Work event.. left me out of the planning

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

We have a work day out next month and they have asked us to bring in a baby picture and they are going to guess who’s who to get us all networking.

I’m the only black person out of 126 people going so wouldn’t take them very long to guess who’s who.

im trying to calm down before I address this as I’m currently infuriated.

how on earth do I proceed with this in the correct way..

They're not intentionally being racist, but it's unacceptable nonetheless. The fact you're HR is even worse! I would say something but try to frame it in a constructive way as a learning opportunity.

It will obviously single the op out.
The organisers have been very thoughtless in doing this.
It will cause a situation where the op is treated differently to her colleagues, purely because of the colour of her skin. That is not right.

I think you have a very valid point and it’s something that should be raised

The white privilege is out in force. You are not wrong.

Actually these baby picture ideas are old hat and can be upsetting for all sorts of reasons (my DD’s lovely boyfriend has no baby pictures at all owing to terrible and traumatic early years and I’m very sensitive about mine as I have a pronounced squint in them all, which was partially corrected but is still evident when I’m tired and the baby pictures just draw attention to it).

Much more inclusive to get everyone to draw their favourite animal (or something like that) as an ice breaker and get people to guess who’s is who’s.

On the contrary, it is an excellent place to ask. At least then you have a living breathing thread that shows the shit you have to face every day. If other posters are unhappy and feel you need to take it to a "special" forum,. it's more proving the point.

OP- that is really thoughtless of the company/team that planned this and goes to show that people really don’t have a clue sometimes.

definitely raise this with whoever is in charge or higher up.

let us know how it goes.

I'm quite surprised at the number of posters on this thread who don't see what's wrong with the activity.

OP will be clearly identifiable because of her skin colour which demonstrates a complete lack of inclusivity within the team.

I had a visceral reaction to your opening post and was shocked by the initial responses telling you that your response / feelings are wrong and to seek your answers among your own folk.

I did smile when you said 'we are HR'... I hope you get this fixed in a way that feel appropriate for you.

OP if you have a union might be worth getting in touch with them too. They should at least be aware.

@SerendipityJane oh I suggested posting in the black mumsnetters board because OP was asking for support on how to raise it and the initial replies were spectacularly missing the point. At least OP wouldn't be burdened with having to explain why it needs raising (or less likely to be I should say).

@Notthattimeofthemonth they just haven’t engaged their brains.

I always think this is best dealt with in a conversation rather than email etc. Just have a quiet word with a senior organiser to say as the only black person attending this would draw attention to that please could you arrange a different ice breaker. I expect they will be embarrassed and quickly get the point.

Badly planned ice breaker. I can't believe they've been so stupid!

It's a really inappropriate way to break the ice and I hope you can draw the organisers' attention to that. Also, imagine how awkward it would be for everyone if there were two black people attending...

I'm quite surprised at the number of posters on this thread who don't see what's wrong with the activity.

Conversely, I am totally unsurprised.

I honestly don't know how some people get through their days 🙄

Now that would be unbearable guess between the two 🤮

I agree with you that it's completely inappropriate.

In addition to the obvious way you'd be singled out, there could also be people who do not have photos due to abuse/neglect/adoption/care proceedings, who are visibly disabled or might just be embarrassed that their photo is in a less than ideal environment. Not everybody has adorable, perfect photos of their childhood. Because it wasn't.

OP it’s thoughtlessness. I doubt they were even thinking about you when they made the plans as it’s a big team

Oh the irony. The fact that they didn't think about OP, the only black member of staff, is unconscious racism.

tbh i think OP will get more constructive help on the Black Mumsnetters board. However.

Thank you, OP, for raising this here. Not only for highlighting that this has happened to you, but also for others who have pointed out how and why this type of icebreaker can be hugely problematic.

It gives food for thought.

I can see why this is unsuitable, as it does single you out inappropriately. We had the same issue arise with a transgender group member and just choose a different icebreaker.

I have to say I don’t like idea if these ice breakers at all, and the OP’s VERY VALID reason is just another reason to dislike them.

Aside from the fact they haven’t taken into account there’s ONE black person out of 126 (which in itself is pretty shameful but that’s another topic for another day) but it’s making the assumption other people had functional enough childhoods to have baby pictures taken. Some people may have been in foster care or from households that didn’t take pictures. Some people may not have access to any because their parents died. I am the third of three children so I don’t have loads of baby pictures (mum says there was no time to take any with 3 under 3 which is fair enough 🤣) but the few I do have would ‘out’ the religion i was born into which my immediate colleagues know about but I wouldn’t want some randoms knowing because many people these days feel the need to be hostile or even aggressive towards me because if that religion.

There are so many ice breakers that are less personal, and I wholly support the OP’s anger at this one. Not over reacting at all

100%

I agree with all of this.

On the thread where the vegetarian OP had to go to a team night out at a rodizio, she got lots of support due to all the meat that would be carved around her and that they should have thought about her.

But here many people are telling a black woman it's ok for her to excluded because they would just not have thought about her.

The double standards are amazing.

The fact you are the only black person on a team of 126 people is shocking!!!

I think I'd use the opportunity to raise the point about diversity in the workplace.........