 year old brother from his classroom (we were at the same school). We walked home together and I let us both into the house, made a snack and waited for my mum to get home from work - about 2 hours.

When my mum was 6 she was expected to make herself scarce for much of the day and come home for dinner, like in an Enid Blyton book.

That is not seen as sufficient safeguarding these days, for some reason.

That's not allowed in our school these days (the 11 year old picking up the 6 year old bit).